Temptation, Defeat and the Mirror

I'm not going to sugar coat it since it will not do any good! It was after midnight on Saturday (AKA SUNDAY morning) so by a technicality I could be off the lent sacrifice hook. Additionally, I know that the only witnesses to my defeat would not tattle on me. I really don't have to call myself out, but since my Bible study this week is about "Everything You Have Ever Done" I thought I should probably confess! Plus, God knows without me having to type it or say it out loud and really that is who I let down (well and everyone that loves me since my sacrifice is really terrible for you)! I smoked three cigarettes this weekend and all in about 30 minutes.

I want to type all the reasons building up to the walk into the garage. I feel compelled to explain why my week and weekend was so stressful and why I "needed" to have one, but that is all relative (plus my husband HATES when I write details about my personal life). I didn't NEED one (if I can go almost three weeks without one it's not a nicotine addiction), I wanted one and I gave into the temptation.

Today I'm using my blog and anyone that reads it as a mirror. I am writing as the Samaritan Woman at the well and I am confessing my sins so that I am forced to be accountable, ashamed and embarrassed. I understand that He knows before I confess via writing that I am regretful. As soon as I left the garage the smell of smoke disgusted me and I apologized right then to God. Only minutes after surrendering to the temptation of the habit, I felt moral anguish and disgust for my lack of willpower and faith.

I knew that I shouldn't do it and did it anyways. SIN. How many times in your life have you been in this situation? A situation where you felt immediate remorse for your action or inaction? Other instances it takes reflection to realize your shortcomings and the remorse sets in later, but either way when you make a mistake, the regret is inevitable. When your witnesses won't tell do you feel less remorseful? Since only one or two people know the truth does that make it better? I used to think it did. My thought process used to be something similar to "as long as my parents never find out about this" or "he can never know about that".

Even though one of my favorite poems has always been "The Man in the Glass", it wasn't until recently that I printed it out and put a copy in my wallet in an attempt to keep the lesson with me at all times. It is only recently that I started to look for the deeper meaning and value in life, forgive freely and surrender to the grace of God. The poem illuminates the truth: that you can go through life and everyone can think you're grand, but at the end of the day what does the mirror have to say? Does the reflection look like the image you are portraying to the world or do you see an image full of flaws and shortcomings? This story reminds us that all the deeds that you try so hard to keep hidden, all the thoughts that you think are tucked tightly in your brain alone are also shared with God.

In one sense it is frightening to imagine yourself as the Samaritan Woman at the well; to face all of the sins, all the mistakes, the bad thoughts in your head. Can you imagine meeting Jesus and listening to him recite all of your failures and sins? The ultimate mirror! Things you might not even think about anymore right there in front of you in the bright noon sunlight. The Samaritan woman was attempting to avoid any and all mirrors by going to the well at noon; fighting the scorching heat of midday rather than face her peers. Instead she is greeted by Jesus and he told her everything she ever did.

Yet, in another way it is a relief to have the truth be known. It is often stated that the truth will set you free. This story is the best example I have read of this adage. After speaking with Jesus, the woman ran to her fellow townspeople to tell them about this person that was able to tell her all she had ever done. She couldn't wait to tell all the people! On any other day she would hide from the these same people at all costs, but this day she even went as far as to tell them that the she believed He could be the Messiah. The people that on any other day, she would prefer facing the hottest part of the day in order to escape their ridicule, nasty looks or even pass by them.

She was ashamed to go to the well because of her lowly status, in the passage it is portrayed that she has quite a reputation of sin. Yet, when she speaks to Jesus, rather than feeling guilt, shame, or embarrassment as she faces the recollection of her sins, instead she feels spiritual rebirth. A need to confess her sins so that she can drink the living water. A need to believe in Jesus so that she can feel His loving grace. Instead of feeling shame, she felt a sense of renewed spirit.

If you want to read the passage click here

So today I'm using this writing as my mirror. To confess that I was weak. To confess that I surrendered to temptation, not just this weekend when I walked into the garage and lit the cigarette, but for the many times that I have fallen short in my eyes and in His eyes. In hopes that I too can drink the living water and feel his loving grace. Praying that the next time that I am faced with temptation, my faith will keep me grounded and allow me to fight the temptation.

The Man In The Glass
Peter "Dale" Winbrow Sr

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass.
The fellow whose verdict counts most in you life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum
And think you're a wonderful guy.
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

He's the fellow to please-never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear to the end.
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass.