I hope my chin hair doesn't grow back.

I hope my chin hair doesn't grow back.

Since people are waiting on me to write now, I'll try to focus long enough to write a post each week. That's been my goal since I started blogging a few years ago, but I'm not making any promises. Right now my mind is in overdrive and picking just ONE topic to write about is kind of difficult!

This week my biggest concern is HAIR LOSS, so we'll go with that.

I'm not a fancy girl. I rarely remember to accessorize (even though I have a ton of jewelry...in my defense it's because a couple friends make jewelry and other people buy it for me). I wear minimal makeup, but ALWAYS wear my mascara because one of my friends will disown me if I don't. 95% of the time I drive to work with my hair sopping wet and throw it in a pony tail or braid after I've been at work for a few hours.

So, it seems like I'm a good person to survive hair loss. My cousin's eyebrows never grew back after chemo. Yes, ALL of my hair for those of you wondering.  My eyebrows and eyelashes and everywhere else I currently have hair-gone!  I HOPE my chin hair doesn't grow back after chemo!! :)

Even though I'm not fancy and I'm not all about hair, I feel pretty confident stating that ANY woman would have a rough time with this. I've only really cried about this small step in treatment with Heid a couple times. For the most part, I'm trying to make it fun and trying to laugh in the face of fear, but in my subconscious, I'm scared.

A couple friends tried on head scarfs when they were babysitting ME and we laughed and laughed at how silly they looked. One has a big head and the other has always had long hair...they looked funny! BUT, this is going to be my life in ONE WEEK. Next Wednesday is the day my doctor said I should shave my head because it will start falling out in clumps. One more week and my pretty highlights will be gone and replaced with a wig, a scarf, a chemo beanie or BALD.

NO HAIR. Even if I don't like to do my hair, that's a lot to swallow.

But, if I want to live, it's necessary, so I invited a few of my friends and my daughters to go wig shopping. Lilly insisted on bringing her friend, Paige, because she knows EVERYTHING about style! So we loaded a couple cars and went to Renee's Survivor Shop. Renee, a breast cancer survivor, was wonderful: calm, compassionate, open and honest.

http://www.rsurvivorshop.com/

She dealt (I use "dealt" in the nicest way possible, because some of my friends (MYSELF INCLUDED) can be a little overwhelming. Especially when we're all together;)) with me and all of my loud, crazy, beautiful friends nicely and placed wig after wig on my head. I tried on one that looked like a golden retriever, one that looked like Joe Dirt and a couple that looked ok. I ended up picking a longer one that I'll be able to braid and put in a pony tail.

Camille is so sweet and loving, but she's a little overwhelmed with all of the cancer attention. She waited until all of my friends left the wig room and hugged me ever so gently. She told me she'd rather have me wear the chemo beanie than the wig. She doesn't think that the wig looks like me, but the beanie looks like me. I don't know yet, but I'm thinking my quiet five year old is probably right. I'll probably wear the scarfs and beanies much more than the expensive wig, but I needed the wig. I need to feel prepared, have my plan of attack ready for next week when Aaron shaves the last of my blond hair off.


Wig shopping and then ice cream: peanut butter-hot fudge-hand scooped milkshakes make any day better!! :)

The wig I picked (still not real sure about it, obviously):

After wig shopping and spending time with my girlfriends and girlies, Aaron asked me how it went. I told him that it was fine and we picked the one we thought looked best, but then I opened the box with the wig in it and started to cry. He hugged me and told me that it doesn't matter what my hair looks like. I'll always be pretty. He reminded me how I do not like to shave my legs and that he'll love me no matter what.

BUT, losing your hair is still difficult. Even if my chin hair doesn't grow back!

My doctor said that some women find it easier to gradually go shorter...so I'm giving it a whirl:

My beautiful cousin texted me after I posted the above picture to facebook: How are you? Fine or fake fine?

The honest answer is somewhere in between. I sat in a dark room for a half hour before I posted the picture. I thought to myself: "It's just hair!" "It will grow back!" "Stop being vain!" "It could be worse." "This is going to cure it!"

And then I was ok.

This morning I did my hair in 3 minutes AND I'm getting used to it. When I looked at my reflection in a city street window I thought, "Ok, I can do this!"

Kiss my ass, cancer! I'm not scared.

But, I won't be sad if my chin hair doesn't grow back!