The day after my hair starting falling out in clumps was the worst day for me since my diagnosis. Not because my hair started to falling out by the handful. Not because when Camille played with my hair little pieces were flying everywhere. Not even because I felt like a Mac Truck ran me over.
NOPE. Not any of the things you expect with cancer treatment, but something so much worse. So much more damaging to my life than having to deal with cancer.
"Hello, Laura. It's Rebecca, did I wake you?"
"Yes, but I've been waiting on your call. What's the word?"
"Well, your BRCA genetic results are in and as we suspected, you have a BRCA gene mutation. We're going to need to meet to discuss the results. Can you invite Heidi to the appointment as well? We'll talk about who else I think you should contact as well at the appointment. I assume you're going to share the results with your family, correct?"
"Thanks, Rebecca. I'll give Heidi a call and yes, I'll make sure that the rest of my family is aware."
Thank God I have decided to send the monsters to the babysitters on the Friday following treatment because I needed to be alone.
See, there are a few reasons that I have been so open, honest and public as I share this journey of breast cancer, but the most important reasons are these two beautiful girls.
These two beautiful girls that call me Mommy and tell me that they love me more than I love them, which any mother knows simply isn't possible. These little monsters that kiss my bald head and have tucked me into bed more often than I've tucked them in this week. They are the biggest reason that I have shared so openly.
Mostly because I knew in my heart that this stupid brca gene was faulty even though I hoped and prayed that it wasn't. Marci bought me a wish necklace shortly after my diagnosis. I'm sure she thought I would wish my cancer away, never to return again. I must have gotten a broken wish necklace because my only wish was that this awful, rotten, no good disease wasn't something that I could pass on to my babies.
BUT, it is.
And that's pretty hard to swallow.
A brca gene mutation is something that my children will be screened for when they are 18. There is a 50% chance that I passed this mutation on to my little monsters. If Keegan were to test positive for the mutation, it would only elevate his risk of breast cancer slightly. If the girls were to test positive for the mutation, the odds of developing breast cancer rises from 1-8 to 1-3.
The genetic counselor mapped out our family history and is suspicious that this mutation is passed down on my father's side. That's where they want to start testing. First with Heidi and then my other first cousins and my Aunt.
Heavy, terrible conversations that you don't want to have with people that you love. EVER.
So, I sat in silence for a while. I cried for a while. I felt sorry for myself for a good long minute.
And then I got my game face back on. I texted Heid and called my mom and Aaron.
WHY?
Because my beautiful babies need to have a few things if they ever have to defeat this beast:
BRCA gene mutation: BE READY & CANCER AWARE
Knowledge is power and now we have all of the facts. Early detection is key to survival and I plan for them to live LONG, healthy lives. So even if my worst nightmares come true, we will be ready.
I will also, every. single. day., pray that none of my babies have to deal with this stupid disease.
I walked into the office the day after drafting this post to ALL of my co-workers telling me about Angelina Jolie...She is looking at the "faulty" gene as BE READY & CANCER AWARE!!
http://wonderwall.msn.com/movies/angelina-jolie-reveals-double-mastectomy-in-ny-times-op-ed-piece-24886.gallery
NOPE. Not any of the things you expect with cancer treatment, but something so much worse. So much more damaging to my life than having to deal with cancer.
"Hello, Laura. It's Rebecca, did I wake you?"
"Yes, but I've been waiting on your call. What's the word?"
"Well, your BRCA genetic results are in and as we suspected, you have a BRCA gene mutation. We're going to need to meet to discuss the results. Can you invite Heidi to the appointment as well? We'll talk about who else I think you should contact as well at the appointment. I assume you're going to share the results with your family, correct?"
"Thanks, Rebecca. I'll give Heidi a call and yes, I'll make sure that the rest of my family is aware."
Thank God I have decided to send the monsters to the babysitters on the Friday following treatment because I needed to be alone.
See, there are a few reasons that I have been so open, honest and public as I share this journey of breast cancer, but the most important reasons are these two beautiful girls.
Mostly because I knew in my heart that this stupid brca gene was faulty even though I hoped and prayed that it wasn't. Marci bought me a wish necklace shortly after my diagnosis. I'm sure she thought I would wish my cancer away, never to return again. I must have gotten a broken wish necklace because my only wish was that this awful, rotten, no good disease wasn't something that I could pass on to my babies.
BUT, it is.
And that's pretty hard to swallow.
A brca gene mutation is something that my children will be screened for when they are 18. There is a 50% chance that I passed this mutation on to my little monsters. If Keegan were to test positive for the mutation, it would only elevate his risk of breast cancer slightly. If the girls were to test positive for the mutation, the odds of developing breast cancer rises from 1-8 to 1-3.
The genetic counselor mapped out our family history and is suspicious that this mutation is passed down on my father's side. That's where they want to start testing. First with Heidi and then my other first cousins and my Aunt.
Heavy, terrible conversations that you don't want to have with people that you love. EVER.
So, I sat in silence for a while. I cried for a while. I felt sorry for myself for a good long minute.
And then I got my game face back on. I texted Heid and called my mom and Aaron.
WHY?
Because my beautiful babies need to have a few things if they ever have to defeat this beast:
- AWARENESS- They will be tested and screened starting at the age of 25
- CANCER FACTS- They will know what to look for, what to feel for and how to advocate for themselves
- BE READY- They will have all of the tools to fight if it's necessary
- GRACE- They can turn to any page of this blog and see first hand how to choose grace over fear or sorrow or evil
BRCA gene mutation: BE READY & CANCER AWARE
Knowledge is power and now we have all of the facts. Early detection is key to survival and I plan for them to live LONG, healthy lives. So even if my worst nightmares come true, we will be ready.
I will also, every. single. day., pray that none of my babies have to deal with this stupid disease.
I walked into the office the day after drafting this post to ALL of my co-workers telling me about Angelina Jolie...She is looking at the "faulty" gene as BE READY & CANCER AWARE!!
http://wonderwall.msn.com/movies/angelina-jolie-reveals-double-mastectomy-in-ny-times-op-ed-piece-24886.gallery
I too have recently had the BRCA testing done and am awaiting the results. I have had both breast and ovarian cancer on my mothers side of the family. I am very nervous to get the results, but will take all the necessary precautions if need be for myself and to pass the results on to others in my family. Stay strong Laura! You got this!!
ReplyDeleteI hope yours comes back normal, Jill!! I'll be praying! If not, you can chop them off and get new perky ones with me...you know, since I'm really just doing this to get a new rack;)
DeleteXOXO
As tough as it must be as a mama to know you may have passed this on to them, you're giving those two beautiful girls the beauty of awareness, and that will help them never have to fight as hard as you are right now! Your strength and grace are amazing! Lucky, lucky ladies to learn from you!
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