I am calling you!!

Lately I have been a slacker when it comes to my responsibilities as a Carson's Crew and Kennedy Too team member. I haven't been as forceful with my ticket sales. Rather than getting a babysitter for the meetings I instead asked for the outline and skipped the meeting. I was late asking for my donations. I wasn't really thinking outside of the box when I made my list of people to ask for donations or who wanted to buy a ticket. I was focused on the work part of the fundraising and honestly who likes to work? I would make excuses in my head: “I’m too busy tonight.” or “It’s too early to start knocking down doors to collect money!”

Tonight as I rushed from work to soccer pictures to a church meeting then finally to the CCKT meeting I admit to bitterly commenting to a friend "I don't even want to do it tonight"! My CCKT boss was already inquiring about my whereabouts when I was ten minutes late...it didn't help my bad attitude.

Yet, as soon as we started our meeting the excitement returned. The positive energy is an amazing feeling and when you allow yourself to be filled with the energy it doesn't seem like work anymore! When you think about how much money can be raised in a single evening it is simply astounding! To know that all of your hard work will soon be turned into dollar signs and then into research and advancements toward a cure it makes it all worth it!

As the meeting continued I looked at the sweet little faces of two children that I love dearly and wanted to give myself lashings with a wet noodle! They are so loving and inquisitive. They asked about my kids over and over. They carefully studied my face to catch all of my expressions as they questioned me. They imitated (most likely to the displeasure of their parents) my attitude. I love them and because of them I am called to help with the CFF fundraising.

Carson and Kennedy, these two adorable children that I think of as family have Cystic Fibrosis.

CFF: Cystic fibrosis is an inherited chronic disease that affects the lungs and digestive system of about 30,000 children and adults in the United States (70,000 worldwide). A defective gene and its protein product cause the body to produce unusually thick, sticky mucus that:
• clogs the lungs and leads to life-threatening lung infections; and
• obstructs the pancreas and stops natural enzymes from helping the body break down and absorb food.
In the 1950s, few children with cystic fibrosis lived to attend elementary school. Today, advances in research and medical treatments have further enhanced and extended life for children and adults with CF. Many people with the disease can now expect to live into their 30s, 40s and beyond.

Even with all of the advances, there are many CF warriors that don’t make it to the average. Connor Jones was seven. His mother writes from her heart and the love for her son that is now starting third grade in HEAVEN pours out in each word. This is one of her blogs from last year
LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Today I posted pictures of my little princesses on their first couple days of school. I posted them filled with pride and joy and love. Not until I was on my way home from the CCKT meeting did I think about how Sarah Jones was starting another school year with one less child on earth. I didn’t think about how Amy will have to meet with Carson’s preschool teacher to go over all of his enzyme procedures on top of her anxiety of him adjusting to school. Add to that the stress of the cold and flu that his classmates might bring into his classroom and it might be enough to send a sane person to the nut house.

I don’t have time tonight to write about all of the medicines and treatments that Carson and Kennedy take, but here is a video from last year. Thanks Kori I don’t have time tonight to put into words how very important it is to support this cause or how precious these children are, but here is another blog about Carson. Wind

I don’t have time tonight mostly because I have work to do! I have tickets to sell, I have previous donors to harass, I have telephone calls to make, oh the list just gets longer as I think about it! But as my boss (my real boss, not Kevin;)) has told me time and time again “If you want something done, give it to a busy person!”

Are you busy November 12th from 6pm-11pm?

Ole Zim's Wagon Shed
1375 North State Route 590
Gibsonburg, Ohio 43431


We are getting ready for our 3rd Annual Carson’s Crew Charity Event. The Charity Event will consist of a reverse raffle, silent auction, basket raffles and 50/50. All proceeds go to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation to fund research for a cure.

The Reverse Raffle has a 1st place prize of $2,500 and 2nd place is $1,000 (WINNER NEED NOT BE PRESENT TO WIN). As we get closer to the event we will be updating the auction/raffle items.

Tickets are $60 and that includes 1 entry in the Reverse Raffle and also gets 2 people in the event with dinner included. There will be a cash bar selling beer and wine. It's going to be a good time for a great cause! You don't have to be present to win, so you can always buy a ticket regardless of whether you can attend or not.

We hope everyone can find it in their hearts to help us out by attending or at least by buying a ticket. Again, you need not be present to win the reverse raffle. Thanks so much for your continued support and prayers! We're just one family helping to make CF stand for "Cure Found!"

Are you too busy to send a donation?

Are you too busy to donate a service you could provide: A pie a month, babysitting for an evening, host a dinner party?

Are you too busy to use your creativity: A premade scrapbook, a handcrafted necklace, a homemade blanket?

As Dede fed me pieces of her cookie tonight I understood that this to-do list isn’t work, it’s a calling. The reason I’m called is because of these two special little ones. If you feel called to help: buy a ticket, donate an item/service, want to receive more information on future fundraisers, let me know! I am calling you!

Recent FB Post from a friend: Jacob was a cheater, Peter had a temper, David had an affair, Noah got drunk, Jonah ran from God, Paul was a murderer, Gideon was insecure, Miriam was a gossiper, Martha was a worrier, Thomas was a doubter, Sara was impatient, Elijah was moody, Moses stuttered, Zaccheus was short, Abraham was old, and Lazarus was dead…. Now what’s your excuse? Can God use you or not? God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the CALLED.

Pastor Jen and her neverending need to motivate;)

I think it's fairly obvious that my spiritual growth is really only in what some would call the infancy stage. I do not pretend to have all the answers. I don’t pretend that I have read the Bible from cover to cover. Actually, I get nervous when I go to a Bible study because I know that I will be asked to flip to a passage and I will not automatically know where to find it (unlike most of the other people that are in the class). Hopefully as I continue to study the Bible, make every effort to pray more often and things of this nature I will graduate to a toddler, but until then (and with any luck for much longer) I am so very thankful to have such a wonderful teacher.

In a little over a month I will be sharing my thoughts on a Bible verse in church. Hesitantly, I said yes (imagine that) to Pastor Jen’s request to speak in front of the congregation. I sent her my draft this week expecting feedback, but her motivation to dig deeper wasn’t even a thought when I was typing my ideas on the lesson. I really didn’t even think about God’s Grace at all while I scribbled my thoughts down. Before I go back to edit (and most likely change) the ending, I figured I should think about what God’s Grace means to me so that I feel more comfortable adding it to my message.

What does God’s Grace mean to you?

I don’t think any one person would define God’s Grace the same. Each of us has unique life experiences, trials and tribulations, mistakes and lessons learned, times when we coast through life without a care in the world. Together all of our unique experiences in life make us who we are.

Some people might describe God’s Grace as landing a job at the very second they thought they could not financially survive another week without a paycheck. Maybe you feel God’s Grace when you see your child smile or when they run to you with open arms when you open the door. Perhaps you feel God’s Grace when you ask a few friends to pull weeds and everyone shows up with gloves, shovels and love for one another, setting aside their personal agenda to help those in need. Sometimes it’s a picture of a sunrise or an elderly couple walking hand in hand as they stroll down the street. Recently I felt God’s Grace when I heard the results of biopsies and I will feel that same Grace when I receive the news from a friend that is anxiously awaiting a positive pregnancy test. A couple of my friends will soon feel God’s Grace as they hold their newborns for the first time.

I can grasp the above examples of God’s Grace very easily. I can relate to them, I have felt them and I am always looking for new life examples of God’s Grace in each new day. God’s Grace is everywhere and it fills up my spirit. When I think of this type of grace I cannot help but to smile and think of each occasion with love and hope.

Yet, where Pastor Jen wants me to see God’s Grace is different. There are many reasons that I love Pastor Jen, but the reason I decided to switch congregations is because her messages are filled with hope, love and amazing grace. My favorite hymn is Amazing Grace. I should have been able to get here when I was drafting my message, but I was stuck on consequences and wasn’t able to grasp to the grace part.

If we are being honest with ourselves we understand that everyone sins. Everyone fails to follow God’s rules many Many MANY times during their life. Over and over again we fail Him. Only by the Grace of God are saved from our sin. It is not because of our good deeds or because we follow the rules that we are saved, but because of God’s Grace.

Ephesians 2:4-9 But God, who is rich in mercy, out of the great love with which he loved us even when we were dead through our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ-by GRACE you have been saved-and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come he might show the immeasurable riches of his GRACE in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by GRACE you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God-not the result of works, so that no one may boast.

Thank you, always, Pastor Jen for letting God’s Grace Shine through you.
Amen.

Cancer Sucks Post # 480

A couple of weeks ago I emailed a friend to check in on her, but when I authored the email the purpose was to check on her daughter. She leads a very active life working full time and chasing her children from this event to the next. Months had passed since I had talked to her last, but I couldn't get her off my mind so I thought I would drop her a few lines to check in with her. Her response to me was that her daughter was going to be fine, yet she recently received a cancer diagnosis. She has to have a major surgery soon. She is young and healthy! She exercises regularly, eats her yucky veggies and protein filled almonds. She actually schedules and makes it to her annual exams...annually! A couple weeks ago she was getting frustrated with her children for not cleaning their rooms, now she fights for her life.

Yesterday one of my friends sat in the hospital filled with fear of the unknown. What were they going to find in her Daddy? How bad is bad? Then he had a stroke on the table...REALLY? A cancer diagnosis isn't enough?

Down the hall, in the same hospital is another friend visiting her mother...also undergoing cancer treatment.

A little over a month ago a little girl was cranky and more tired than normal, had a fever and said her tummy hurt. My children have these same symptoms all the time! A couple of doctor appointments and blood work and she's been in the hospital ever since. As I write she has been in the hospital for 28 days receiving potent chemo. To read about her courageous fight and follow as she (and her amazing parents) inspires all of us, click here


As you watch your loved ones fight, as you empathize with your friends as they support their parent, as you imagine how you would react if you just received the same news as a friend, or as the tears stream down your face just thinking of sweet little Isabelle, it is difficult not to feel helpless. I wish I could take on even a little piece of the worry or the doubt for the people at the top of my prayer chain right now. I wish I could explain why these young, healthy people are undergoing extensive, painful surgeries. I would like to be able to assure them that everything is going to be alright. I want to have the perfect words to tell them that God has a plan.

Yet, I know that even the most eloquent words will not take away the doubt that creeps in as you sit in the hospital room fighting the unknown. I know that the most thoughtful and perfect gift doesn't take the pain away when you're enduring the treatments or make the clock spin faster as you wait for the day of surgery to arrive. When I feel helpless and really just want to take some of the pain away I know that I can't.

I can tell you that I'm here for you in whatever capacity you need. I pray for you each morning and night. God's love is real. When you are scared, when you're tired, when you're doubting, open up your heart and let Him in. Let Him fill you up with love and restore your faith. Always know that you are in my prayers and I am here.

Today I'm remembering to take the time to hear the music. Last night I was frustrated as I paged through facebook. These four families, the ones at the top of my prayer list this week, are only the beginning of my prayer list that seems to grow and grow. When I read some of the complaint posts last night about things that really don't matter I wanted to scream: HEAR THE MUSIC! Instead, I will pray that they will let God in and feel His love, too.

SLOW DANCE (Anonymous author - Possibly
written by a six year old girl with terminal cancer in a New York Hospital)

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over

CANCER SUCKS!

To Erin on her Wedding Day:)

The ache somehow seems to lessen
When I think of you above
To know you are looking down on me
This day and always, with such love

Today I will marry my prince
And I know you are oh so proud
Selfishly I want you here in flesh
To walk me down the aisle (and to entertain the crowd)

But I know you are with me, on my wedding day and always
In my heart, in my actions and in every song I sing.
Daddy, I wish you were here today
But please know you will always be my king

Finality and Funerals

Last week I started my dad's estate tax return. I have known that it was due July 28th, 2011 since October 28th, 2010. I draft, edit and put together estate tax returns for any client with net worth of $X or more and they are always due 9 months after the date of death. I knew the return was due on July 28th when I attempted to draft the return in May. I only entered my Dad's name the first time. A couple of other times I paged through the financial information, but didn't even open the Estate Tax software. I knew what the return would look like, which assets would be on each schedule and that a tax wouldn't be due because it all passed to my mom, but every time I started to work on the return I had to stop. I would get to the part that I had to enter his personal information and I couldn't do it. I had to put in his date of death, but even worse I had to put in his date of birth. Every time I opened the software I could feel the tears welling in my eyes and I would close it. I have done between 5-7 client returns during the nine months with no problems opening the program or entering data, but each time that I attempted to complete my dads I couldn't make it passed the log in screen. It is very easy to put the things that you are emotionally attached to aside if at all possible.

Last week I had to do it. I had to put on my big girl pants and do it. The return on was due on Thursday. I couldn't put it off any longer. I drafted, edited and compiled the return just like I would do for a client. I made the two copies required and an extra for reference. I drove to the courthouse. I even talked with the clerks about the weather as they were file stamping the return. I wrote the check for the filing fee. I generally put the clients name in the memo section of my check so that later I can bill them for the expense. I left the memo blank empty as I handed one of the clerks the check. I grabbed my copy and wished them all a good day.

It was done. The return was timely filed. It was final. I had the file stamped copy to prove it. Instead of feeling relieved I started crying. Had it really been nine months since we packed up the hospice room? Is October really only three months away? Why does 30 have to be my first birthday without my dad? Coming to the end of the firsts makes everything so final. My boss tells people the first year is the hardest and he's pretty intelligent (don't tell him), so I'm assuming he's correct, but this "tip" is not very helpful when you're living the first year.

I blared Sarah all the way back to Woodville. Entering town I slowed down, I knew that I needed to stop at the flower shop. I had put thought into what I wanted, yet it didn't make the stop any easier. As I pulled into the parking spot my tears seemed to dry immediately. By the time I exited the car there were no visible signs that I had been crying. The owner of the shop commented on how nice I looked as I entered...I felt like screaming "Well, I'm glad I look put together on the outside because I'm a train wreck under the fancy clothes and trendy hair style!!!" Yet, I managed to put on a smile, write out my sympathy card and continued on to work and went on with my day with tearless eyes. I turned off Sarah and searched the radio of the first upbeat song I could find. I made up my mind that I was done crying for the day. Partly because I don't like to cry, partly because I felt bad crying just because I had to file a stupid tax return. The Hammitts were preparing to say goodbye to another parent in a little over a year, I should be able to get it together and complete a simple work day.

I did it, without any further tears, but I knew the next day wouldn't be any easier. I volunteered to do the sound at Norm's funeral for selfish reasons. I planned to attend the funeral to support Jenni and Amy, but when the opportunity to hide in the back of the church presented itself, I jumped! At least if tears were falling I would be hidden! At least if that "can't breathe" feeling wouldn't go away, I'd be out of site.

Friday was the first funeral I have attended since my fathers. (I happily volunteered to be the babysitter at the last one I needed to attend and I stand firm in my position that watching nine monsters is much easier than attending a funeral!) I knew it would be difficult watching my friends say goodbye to their father. I knew it would be difficult listening to the wise words from my friend. I was prepared for those things.

I didn't think about what goes on behind the scenes! I didn't think about all the things that Pastor Jen and Dave do behind the scenes at every funeral. I didn't think about how so many people have seen this community oriented man during his life as they loved him or even as they passed him on the street, but now I would be one of the last people to see him before they closed the casket. I couldn't fully comprehend what I was thinking, but as I was trying to wrap my head around my thoughts, my friend approached me and shared her the thoughts that mirrored mine. I was already concentrating on keeping my composure thinking about it, but had to turn away when she said what I was thinking out loud. Final. Unbelievable amount of respect for all Pastors and the wonderful staff and volunteers for Marsh and all other funeral homes after Friday.


I was able to turn away and hide most of the tears. I was able to maintain composure as I adjusted the sound and even as I watched my friends accept the flag in honor of their dad at the gravesite. As I listened to the trumpet sounding "Taps" I watched Norm's loved ones wipe their tears. It was heartbreaking and confusing. I'm still working on not asking the "Why's"...it's really difficult to get passed the "Why's" as you watch three young adults burying their second parent in a little over a year.

I went to my Dad's grave after the grave site service. I'm not sure if I felt obligated because I was already there, if it was because the way the cars lined up I was right in front of my Granny and Papa's site or if I would go there no matter where I was parked, but I finally went. My children had already seen his grave marker along with my mom and in-laws. I have planned to go see it on many days, but had not managed to turn down 582 since his burial until last Friday. It is a nice grave marker. Someone has placed flowers next to it. It's final.

My first year is almost over. My friends first year has started over, AGAIN. They received one of the same stones that we received. Saturday morning Lilly pointed it out and I smiled and told her "You're right, babe, they did. It's because they have a lot of people that love them, too."

I worked and played really hard this weekend. I thought the busyness and giving back would take some of the pain away...it did, for a while. I woke up this morning thinking I was going to be positive and supportive.

Instead I got another c call and I was right back to the "Why's"! I responded how I have been conditioning myself to respond, but today, after my long week of finality, it was difficult. Funerals are only the beginning of the finality.

Tonight I'm going back to "When you can't trust His hand, you can trust His heart."



God is Near.