Adults say the darndest things!

First of all, please know that I'm not offended when and if you say things like this to me, but I'm writing this so that you're more aware in the future of how the things you say might be...hmmm...well, quite simply put, WRONG.  I'm fairly certain that along with the faulty brca gene, I'm also missing a few sensitivity genes, so when people make comments like this to me, I just smile and shake my head.  However, I'm sure that not all people that have diseases are quite as immune to comments that are rather insensitive.

We've all heard the saying: Kids say the darndest things, but what I've found to be more accurate since my diagnosis is that kids say the most truthful things and adults say the darndest things!

I have had many kids ask me why I'm wearing the scarfs/beanies. I explain to them that I have cancer and that the medicine that the doctors are giving me also makes my hair fall out.  Some of them have asked if it hurt when it fell out, others asked it will grow back, and some were satisfied with simply knowing why I was wearing the scarf.

Adults, well, as my hair falls out, I continue to get things like this from them:

"You look like a lesbian"  (Absolutely nothing against gay or lesbian people.  I have many friends that choose this lifestyle and I was not at all offended by this statement. Yet, for some people it's probably not what I would consider a compliment.)

"I can't believe you lost your hair already!" (Really people, it's not fun to lose your hair.  Implying that it's gone more quickly than you anticipated doesn't make the person that's pulling their hair out in clumps feel any better!  On a bad day, I might have snapped: I can't believe you're wearing that shirt in public!)

"You look like a fortune teller, will you buy my lottery ticket?" (If I were a effing fortune teller, I would have had my tatas taken off a few years ago and avoided the chemo and radiation, dumb ass.)

"With the scarf and those big earrings, you look like a pirate!" (I do like to dress up for Halloween, but mostly because my lover has a kick ass party.  NOT because I want to look like a pirate every day.)

"How is Aunt Jemima doing this morning?" (Obviously better than you because you're an ass.)

"I didn't think you liked to wear the head diapers (chemo beanie)?"  (Actually, you're the one that said you like the scarfs better.  I just want to have something on my head when I walk out the door, but thanks for referring to my head wrap as a diaper!)

"Take that thing off.  You're cute enough to go bald." (From a person that doesn't even know my name, simply works in my office building.  Really, if I wanted your opinion, I'd ask, but in the meantime, why don't you shave your head and see what it's like to have everyone stare at you with pity when you walk by?)

"Are you feeling ok?  You don't look like you're feeling well." (Actually, no, I feel like crap!  I just had my second chemo treatment and shaved my head.  I feel like crap and I'm in a very public place trying to live my life.  Thanks for pointing out that I look as well as I feel!)


So far, this is my favorite.  Wait for it, wait for it!

After discussing all of the ailments that the person was suffering from (I pretended to feel ok even though I felt like crap and it hurt to open my eyes), they said: "I almost wish I had cancer instead." (After the shock and disbelief of what they said wore off a little, I still really don't have any words or comeback for this one!!! Instead I just shook my head and went on with my day.)

I hope you all got a little smile out of the responses that I want to give to people when they say these things and please know that I'm not at all hurt by some of the crazy things that come out of your mouths.  I just thought I'd share some of the things that might be better left unsaid in the future as you deal with people that have cancer.

AND since I'm giving you examples of things NOT to say, here a few tips for appropriate things to say!

BIGGEST, BESTEST ADVICE I CAN OFFER: 

 ACT NORMAL!!!

 

I'm still the same bratty, loud mouth, crazy person as I was with hair.  "Hey brat, how ya doing?" with a nice (GENTLE-some days I'm pretty achy) hug and "I'm thinking about you/praying for you!" Would be splendid:) 

 

If you like scarf or beanie, feel free to say it.  If you have questions about the scarf, the hair, the treatments, feel free to ask. 

 

BUT, if you think I look like a genie, gypsy, pirate, syrup spokesperson, or that I'm wearing a diaper on my head, please feel free to keep it to yourself!

3 of 8 done!! The doctor could feel a noticeable difference in the mass (smaller and more squishy like boobies are suppposed to be) and the lymph nodes are small enough she had to search for them!) Thanks for the pillow and blanket, Martha!! Heidi's joining us for the next round, so I'm sure she'll pretend she's a paparazzi and there will be more photos;)

 

I wore the wig for the first time when I went to visit with Sarah Beth Blakely and Ashley Lowry.  They both liked it just fine, but I only left it on for the first hour of our visit and it didn't feel right so I put the diaper back on my head!

 

TOTALLY WISH CANCER WOULD GET CANCER AND DIE!!  Thanks, Becca!

Some of the most amazing women I know!



Awesome birdhouse from Rich Harman

 Lots of other goodies, but sometimes I don't feel like snapping photos...or moving off of the couch:)  One of Lilly's girlfriends bought her an angel pin and I got the same one from one of my friends so she thinks that's pretty awesome and wore it to school today:) (Thanks, Carrie Kutchenriter and Kelly Biggert)

OH, and my sneaky friends had an oven delivered while we were at treatment last week!!!! I was complaining that my stupid oven decided it doesn't want to work and poof, there's a new one!!

And my mother-in-law came over with a bag full of much too generous goodies from her bunco group.  I promise that someday I'll get around to writing thank-you's!! But, seriously, you guys are too much!! (And I hope my bunco crew is as super awesome in wait, how many years have you been playing together?? 100?? :))

 

SOOOOO VERY BLESSED.

 

Lots of love,