Public Look In: Old Pine

Nothing new to report. Nothing profound to write about.

But not because I'm sick or too tired-because I've been busy living.

"Careless and young, free as the birds that fly with weightless souls"

When Aaron and I were younger, a couple of our favorite things to do together were camping and listening to live music together. (I think he will agree with this assessment?!) The song "Old Pine" by Ben Howard reminds me of this time in our lives when we were careless and young. I fell in love with it the very first time it was playing in our house. I don't often ask who sings a song, I just listen to whatever he plays, but this one had me with just a few strums on the guitar. This weekend we listened to live music and stayed at my uncle's trailer (much easier than camping with three little ones)...still a couple of our favorite things to do together.

"We stood steady as the stars in the woods,

so happy-hearted and the warmth rang true inside these bones"

If you haven't noticed, I'm not sitting around feeling sorry for myself, even when I don't feel well. I am standing steady and happy-hearted as I try to take in all of the beauty around me.

Friday night we pretended we were young and carefree. We did one of the things we used to do best: sat and listened to one of our forever friends rock out. We giggled with each other about how the times have changed and how crazy we were so many years ago. After listening for a couple hours, I asked if he was ready to leave and he said he wanted to stay a little longer. Aaron doesn't ask for much and I was feeling fine, just a little tired, so I happily obliged and listened for a while longer.

Earlier in the evening both JB and Mark, the members of Rockoustic, asked if I wanted to hear anything.

Joking (but bratty), I said: "Yes, I already put on your page that I want you learn a song for me." (Like they're just supposed to drop everything and learn a song when I request it;))

They both shrugged me off and asked if I wanted to hear anything OTHER than that?

"No, I'm happy with the playlist so far, but thanks for asking."

Sam, Jon's fiance, even went as far as telling me a white lie: "Mark doesn't want to learn that song."

So, we listened to them play a little bit longer. I thought fondly of the many nights we listened to them play during our youth. And then I heard a familiar strum on the guitar. I had to listen for a few moments, but I knew quickly what they were playing and my eyes started to fill with tears.

They did learn the song for me! I responded that I was coming and the very same day, both of them listened and learned. Over and over again they played the song so that they could play it live that night.

And I was happy-hearted and I thank the stars above for that moment as time seemed to stand still.

"Hot sand on toes, cold sand in sleeping bags, I've come to know that memories were the best thing you ever had"

I'm trying REALLY hard not to overschedule. I'm attempting to live more slowly and see more clearly. Saturday we planned to go to the lake if it was nice and stay home if it was going to rain. It was exactly in the middle, but at the last minute we decided to go to the lake. Just our little family, away from the crazy-busy for a little while.

Sparklers, golfcart rides, ice cream, books on the deck, relaxing with my babies, long naps, walking hand in hand with the loves of my life.

**Not like, "Ok family, hold hands and walk away from the camera and I'll take a picture." No, this was completely unplanned and spontaneous and perfect. I grabbed Aaron's hand and Keegan weezled his way in between us and Lilly and Cami grabbed each of our free hands. And my heart leaped with joy. It is etched into my soul instead of a photograph. I can see it even more clearly than I could if it were on canvas when I close my eyes tight.

"I've come to know the friends around you are all you'll always have"

We ended with the weekend with a house full of friends and I couldn't be happier when I'm surrounded with so many people that I love. Tons of food, lots of smiles and even more monsters filled the backyard.

You won't always have your health, you won't always have the best car or house, you won't always win, but you'll always have the ones you love.

Because they are part of you.

Hoping and praying to grow, MUCH older still.

"We grow, grow, steady as the morning

We grow, grow, older still

We grow, grow, happy as a new dawn

We grow, grow, older still

We grow, grow, steady as the flowers

We grow, grow, older still

We grow, grow, happy as a new dawn

We grow, grow, older still"

Last of the A&C treatments on Wednesday #4 of 8 total. Since I know what to expect, of course it's time to change it up;) I start the T drug (Taxol) after this treatment and this new drug offers an entirely different set of possible side effects.

We are also meeting with a plastic surgeon and the genetic couselor during this round.

In other related news, the two things I THOUGHT would be ok during this stupid treatment: no more shaving my legs and a little weight loss, ARE NOT HAPPENING!!! I think my leg hair has stopped growing, but I guess I'm going to have to break down and shave them one more time for the summer AND I'm GAINING weight!!! Unbelievable! My body hates me!

Aaron might have to physically place me in the car and strap me in this week. I feel so good and don't want to feel like poo again.