SURPRISE!

 PLANNER.  I'm a planner.  I plan days, weeks, months in advance.  I even plan "nothing days" where I plan to do nothing but play with the monsters.  Either way, they're scheduled days, written in the planner.

I've written about and told many people how I feel about surprises, but I don't think people understand.  I do not like surprises. 

When I was 10 my mom had a surprise party at a skating rink.  I cried and whined the entire way to the rink because I didn't want to go roller skating. Then, when we arrived, 10 of my friends were there with presents and cake and I looked like an ass for being such a brat.

When I was 16, she did it again!  She had Laurie and Laura drag me out of the house kicking and screaming because I didn't feel well.  They attempted to entertain me by line dancing on a country road and I was a major witch to them and demanded that they take me home.  I walked into a house full of friends, my first boy/girl party.  I took off my shoe and threw it at my mom.

I do not like surprises.

I'm not a huge fan of accepting gifts either.  I am a giver; the one that coordinates the cool fundraising ideas.  I have only been on the giving end until recently and it's very difficult for me to graciously accept all of the things people have given to our family.

Well, tonight Erin and Travis Nicolaysen joined our family for dinner.  This is not uncommon for us.  They met us for family vacation a couple years ago.  They make time to see us whenever they come back this way.  They are part of our family.  When Laine asked Aaron if we were busy and she said they have a surprise for us and to get a sub for volleyball, I was a brat.  I love to play ball.  It's one of the few things that I can still do (don't tell my oncologist, I'm sure I shouldn't be playing) and most likely I will not be able to play after surgery for a long time, if ever.  So, of course I was a brat and asked Aaron: Can't we have a picnic at the volleyball court?  My (annoyingly polite) husband told me no and that he had already invited them over for my mom's birthday dinner.  I pouted all week.

I worked 8-530 today. (I've been working shorter hours since treatment started. Don't get all excited.  I have been putting off this client meeting for a while as I knew it would be a long day.)  I was exhausted, but I was excited to see my wild and crazy brothers, Jake and Treydog and the rest of my family. We hugged and visited and then it was time to eat.  We sat down and everyone got weird.  Here we go, a surprise.

Travis and Erin set up a fundraiser without us knowing and raised a shit-ton of money.  Travis presented the donations in the most loving and Godly way possible.  It was overwhelming and beautiful.

And everyone in the room was crying except me.

Everyone left and Aaron said, is it bad that we didn't cry?  Everyone else was crying.  Does that make us seem ungrateful?

Laine called my mom and said they didn't know how to gauge my reaction for the same reason.

I'm simply not a person that cries easily.  I cried a couple weeks ago when I talked to my friends that paid my utility bill. I cried on Sunday because I've been sad about Pastor Jen leaving for quite some time.  That should do me for public crying for a good month/two/year/five years.  Even with everything going on, I'm simply not one to cry in front of people...especially when I'm surprised.

I do want everyone to know that even though I didn't cry, we are beyond thankful and feel so very blessed to be loved by SO.MANY.PEOPLE. All over the world, people are praying.  Fierce, bold, prayers of healing for me and that is the single most humbling thing I have ever been a part of.  People that I have never met, have once again come together to show support for this ugly disease and it's unbelievable and overwhelming. 

It's crazy and we are beyond thankful, but it is also VERY difficult for me. 

They say, it's better to give than to receive.  In my case this is so very true.  I was taught to work hard for what you want, be nice to others, and help whenever you can.  I know that is what people are doing for me now, it's just hard to graciously accept all of the wonderful, overwhelming support.

After the shock wore off and it was just Travis and I talking, my pseudo-family, I was able to speak to him candidly and actually thank him for all that he did.  Still, during that moment when he was presenting the donation, the surprise and disbelief won.  I just shook my head and made sarcastic remarks and self depreciating jokes. I suppose he's lucky I didn't throw a shoe at him! ;)

Thank you again, from the very bottom of our hearts for all of the support. 

We love you!

Blessed beyond words,


PS:  Aaron is planning a surprise for our anniversary.  He must want a shoe to the face! ;)

PPS: So very annoyed with the POPO.  Travis fell victim to the Woodville speedtrap and was issued a ticket for speeding in front of His and Hers Hair Salon...where tons of people speed.  He came to town just to give me a very special surprise and his reward is a speeding ticket.  #$)(#*%)(#@$&*%#)