During correspondence with my friend that has also lost a parent, I am reminded that the saying "it gets easier with time" might just be a saying! She thinks the saying should probably be "it gets DIFFERENT with time", not easier. As the time passes you don't think of your lost loved one less, you don't ache to spend time with them less, you just know better how to suppress the tears better or find a distraction before you let the emotion build inside of you (or go take a second shower so you can cry alone). When you hear a story about a mother and daughter going to a play or having a spa day and your mom is gone, it doesn't matter if your mom has been in heaven for a week or ten years! Either way you want to be watching the play with your mom or going to get massages together.
Last night I was feeling the sting of the swing shift. I have been rising with the birds in order to fulfill my commitment of a 40 hour work week (go working moms-NOT...I used to love being a working mom, but with Aaron's shift it is close to impossible to enjoy waking up at 530 to get in hours and I am severely missing the release I get when I attend boot camp)! Camille has not been sleeping well and honestly, I kind of feel (and look) sort of like a zombie! I was so excited when my mom called to ask if I wanted her to pick up pizza last night! It has been a long week!
Even though she bought and picked up the pizza I am much more thankful for the adult conversation AND help with baths than the pizza! She even attempted to comfort Camille the first time she woke up. She stayed and watched Grey's and most of Private Practice and it was so nice to have her.
When she left, I cried. Cried because I thought of the conversation earlier in the week with one of my best friends. She never gets help with the baths when her husband is working. It is such a simple thing: pizza and help with the bedtime routine. Yet, it is mutually rewarding because my mom enjoys spending the time with my kids, the kids love to sing and dance with her and I needed her company, too!
This is certainly not any different when it involves the opposite sex parent dying. My dad and I shared many of the same passions and enjoyed our together time as well, but last night I mourned for Sharon. Mostly because I want Tam, Andrea, Marci, Maryellen, Kelly to be able to call their moms and tell them that they are tired and that they need help with their monsters or want to take a shopping trip or simply go for a walk. Because they don't call me until they have already dealt with the situation and are feeling fine.
I also understand that it is not easier to loose a parent when you are older or your kids are grown, but young children can be exhausting. So, today I am thankful that my mom is around to help me and surprise me with pizza and bedtime routines. Unfortunately, I can't put any "spin" that brings Sharon or my other friends' mothers back.
What do you think? Does it get easier with time or should we just change the saying?
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