I haven't taken the time to write about grief in a long time. I pray for people that are grieving often. I pray for my friends that are pre-grieving as they are aware of an impending death of a loved one. I pray for my friends that are struggling to stay above water as the grief is so new and tangible. I pray for my family and friends who have made it through the first year and the thirtieth year. Yet, I haven't taken the time to put grief into words in a long time.
I'm forced to think about it lately because Camille is struggling with her emotions. Lately anytime she starts to cry, her response when you ask her what is wrong is "I miss my Pipi!" It had been quite some time since she said this before the last week or so...probably at least six months. When she started saying it again I shrugged her off. I thought to myself: 'get a grip Cami, you are just playin' me'. I really didn't think she was remembering my Dad. Until a few nights ago when we were in the garage, just the two of us, and she said "Momma, do you remember when we took a walk with Pipi in his wheelchair? I sat on his lap."
She wasn't in one of her pouting moods. She wasn't upset or trying to play me to get me to baby her. She was just remembering. The memory came to her out of the blue and I could see in her face that she was remembering the special day that she sat in my Dad's wheelchair and we walked around the neighborhood together. I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that it happens this way for my cuddly four year old, it's the way it happens to me, but I didn't truly believe she was feeling the 'missing' emotion before she told me about her memory. I make it a point to talk to my friends and family when I think they are feeling this emotion...I need to take the time to discuss the difficult topic with Camille, too.
One of my friends is dealing with a parent with a brain tumor. As she tells stories about her mom and the struggles she is facing it is all too familiar. Steroids causing emotional roller coasters, changing soiled clothes and sheets, family stress, decisions, end of life care. TOUGH STUFF.
I don't usually think about the memories during the last few months when I think about my dad, but when I hear the stories about my friends mom and out of the mouth of my baby girl, it's tough again. Those memories flood my mind and I am so very thankful for that time together, but I also remember praying for peace.
Tonight, I stayed up late to remember by myself. I'm better able to catch my breath these days when I look at pictures or close my eyes and remember, but the pain will probably always be strong enough to take it away initially. Continued prayers to my friends grieving in anticipation of what is to come, to those that are burying their mom this week, to those who buried their boyfriend and Pippi recently, and to all of people who ache where there is a piece missing.
Missing Pipi.
I'm forced to think about it lately because Camille is struggling with her emotions. Lately anytime she starts to cry, her response when you ask her what is wrong is "I miss my Pipi!" It had been quite some time since she said this before the last week or so...probably at least six months. When she started saying it again I shrugged her off. I thought to myself: 'get a grip Cami, you are just playin' me'. I really didn't think she was remembering my Dad. Until a few nights ago when we were in the garage, just the two of us, and she said "Momma, do you remember when we took a walk with Pipi in his wheelchair? I sat on his lap."
She wasn't in one of her pouting moods. She wasn't upset or trying to play me to get me to baby her. She was just remembering. The memory came to her out of the blue and I could see in her face that she was remembering the special day that she sat in my Dad's wheelchair and we walked around the neighborhood together. I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that it happens this way for my cuddly four year old, it's the way it happens to me, but I didn't truly believe she was feeling the 'missing' emotion before she told me about her memory. I make it a point to talk to my friends and family when I think they are feeling this emotion...I need to take the time to discuss the difficult topic with Camille, too.
One of my friends is dealing with a parent with a brain tumor. As she tells stories about her mom and the struggles she is facing it is all too familiar. Steroids causing emotional roller coasters, changing soiled clothes and sheets, family stress, decisions, end of life care. TOUGH STUFF.
I don't usually think about the memories during the last few months when I think about my dad, but when I hear the stories about my friends mom and out of the mouth of my baby girl, it's tough again. Those memories flood my mind and I am so very thankful for that time together, but I also remember praying for peace.
Tonight, I stayed up late to remember by myself. I'm better able to catch my breath these days when I look at pictures or close my eyes and remember, but the pain will probably always be strong enough to take it away initially. Continued prayers to my friends grieving in anticipation of what is to come, to those that are burying their mom this week, to those who buried their boyfriend and Pippi recently, and to all of people who ache where there is a piece missing.
Just the other day Adisyn was listing off people asking if they were going to be at the wedding(she listed you guys:)) and she asked if papa Jim was going to be there. It was so nice to hear her speak his name and ask about him because she was so little when he passed. I told her he will be there in spirit smiling down on us. We have to remember they are always here, especially in our hearts!
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm glad that Adisyn knows we are coming:):)
DeleteAnd you're right, they are always here:) Your dad will be looking down so proud of you for all of the hardwork you have put in to make your cute little family prosper on your wedding day and always:) XOXO