Jenni's Challenge Day 10

What are you afraid of?

I used to be afraid of lots of things...I will try to list some of them for your reading pleasure.

1. Making ANY kind of appointment!! Hair, tan, doctors appointment, reservations of any kind!!! Aaron doesn't baby me like my friends used to, so I have to do this now...it doesn't scare me anymore.
2. Calling to order food...of ANY kind! Pizza, subs, salads (who orders salads from Myles...only us probably!) I still prefer not to do it, but if it comes down to me cooking or calling for za...I'm calling for za!
3. Being alone. I hated being alone for the longest time...now that I have kids and Aaron works crazy shift, I'm used to it and use it to write or read...so I like it:)

All of my former fears were very childish...I was very carefree, reckless and immature...lots of people will vouche for this;)

Now that I'm an adult my fears are much more difficult to put into words, but I'll try to pick my top three fears at this stage in my life...real things to be afraid of opposed to the silly things I used to be afraid of!

1. I'm afraid that the decisions that I make are molding and shaping three little people each and every day, each and every step and action will not be good enough. I made a slip up tonight and not in front of one of my own...we were having an adult conversation and I used an inappropriate word...the next person I made eye contact with was a young impressionable girl who I absolutely adore. When the little ones hear something they think that it's ok and really it isn't. I fear that I will mold and shape them the best that I know how and they will not succeed or that my actions or my decisions regarding their well being will not be the best that they deserve. I fear that I will fail them in even the slightest.


2. I fear the cancer call. Who will be next? What will the options be? Will I be mad and want to throw the phone or will I have rehearsed how I WANT to react to the news enough in my head that my first reaction will be "I am here when you need to cry, but don't feel sorry for yourself for too long because you have the fight of your life in front of you!" I suppose more than the cancer call itself, because the cancer call seems to be inevitable, I fear my reaction to the call. I want to trust in Him so fully that I do not feel the anger when I receive the call or like He is somehow punishing me by inflicting cancer on someone that I love. I fear doubting God when I receive the cancer call, when I hear of a child's death, when I think of innocent lives taken too soon. I am working on this fear...sometimes it feels like I have to work on it every day.

3. I fear not being true to myself and my beliefs. I fear God.
I fear that I will never be good enough in His eyes: repent enough, serve Him enough, spread His word enough, believe enough.


Much deeper than in my teens and early twenties I would say...I am almost thirty!

What are you afraid of?