Many ideas grow better when transplanted into another mind, than in the one where they sprung up. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
Last weekend, almost immediately after I declared that I would strive to take the high road, I failed. I fell right flat on my face. I opened up my big mouth and the words spilled out like vomit. As soon as I said it, I knew that I hurt one of my lovely friends. I could tell by her deflated smile and body language that I struck a chord and she was not at all entertained by my off color jab. I didn't want to cause a scene, so I did not stop the game and apologize then.
In my circle of friends we give each other a hard time, we make fun of each other, we laugh at each others idiosyncrasies (snorting laughs, screams of excitement at a good roll, the first day of a spray tan). Most of my friends are used to me and do not take much (if anything) that I say to heart, but I need to be more careful when I choose my words. Sometimes the comments are just plain uncalled for and rude.
I felt guilty about my immature, mean comment all weekend long. The next day I sent an apology to my friend. Reading her response to my apology grounds me and humbles me to the point of tears. I had a pit in my stomach the rest of the weekend. I know that she's not the only one of my friends that feels this way and I really am trying to change how I speak to others. Like I said last week, the mean girl comments slip out more frequently than I even realize. Even though I am joking when I say them, when I bring attention to others insecurities, I am putting them down, whether that is my intent or not.
This week I am using her words as my mirror. I do not like the reflection.
" Your words can be hurtful at times and it makes me wonder how you truly feel about me"
I don't want my friends to feel like I feel anything but love and friendship for them. I admire this particular friend more than she knows for always sticking up for her friends, for not hesitating to tell me how she is feeling...for putting me in my place. She probably thought I would dismiss her idea about my poor behavior and not feed it, but actually I thought about it all weekend.
As one of my best friends left the party she said "I can only take you in small doses." I know she didn't mean to harm me when she made the comment, but since I was already feeling bad about my behavior this weekend, her comment reinforced my need to look in the mirror.
This weekend is not the the first time that I have failed. It's not the first time I have not liked the reflection in the mirror. A poem that I keep in my wallet to remind me to check the reflection often is in this post on temptation, defeat and the mirror http://publiclookin.blogspot.com/2011/03/temptation-defeat-and-mirror.html
I'm sure it will not be the last time that I fail. I'm sure I will have to apologize again. I'm sure that I will fall flat on my face time and time again, but I'm working on it. My rambling today is mostly for me. To remind me how I made my friend feel, to remind me of the guilt that I felt knowing that I hurt her, to remind me that I want and have to do better.
Listen to the ideas of others, grow them and feed them. Take a look in the mirror. Do you like the reflection?
Last weekend, almost immediately after I declared that I would strive to take the high road, I failed. I fell right flat on my face. I opened up my big mouth and the words spilled out like vomit. As soon as I said it, I knew that I hurt one of my lovely friends. I could tell by her deflated smile and body language that I struck a chord and she was not at all entertained by my off color jab. I didn't want to cause a scene, so I did not stop the game and apologize then.
In my circle of friends we give each other a hard time, we make fun of each other, we laugh at each others idiosyncrasies (snorting laughs, screams of excitement at a good roll, the first day of a spray tan). Most of my friends are used to me and do not take much (if anything) that I say to heart, but I need to be more careful when I choose my words. Sometimes the comments are just plain uncalled for and rude.
I felt guilty about my immature, mean comment all weekend long. The next day I sent an apology to my friend. Reading her response to my apology grounds me and humbles me to the point of tears. I had a pit in my stomach the rest of the weekend. I know that she's not the only one of my friends that feels this way and I really am trying to change how I speak to others. Like I said last week, the mean girl comments slip out more frequently than I even realize. Even though I am joking when I say them, when I bring attention to others insecurities, I am putting them down, whether that is my intent or not.
This week I am using her words as my mirror. I do not like the reflection.
" Your words can be hurtful at times and it makes me wonder how you truly feel about me"
I don't want my friends to feel like I feel anything but love and friendship for them. I admire this particular friend more than she knows for always sticking up for her friends, for not hesitating to tell me how she is feeling...for putting me in my place. She probably thought I would dismiss her idea about my poor behavior and not feed it, but actually I thought about it all weekend.
As one of my best friends left the party she said "I can only take you in small doses." I know she didn't mean to harm me when she made the comment, but since I was already feeling bad about my behavior this weekend, her comment reinforced my need to look in the mirror.
This weekend is not the the first time that I have failed. It's not the first time I have not liked the reflection in the mirror. A poem that I keep in my wallet to remind me to check the reflection often is in this post on temptation, defeat and the mirror http://publiclookin.blogspot.com/2011/03/temptation-defeat-and-mirror.html
I'm sure it will not be the last time that I fail. I'm sure I will have to apologize again. I'm sure that I will fall flat on my face time and time again, but I'm working on it. My rambling today is mostly for me. To remind me how I made my friend feel, to remind me of the guilt that I felt knowing that I hurt her, to remind me that I want and have to do better.
Listen to the ideas of others, grow them and feed them. Take a look in the mirror. Do you like the reflection?
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