With the Dawn of Redeeming Grace

Last year at the Christmas Eve service I allowed God's Love to surround me.  Everything that I was reading at that time seemed to center around love and forgiveness.  I was focused on it and I could see it very clearly as I looked around the church that evening.  I still feel this love, God's love, when I enter the church each Sunday.  I still pray for my family, friends and church family often, the ones that needed it most last Christmas, the ones that need it the most this Christmas and even the people that sit silently in the congregation each week with their thoughts and prayers.  I'm going to be realistic with myself this year and just assume that I will shed a few tears.  I'm actually pretty sure that I will leave the service feeling similar to how I felt last year:

http://publiclookin.blogspot.com/2010/12/love.html

I know that I will feel His love on Christmas Eve because I can feel it around me all of the time.  It's like a warm blanket on a cold winter night and He knows I need it on Christmas Eve.  As we prepare for His birth and as I celebrate my Dad's second birthday in heaven, I will need this warmth and love to feed my spirit. This year, as I finish wrapping all of the presents, as I sit silently and look at our Christmas tree, I feel like everything has changed but remains the same. My world was flipped upside down a year ago, but the rest of the world didn't stop.

With each new day, each new week, each new year, there is a rise and fall; a time that we fall short and a period of redemption that follows closely after we stumble; times that we struggle to feel God's grace and times where we seem to see His grace everywhere we look.

Last night I was singing Silent Night to myself as I wrapped presents.  Like most Christians, I can sing each verse from memory. It's always been my favorite hymn and Christmas song. I realized though, as I was singing "With the Dawn of Redeeming Grace", that I didn't really know what all of the words meant when they are all put together.  When they are surrounded by the other words of the hymn and collide in the same line of one verse of the song. I couldn't quite define what they mean. 

Dawn is defined by Google as the first appearance of light in the sky before sunrise.  One definition (again, presented by Google) of redeeming is atoning or making amends for error or evil.  Grace is defined by Google as the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.

Even though I knew what the words meant separately prior to looking up the definitions, I don't think I have ever heard them used together outside of "Silent Night".  I often hear people use "saving grace", but rarely-if ever,  "redeeming grace".  Once I start thinking about something, my mind focuses on it until I finally sort the thoughts out. I have sang "Silent Night" too many times to count.  I have memories attached to singing the song in church and as I sing my children to sleep.  It's my favorite hymn, yet I have never thought about this line before last night.

Last night I wondered what the writer meant when he put the words together.  Clearly I can't shoot him an email and ask him...since it was first written in 1816 and translated in 1859 to include the phrase "with the dawn of redeeming grace". I asked for other people to weigh in on facebook, but I wasn't able to provoke any serious responses that way either.  So, I guess you'll have to settle for my opinion as I sort out my thoughts.

I think the phrase "With the dawn of redeeming grace" in the context of "Silent Night" wraps all of my feelings about God's love, the importance of forgiveness, fulfillment that can only be achieved through Him and so much more into one.  As the sun rises (dawn) our Savior is born.  As the sun rises a new day is born, on the Holy Night Jesus was born. The One, that even in flesh form did not sin, was born with redeeming grace.  He led by example.  Instead of sending us to Hell when we sin, He died for our immoral actions (redemption) and offers life everlasting.  Christ The Savior fought for the poor and oppressed, the sinners and the outcasts. Through it all he offered forgiveness, love, beauty, balance, peace...GRACE. 

Through the dawn of redeeming grace, He offers us life.  Jesus, Lord at Thy birth.  Can you see the radiant beams in this dawn? Can you feel the warmth offered in redemption when you stumble and fall?  Isn't it quite graceful for Him to pick us back up and brush us off, over and over again, and love us despite our failures?  Through the dawn of redeeming grace a new day will come. See the radiant beams of hope all around you.  In the sunrise, in the smile on a child's face, in the volunteers that ring the bell for the Salvation Army, His promise is all around you!

I can't wait to sing "Silent Night" with the congregation this year.  With the dawn of redeeming grace, Merry Christmas!!

Thanks for waking up early to take pictures, Grant Cummings!

Taste the rainbow!

 Since I continue to receive notifications that people are following me on Pinterest, I feel like I need to contribute to the site in some way!  I haven't really spent too much time on the site, but I think this is the type of thing/activity that is posted on here?

Camille wanted to bring in skittles for her birthday snack this year.  I wanted to be a freaking over achieving parent and was not satisfied with simply sending in a bag of skittles...and my children REALLY like to do this type of activity anyways.  I waited until the last minute to purchase supplies and the local grocery store did not have skittles.  Once we started making her birthday treats Camille was ok with using the mini M&M's rather than the skittles that she wanted to send (and I'm sure the rainbows tasted much better this way too)!  

After they washed their hands, they sorted the M&M's by color while I frosted graham cracker with chocolate frosting. 

Once the canvas (frosted graham crackers) was ready, I let them create their own rainbows.

Camille was so super proud of her birthday treats:)  And they were super easy and fun!

Taste the rainbow.

Do You Yell at Your Kids?

Do you yell at your kids? I was asked this question recently by a FRIEND that actually knows me pretty well. 

You always seem so put together! This statement was said out loud by another friend that I feel knows me pretty well.

How do you get everything done and still have time to read and write?

Although I'm happy that I portray this image of a well put together mother, wife, daughter, employee, etc., I work each day to get everything that NEEDS to be done and leave the things that don't.   Many people struggle each day to get it all done even IF it looks like they have it all together. Since they have done it all for so long, they expect to be able to do it, other people expect them to be able to do it, usually it gets done! To the outside world they may seem to have it all, all the kinks worked out and running smoothly, but sometimes that is simply the picture painted for the world to see.

From experience, I can say that often when it feels like the world is crashing in on me, that the outside world, even my closest friends, might not know. To the facebook world, to people outside of my house, I appear to be sunshine and rainbows! (Ben even teases me and tells me that my poo probably smells like roses);) When all the things that are expected each day are too much to handle, usually I can put on my game face and nobody would know that I'm struggling. (I'm not feeling like this right now (so don't email me asking if I'm ok), but I have often and I'm sure I will again and again). I'm sure you know the feeling...like you're treading water, barely staying above it!  (TOO MANY TITLES is  what I picked as my blogger name when I started blogging-there is a reason).

So, in an attempt to clear a couple things up...facebook is not real life and the 5 minutes shared in passing does not paint the entire picture.  The brief interactions and postings do allow people to share in bits and pieces of other's lives.  Try to keep in mind that the bits and pieces that people are sharing are the bits and pieces that they feel comfortable sharing with the world. 

Most of the time, the things we share on facebook are the bright and sparkly moments of the work of 'art' each day.  Some days, behind the facebook screen and under the makeup, the work of art may actually look like a Van Gogh painting.  Super big YAY for this type of day!!! But honestly, how often does this type of day happen?  Other days the work of art looks more similar one to of Keegan's paintings: all over the page, colors running together, can't really even make out what the painting is supposed to be.  Most of the time it is easier to portray to the outside world that your world appears to be similar to a Van Gogh work of art rather than admit that it actually looks more similar to Keegan's.

Do I yell at my children?  ALL THE TIME!! Do I get frustrated with them, want to throw something, overreact to situations, lose my patience?  ALL THE TIME!!  Other than Aaron, they probably deal with my expectations (that are often too high) the most often.  I expect Lilly to help her brother and sister get ready in the morning.  I expect Camille to dress herself.  I expect Keegan to help pick up the toys.  When they don't meet my expectations I get frustrated with them.  Sometimes I overreact.  Sometimes I yell.  Sometimes they are put in time out for things that really aren't a big deal at all, but at the time they either need to go to time out or I will lose it!  When we are in public, most of the time my children pick up the paint brush and paint Van Gogh.  They are not always well behaved once we get home.  Their whining voices reappear, they throw more tantrums...they don't have to paint at home.

To address the 'looking put together' comment, I will paint a picture of myself at the beginning of the day (especially the days that I have to get the children to the sitter before I go to work)!  I attempt to wake up before the children so that I can get ready by myself...it never happens.  Camille is always up before me-now matter how early I rise.  She follows me around and I trip over her the entire time I am dressing. By the time I wake up the other two, I'm running late because Camille wanted her hair done when I was getting dressed.  I comb Lilly's hair, put on Camille and Keegan's shoes and pack lunches...WHILE they are eating breakfast.  Lilly puts toothpaste on the toothbrushes while I finish packing lunches-the entire time they are all yelling at me that someone is doing something wrong and I'm ignoring their tattles. By the time I load them in the van, I'm exhausted and really my day hasn't even started! My hair is always soaking wet as we scramble to the car, sometimes I haven't even brushed it yet.  Often I add makeup when I stop at traffic lights in an attempt to look as if I slept well and that I made an effort to look nice since I work in a profession that image is key.  This is before 8am...most of you see me after 5...when I have had a chance to breathe and think! I have had time to throw a braid in my hair and apply mascara.  I am not always put together, I have simply painted the picture to appear to be put together.

How do I get it all done? Simple!!!  I don't.

I love Keegan's paintings!  Maybe because he's my child, maybe because he's so proud to give them to me, but mostly because he makes my life seem like a beautiful work of art.  Even if the paint is running and smearing.  Even if there is more paint on the floor than on the canvas.  Because I survive the mornings knowing that I get to relax and cuddle with them in the evening.   My day does not always run like a well oiled machine.  It's not always rainbows and sunshine.  I smile through the days where the picture of my life seems to look like Keegan painted it because it makes the days where it looks like Van Gogh grabbed the brush that much better.

Yes, I yell at my children:)

Friday's Friendly Fun: All I Want For Christmas

Is my two front teeth! (Or to lose her two front teeth in Lilly's case)!

She wants to be able to sing "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" SO badly.  She's been working on them for a couple weeks now.  This picture was taken Wednesday, but she actually lost her tooth on Monday.  I am writing this Thursday night and the other tooth is now hanging on for dear life.  So within the next few days you will get to see her sing this song:)  She really wants to record herself singing it...Happy Friday!

(I AM SO HAPPY IT'S FRIDAY...most stressful week of work in a really long time)!

Ornaments (2)

We went to Genoa to pick out our Christmas tree this past weekend.  I studied each one carefully and finally decided on the perfect one. (Every year, I pick the perfect one-if you ask me). 

Maybe it wasn't exactly perfect?  Aaron had to take some off of the top...and the bottom of the tree.  But now that it fits inside our living room, it's perfect! Aaron strung the lights on Sunday and told me to wait until Monday to hang the ornaments.  This way he would be able to help us (help regulate the monsters so that none of my favorite ornaments were broken or distract them if I held a melt down is probably what he meant).

Sunday night when the kids went to bed I peaked into the tub of ornaments.  I didn't remember if I had taken them down in a specific order or if all of my favorites would be in one spot.  I unwrapped a few of the beautiful glass bulbs that my in laws have given to us over the years and then the one of me, Jake and my Granny.  I started to tear up and put them back into the tub and sealed the container shut. 

Monday afternoon on my way home from work, I blared Christmas music.  The happy Christmas music: Carol of the Bells and Baby It's Cold Outside were the last ones I listened to before I turned off the car.  A pine scented candle filled the house and I was greeted by my small army. Tons of Christmas cookies were lined up on the dining room table.  Christmas is a time to celebrate!  Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth. I was filled with love.  Christmas music was already playing and the children Could. Not. Wait. to decorate the tree!

 I anxiously and nervously opened the tub of ornaments. The monsters started grabbing and pushing and wanting to hang them all; so fast, without care.  I started to lose my patience.  I did not want any of my keepsakes damaged.  I wanted to look at each ornament before it was placed on the tree.  I wanted to remember.

I took a deep breath.  I set my favorites aside as I pulled out each ornament from the tub.  I let the children hang the rest...knowing full well that I would rehang them when they were done.  They finished and we ate dinner.  I asked Aaron to occupy them so that I could finish decorating the tree. 

I have a couple new favorites this year thanks to my friends.  Laura had one made with my Dad's picture, name and dates on it.  Ash gave me one that says "I love you all dearly, now don't shed a tear.  I'm spending my Christmas with Jesus this year." I am looking for few more to add to my favorites and give to a few special people this year, but I haven't found exactly what I'm looking for yet. 

I allowed the tears to fall while I hung each ornament with great care and love.  I cherish my Christmas tree and each little ornament and every memory that I think of as I hang them. Each night I sit silently and look at my memory filled Christmas tree. Once the kids are sleeping and the house is quiet, it's normally just me, the tree and my love affair with Joe Morelli (a character from a book-geeze).  Often I stand at the tree and try to pick out my favorites.  I find comfort knowing that my loved ones, both here on earth and in heaven, will spend Christmas with Jesus.  You just have to let Jesus into your heart.

Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas.

Original "Ornaments" post:

http://publiclookin.blogspot.com/2010/12/ornaments.html

A little over a year after my first post on ornaments and I still feel like that person that has to hold it together so that everyone else is ok.  I still try to hide my tears when at all possible.  I still pray for the Jones, Perkins, Kaydens, Tobias, Heinemanns whenever I grieve, as I simply can't imagine how they survived their grief.  I can't help but to feel sad when my family and friends are struggling.  I'm ok with it.  It's who I am.

Praying for too many to list right now.  Bold prayers.  They know I'm praying for them.

What Grinds My Gears #1

Obviously, I can not post some of the things that REALLY REALLY grind my gears on my blog (since the people that are REALLY REALLY good at grinding them are the ones closest to me in real life).  Most of them don't like it when I write about them at all, so I'm sure they would not approve of me writing about them in a "grinding gears" post!  Yet, per request, without naming names or implicating specific people or places, here are some of the things that grind my gears:

• Muffin top- Just buy clothes that fit!  I don't want/expect people to be size 0, just buy clothes that fit! People look much better when their clothes fit properly.
• FB "People You May Know" App- Yep, I know them, there's probably a reason we aren't fb friends.  This app shows me the same people ALL the time.  "You have 101 friends in common"...Really? Didn't know that! I rarely friend request anyone (also rarely reject a request), but if I do, it's not because an app told me to, but because I searched for them on facebook after I ran into them, met them or thought about them.  It's a dumb app, and I wish it didn't pop up all the time.
• Habitual Tardiness- As I age, I'm getting more tolerant of this trait. Probably because I have A LOT of loved ones that possess this wonderful trait.  It is not an attractive trait, but I find it much easier to deal with when I just assume that M, H and M will ALWAYS be late and simply plan on it! I often lie to them and tell them an event starts a half hour early...sometimes they make it when the event starts that way!
• Smoking Trick or Treaters!- I almost wrote an entire post on this the day after trick or treat!  I was so very annoyed by the number of parents walking around from house to house with their little ghosts and gobblins WITH A CIGARETTE hanging from their mouths.  I am not climbing up on a soap box here, I do still smoke cigarettes more regularly than I care to admit, but come on! Trick or treat is 2 (TWO) hours long!  Don't you think you could skip the cigarette and hold your monsters hand?  It is not attractive and honestly makes you look silly. 

I had a really stressful morning at work...this made my afternoon much better actually...I am smiling at the things that annoy the crap out of me...I might like this! 

Friday's Friendly Fun: Tradition

At the Advent/Christmas Bible Study, Pastor Jen asked us what our favorite Christmas tradition is?  What a great ice breaker!!  Even if you're a silent follower and never comment on my posts, I hope as you read the post today, that you smile as you remember your favorite Christmas tradition!!

My favorite Christmas tradition is hands down, easily, didn't even have to think about it...

THE SHRIMP FEST! 

Well before I was born, the Runion and Bowen clan started a Christmas Eve tradition that involves boiling mass amounts of shrimp.  Piles and piles of fresh shrimp, with the vein in it and the shell on it. Dishes of homemade cocktail sauce with too much horseradish in it. A cup of melted butter at every other seat. A collection of an entire month of newspapers lining the tables.  More recently we had tshirts made to commemorate the event.  All of my family jams into Uncle Paul and Aunt Con's house; every nook and cranny is full of laughing and shouting and "MY PILE IS THE BIGGEST"!

It's special and perfect and one of a kind.

Last year was the first year that we didn't celebrate my Dad's birthday at the Shrimp Fest.  I was uncertain and scared. I didn't quite know if I was ready to celebrate my favorite Christmas tradition without my Dad. He was so much a part of this big event throughout my life.  I knew it would be difficult for everyone to gather with his absence being in each thought of every person in attendance and the loved ones that decided not to make the trip home this year as well. 

We survived.  We smiled.  We remembered.

This year I am excited and proud and can't wait to open the door and see all of my family gathered around the tables to celebrate as we have each and every year of my life. 

I miss him so very much.  I'm sure a few tears will escape; even if I try to keep them prisoner.  But this tradition is ours and I get to experience this tradition because he is and always will be my Dad.   He would want and expect us to eat too much shrimp and laugh as we tell stories.  It was his favorite Christmas tradition too.

Celebrate, Remember and Embrace Tradition.

My Dad's last birthday on this side...with all of his siblings...at our Annual Shrimp Fest. 

Love you Dad.