Keep the candle burning

I post to facebook A LOT.  This year I have been pretty good at posting to my blog regularly; sometimes even more than once a week.  Around angelversaries, birthdays, and holidays I receive higher traffic to my blog.  People anticipate that I will write words from the heart; remove the layers of Laura and lay it out in words to be read and processed.

This weekend I had a high volume of hits searching for my blog by the blog name or by my name.  I'm assuming it's because some of the people that follow are waiting for my reaction to the shooting.  Waiting to see if I'll steer toward gun control laws or pump mental health awareness.  Whether I will say to trust in God, that He has a plan, or talk about free will.  Blame everything on the legislation that took God out of schools.  Maybe share the conversation that I had with my kids. And most certainly ask another WHY!

Unfortunately, I do not think that solves anything.  Even though MANY of my facebook friends are quick to state the answer to all of the worlds problems, I simply can not.

I am not able to answer how to prevent another tragedy.  I don't have answers on how to proceed.  I don't have answers on how to talk to your children because I stumbled on my words and choked back tears during the quick conversation that we had about the shootings.  I can't tell you how to make this NEVER.HAPPEN.AGAIN. I can't answer why.

I can only pray. 

Pray silently, alone with my thoughts after I have tucked and re-tucked.  I pray for the families. I pray for the children and teachers that witnessed. I pray for the helpers. I pray for the community.  I pray for my children to be safe.  Then I pray for me.

Why?  Why do I pray for me next?

Because I could easily let my candle go out when I think about their small hands turning cold.  It starts to flicker at the thought of picking a Bible verse to be read when they say goodbye to their babies.  I could let the darkness swallow me whole when I let my mind wander to the unopened presents and the indescribable pain that those mommies and daddies and brothers and sisters are feeling.  It.could.swallow.me.

So I watch the flame of the candle that flickers, but then relights. I pray that I don't let my light burn out because we need to carry the light for an entire community now; for a country that is grieving the beautiful faces of the little girl with cute blond hair like our own little angel or the handsome little boy with a dimple in the same spot as our ornery little monster.

I need to fuel my candle, keep it shining bright, so that I can raise my monsters to have the qualities that the preschoolers held up at church on Sunday: Helpfulness, Grace, Humility, Love, Understanding, Patience, Hope, Peace, Kindness, Mercy, Caring.  I have to shelter my candle when it flickers so that I can raise them to make the right choices and turn to God when it is dark.

They, the victims and their families, their community, our community, our country, needs us to keep our flame burning for them and for all of us. 

So, I pray for me.  Prayers that I can keep the flame burning for them.  I pray for you; prayers that you can keep the flame burning, too.

And

I hope for them to survive the darkness. 

And

I beg of Him, down on my knees, that somehow, someway, someday

That they can find peace. 

And

That they can feel the love and comfort when our candles shine bright in their honor.

Keep the candle burning for them.

John 3:16-21

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. ¹⁸ Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. ¹⁹ This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. ²⁰ Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. ²¹ But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.

Etsy Plug

Etsy Plug: http://www.etsy.com/shop/boutonrougedesigns

As many of you know, the diamond fell out of my wedding band.  I was crushed and decided that if we wanted to keep the house we live in, we shouldn't purchase a new diamond or a fancy new ring.  Instead, I looked on Etsy. 

I LOVE my new ring!!  Totally would have been perfect (for me) as a wedding band, but since my Mom is having my grandmother's old diamond put in my old ring, I'll wear it on my right hand when I get my original wedding ring back.  Doesn't mean I love this one any less, but my original ring is a heirloom and I love it, too!!

Anyways, I am totally in love with the ring and I've been showing it to all of my friends, but thought I would plug her shop publicly, too!  Turns out she is taking the next month off to complete outstanding orders and spend time with her family (which I totally support and respect).  After the holiday rush, check out her shop! Chrystal Shaw even took the extra step and sent me a cute little thank you note with my order! :)

You pick the the words/dates/abbreviations/whatever you want on the products that she sells.  Here is mine.

 

Mark 10:6-9

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’^{[a] 7} ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,^{[b] 8} and the two will become one flesh.’^[c] So they are no longer two, but one flesh. ⁹ Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Spoiler Alert

WARNING SPOILER TO FOLLOW. Do not read any further if you don't want to know the real meaning.  If you don't want to imagine a world full of true believers.  I often need the reminder, too.

On Sunday before we started practicing for the play, I wanted to have a little chat with the Sunday School class.  I was informed that one of my beautiful young students was saying some rather nasty things to one of their classmates.  (Good and bad thing about living in a small town: usually you hear when one of the monsters is acting up) 

I started my spiel:

Girls and Boys, I think everyone here knows the difference between nice things that we should say and mean things that we shouldn't say, don't you think?  (Heads nod yes)  Well, this week I heard that one of you might have been using mean words instead of nice words when you were speaking to one of your classmates!  Aren't you all learning about bullying?  (Heads nod yes)  Don't you think we should use our words to talk nicely to each other rather than tell each other mean things?  (one student slumps farther into their seat.  Carefully, I avoid making more eye contact with that student than any of the others, but I can tell they are getting the message)  Did you know that when you do bad things, people usually hear about it? Adults usually find out, sometimes me, sometimes your parents!

Fellow teacher interjection: But we shouldn't do things/not do things in fear of what our parents might find out.  We need to practice what God wants us to do at all times.

Ah, GOD!!  We were at Sunday School!! GOD!  What a concept!!  Yes, we need make the right choices for God, not because our parents will find out or because the elf will tell Santa or because Santa is watching.  Because God wants us to make the right choices and use the free will that He granted us in the right way!!

_________________________________________________________

Last night I wrapped Santa gifts.  (YES, I'm aware that this makes me SEEM like an overachiever, but really it was boredom more than anything.  I can only watch so much football and this seemed like a good way to sit in the same room as Aaron AND accomplish something that needs to get done).  Anyways, I moved the ELFING  Elf on the Shelf AND wrote a ELFING note to my children.  I wrote it and smiled and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy.  I wrapped piles of presents and joked with my husband that we bought many of the same things for the kids during our shopping trips.  (YAY US AS PARENTS...WE MUST BE LISTENING TO THE KIDS BECAUSE WE BOTH STATED THINGS LIKE: "Well, he said he wanted a ninja turtle or she has been asking for a notebook!"  BOO US AS PARTNERS-not very effective communication buying a few gifts twice! ;))

Then I packed away the gifts that were wrapped and Aaron took them to the attic.  I hid the other presents until another evening that I will be expected to watch football with the bearded man that lives in my house.  I went to bed feeling accomplished and excited for the monsters to see the ELFING elf and even more excited to think about them opening presents from Santa.

But, only just now, as I'm listening to "KEEGAN, TOUCHED ROSIE!!  IS SANTA STILL GOING TO COME!?!?!  MOM, I'M GOING TO BE SO MAD AT KEEGAN ALLLLLLL YEAR LONG IF HE STOLE ROSIE'S MAGIC!!" ETC ETC ETC, am I reminded of the spoiler that is sometimes forgotten during this wonderful season! 

CHRISTmas!  CHRIST is the reason for the season.  Yes, my monsters attended Sunday School this week and we practiced a play about the inn being full and touched a little on the birth of a baby.  Yes, they all sat on the steps in front of the congregation and listened to the children's connection about the meaning of Advent.  Still, if I'm being honest, they know more about the story of Santa and Rosie the elf than they do about the stories from the Bible.

I'm teaching my children to fear an Elf.  A ELFING ELF! 

I'm teaching my kids to fear that I will find out about their poor behavior if they are mean to others!  FEAR ME...Or at least, fear that I will tell their dad!! (Tonight they were probably pretty scared of me.  When the blender exploded on me, it was the last straw.  I threw a tantrum and sent them all to bed.  It was already later than their normal bedtime, but I turned into crazy, possessed, elf-eyes, head spinning, psycho mom.)

 Anyways, back to the subject.  Where does God fit in?

Might I propose a way to fit God in?  No, it's not going to be to touch the ELFING elf and make it lose all of its ELFING magical powers!  (I do believe that imagination is VERY important for young AND old minds alike.)  I'm not asking you to tell your little monster(s) that Santa isn't real!!

Instead, I'm going to read a story from the Bible each night in addition to moving the ELFING elf.  A great resource that also includes coloring pages: http://ministry-to-children.com/advent-coloring-pages-joy/.  I'm going to teach them about hope, finding our way, joy, peace and most importantly that He is our Savior! 

Just imagine!!!! A class full of monsters that believes in hope rather than name calling!  A team full of monsters that turns to God when they are having trouble finding their way! A young workforce that knows the joy that He can add to their work life and home life!  That same class of monsters will soon be middle aged adults, shaping the lives of new monsters, wouldn't it be great if they knew how to find peace through God!?  And what a comfort it would be when they all gather for activities at the nursing home someday.  I hope that they remember that HE IS OUR SAVIOR!

Imagination is important for both young and old.  What do you say?? Join me in sharing the spoiler.  Teach your monster(s) about the ELFING elf, but teach them about the new baby that will be born soon, too!  A new baby, Jesus Christ, Our Savior and Lord was born on Christmas day. Just imagine it!!  I believe, do you?

After my day today, my belief in God is the easiest thing for me to believe in. 

** PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SUBSTITUTE MY FAVORITE WORD FOR ELFING WHERE IT FITS;)




 

ScAnDaL

I think most everyone that follows my blog or my facebook feed knows that I'm a "Grey's Anatomy" fan.  When they started running "Scandal" after Grey's, sometimes I would watch it, sometimes I would fall asleep.  Lately, it has my attention.

For a complete background of the show (if you're interested): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scandal_(TV_series)

The main character, Olivia, is a gorgeous and very intelligent young lady.  She is the founder of a company that handles damage control for important people.  Sometimes I wish I was an important person and I could have someone on retainer to do damage control!  Seems to me, her toughest client to "fix" is herself.  How true is that in real life?  I can normally give very sound advice, but I don't always take it and follow it myself!

I could go on and on about the characters and  the show.  I'm pretty sure I could talk to Shonda Rhimes for days and days and days if I had the opportunity.  I mean, she is the writer of BOTH television shows that I watch.  Actually, I could probably write a couple pages on the twist at the end of last nights episode! But, I'm stuck on something...else. 

This look that the characters portray when their mind wanders to the person they once loved. Both parties consciously decided to leave the relationship, for whatever reason, but it's still there, this look. Something. Even when everyone makes their decision, the next move is decided, it's still there. Something.

I asked for input on fb and within a couple hours I had what I was fishing for. A friend stated that she was sad for the male character, Fitz. The character in the show that cheated on his wife, while he is the President of America, nonetheless! Why should we feel sorry for him? He's the one that strayed from his marriage. If he wouldn't have looked outside his marriage, he wouldn't have fallen for Olivia in the first place.  But, the truth is, I cried for him, too. WHY?

Then I thought about how Olivia looked when she anticipated seeing Fitz.  The most amazing dress, perfect shining hair...absolutely stunning. 

I still do the same thing when I anticipate seeing someone I once loved.  When I'm aware that I will/might possibly see an ex, I HAVE to have a new dress and heels.   No matter how many years pass,  I feel the need to prove that I am still attractive, appealing, intriguing.   I'm married with children, (sometimes happily, but committed either way;)) yet I still want to look my best (which also includes a smile of happiness plastered on at all times exaggerating how wonderful (said in my head with annoying inflection) my life is) if I run into a person I used to care for deeply.  WHY?

Anyways, "Scandal" is part of my two hour per week television time.  Usually I watch it, it passes the time and I don't think much of it after I turn off the boob tube.  Today I can't get it out of my mind.

My desired conclusion: Every relationship means something.  The beautiful ones that you remember fondly, but also the craporama, awful, painful ones.  Maybe the shitastic ones have the biggest hands in shaping us into the person we're meant to be!  Who knows!

I'm not going to pretend to have the answer, it's just what's going on in my pretty little head today:)

 

Conversations with Crackheads: Thumper

Esther: So, are you dressed alright today or do we need an intervention??? Thank you for posting the pic by the way, I laughed out loud! (well, technically I screamed in horror first, then laughed)

 

Thumper: Teeheehee:) Yeah, I'm good today. No intervention needed today. Miriam called me and asked if I was in depression or something...I had a bad outfit on the day before too:)

 

Abigail: Actually, I didn't see it on FB... Matthew said "oh, you have to see PLs (Pastor Laura's) post... The picture at the end is hilarious!"

 

Thumper: Matthew calls me PL now too?? Sheesh!

 

Esther: I think Luke prefers "Thumper" so that's what he calls you.

 

Abigail: The entire community of Elmore & Woodville calls you Pastor Laura .... We are not scared of Pastor Jen when we miss Sunday school & church... We are scared of you!

 

Thumper: Good!! You should be!! It's exhausting praying for everyone by myself each Sunday!! ;)

God loves you even when you don't come to church.  I do, too! 
(But, I'll pick up your kids for Sunday School on Sunday:P)

 

What NOT to wear

When I wake up in the morning, I generally have a monster/two in my bed. 

Side Note: I'm over it wanting them out. It won't do any good to lecture me and tell me to take them back to their bed over and over and over again.  I need every minute of sleep I can get between the coughs and bad dreams and the random alarm that goes off on the radio in the kitchen and the thoughts that flood my head JUST as I lay down to sleep.  I'm over the fact that the monsters climb in bed at the wee hours, so don't bother to lecture me.

I attempt to shower and dress without waking whoever is occupying MY spot on the bed. I'm just going through the motions, really.  I lather, rinse, dry and dress without actually opening my eyes. I usually select whatever color I seem to have the most of clean in my closet and match it with something black.  Sometimes I opt for brown and rarely (when I haven't put away clothes in a few weeks) I pull out a pair of khaki pants.  Next, I put on eye liner and mascara.  (Mostly because I will have one less friend if I refuse to wear the makeup).  If I'm dropping the kids at Christina's house, I brush my hair before I walk out the door.  If not, I brush my wet mop on my commute.

Another side note: I am younger than everyone at my workplace by 10-30 years.  I gave up attempting to look my best each day about a month after I started working here. I quickly realized they didn't know if I was dressed in style or not. 

After I arrive at work, I gulp a cup of coffee AND finally, open my eyes. 

THIS IS THE RELFECTION TODAY WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR!!  EEEKKKKK!!! 

This outfit, it's just wrong on so many levels, I'm not going to even attempt to critique it.   Jen, please don't show this to your brother, he'll make me stop wearing skinny jeans today!

I'm not even pretending that I'm trendy or stylish on this blog OR in real life, but WOW.  This is bad!!!  Maybe I should look in the mirror BEFORE I walk out the door?  Eh, probably will not happen:)

GOOD THING I WORE A COAT TODAY AND I DON'T HAVE TO FACE ANYONE OUTSIDE, IN THE ACTUAL REAL WORLD!
What NOT to wear!


 

Let the RIGHT light shine through

Lately I'm having a difficult time letting the POSITIVE light shine through.  Instead I really just want to keep the good light to myself and get rid of all the negative light.   Selfishly, I think I can bundle up all of the beautiful light and bury it down deep inside for when I really need it again. 

When I do seem to share the light lately, it's not the beautiful light that I CAN spread when I am focused and determined to be a better person.  Instead, it's the blinding light.  The kind that blinds you when the sun catches the first snow just right and you can't see where you're going!  Have you ever realized when you're spreading the wrong kind of light?

It can be tiresome to offer a different opinion, to remind each other that nobody is perfect, to offer grace over judgment ALL THE TIME.  Sometimes I am mean and judgmental and gossipy.  Rather than defend people or offer a reason for their behavior...I join in.  I know, that's awful!  I'm aware that it's not nice.  I really am trying to be a better person, but sometimes the mean girl just slips out! TRUTH.

Then, I noticed one of my friends taking the high road.  Rather than join in, they distanced them self from the drama.  I WANT to do that the next time. 

I wonder if anyone else noticed my friend taking the high road and slipping away from the table nonchalantly?  I wonder if that's even more effective than trying to defend or remind or deflect to a subject of more value?  Their stand certainly caught me off guard and brought my poor behavior to my attention! 

Most of the time when I'm spreading the ugly glaring light, I'm picking on someone sitting at the same table as me.  HOPEFULLY they know that I'm joking with them when I point out something that they may be insecure about.  I am very bratty to some of my bestest friends on a regular basis, but that still doesn't make it right.  Simply because we are friends doesn't give me the right to share my ugly light with them.  They deserve the beautiful light, too! I should be spending my time building them up, not tearing them down. 

(Personally, I like it when they ask me if I have a birds nest in my hair when I'm wearing a pretty flower, but that's probably because I'm overly confident)

I'm going to have to work harder to let the beautiful light shine through, try not to be selfish and keep all the magnificent colors to myself and only let go of the ugly light. 

Big thanks to my friend for taking a stand.  I noticed and next time I'll try harder follow your lead!

Let the light shine through, but make sure it's the right kind of light. 

“As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” -Marianne Williamson