Tutu's are for ballerinas

Day 15: Protein bar, coffee, salad with ranch and cheese, Shakeology, one-half of a raisin english muffin, healthy cookie; No exercise

Day 16: Protein bar, coffee, turkey tom, bbq chips, 3 pieces of homemade pizza with artichokes, onion and cheese, pistachios; Turbofire with Aricca, Amy, Lindsey and more:)

Day 17: healthy cookie, coffee, twix, 6 inch spicy Italian from subway, protein bar (I was too busy at work to eat...wasn't intentionally starving myself); NO EXERCISE...addicted to book...need to put down book and exercise...need to run...need to be able to complete 3.5 miles with obstacles...$70 is not enough to keep me motivated for the tutu race! Maybe if I try the tutu on again I will be inspired again!


Day 18: Raisin English muffin, coffee, chef salad with ranch, hot dog, french fries, assorted gross veggies, pickle, protein bar (WOULD HAVE EATEN CHIPS, BUT WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY), 3 beers; 2.1 mile jog

Day 19: protein bar, coffee, DONUT:(  They just look so yummy, I couldn't walk by and not grab one.  Zero willpower! ZERO!

In order to get 4 workouts in this week I'm going to have to do two out of three days:(  Shouldn't have slacked earlier this week because I know I'm not going to want to do one tonight...hopefully I can force myself to do one tomorrow and Sunday!

Screw it, tutu's are for ballerinas and I'm not a ballerina! Less than a month til the tutu race...I have a feeling this is what our picture is going to look like:)

Operation Tutu...pants are starting to fit better...NOT!

Day 11: Protein bar, coffee, turkey sandwich on wheat-lettuce, banana peppers, American cheese, mayo, pickle, healthy cookie, sour patch kids, chicken, asparagus, chocolate milk...going to bed so I don't eat anything else!; Jog 1 mile, walk 1 mile...easy workout needed...not just because my pants fit better, my body is screaming to take a break! Bought a new pair of workout pants and a tie dye sports bra...didn't give me any extra motivation to run harder or faster:) Running sucks.

Day 12: Protein bar, coffee, chai latte w soy, soft taco supreme, cheese quesadilla, Shepard's pie, wheat thins, raisin bran crunch; jog 1.5 miles and kettlebell workout

Day 13: Matt Hammer is the devil! One (Aaron only bought one for each of us, so he's not totally in the dog house;)) doughnut from Ideal Bakery.  Eaters remorse after I ran...since I ran solely for the doughnut when I was planning on running for my beer tonight!  Matt Hammer-devil!, roots chicken sandwich, potato salad, ice cream with hot fudge and peanut butter, cheeseburger, Friday night fries, cookie, chips, cheese puffs... pretty much anything that was placed in front of me after WAY TOO MANY beers...I think I threw the majority of it up though...mid conversation with my lover:); 2 mile jog

Day 14: Coffee, 3 oreos during fellowship at church...yep, I was up, showered, dressed, children ready and at Sunday school at 9am.  It was rough and I looked like I was going to fall over, but I made it;)  Cheeseburger, fries, COKE...(yummy, I missed pop the last couple weeks), Shepard's pie, GALLONS of water, Gatorade; 3.5 hours of straight volleyball sweating out beer.

SOOOO, when I started writing this post my pants were fitting better...after this weekend, back to the very beginning...it's not the very best place to start!

Back to looking like this guy below...eating my rabbit food for lunch!

What do I stand for?

What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know.

LOVING Fun. lately.  Thought provoking music on life with a fun beat and great lyrics.  They are quickly becoming one of my favorite groups!  I am even choosing to listen to them over Lily, Sarah and PJ most nights!

What beliefs build your foundation?  What things make you, you? How can you find the good out of the really bad? And do you have the strength to search for the good over and over again? When you're on the top, do you hold true to your beliefs or do you do whatever it takes to continue to stay at the top?  How do you rely on your beliefs in times of despair?

In Bible study we talked about how the person that rises to power out of love is usually defeated...or killed. The person in power out of authority usually kills/defeats the person in power out of love.  Jesus, The One that healed the sick, calmed the storm, raised the dead, was crucified under Pontius Pilate after Pilate himself stated: “I find no basis for a charge against this man.”! Isn't that sad?

This is only one example of authority over love, but it happens all of the time.  It's the reason that so many people believe sayings like "nice guys finish last" or "being nice gets you nowhere".   History seems to support these theories! 

Are you still ready to fight for what you stand for when you think of it in these terms?  The beliefs that you listed in your mind when you read the questions at the beginning of the post, do you stand for them when it's difficult, when you're scared, when you don't know the correct answer?  Would you still stand up for your beliefs if you knew it meant you would finish last?

It's easy to claim that you believe this and support that when you're on the top, but what do you cling to when you're climbing out of the pit?

Take the time to really think about what you stand for!

What do I stand for? Most night, I don't know.

Operation Tutu #2

DAY 5 ALWAYS is my "start to give up on diet" day.  Day 7 is always, "screw this, I don't want to be skinny this bad" day.

Day 5: Protein bar, coffee, McD's cheeseburger and small fry (I WAS GOING TO SEE MY FRIEND IN THE HOSPITAL AND THAT'S WHAT SHE WANTED...CUT ME SOME SLACK;)) But it was totally yummy and I did not get a pop;)  I suppose Shakeology is what's for dinner! Shakeology and a teeny tiny piece of pizza, popcorn; Week 2 Jillian and 1.25 jog

Day 6: coffee, roast beef sandwich-10 chips...seriously, I counted!!, healthy cookie...FALL OFF BANDWAGON AGAIN HERE!! Marg, basket of chips (SERIOUSLY LIKE THE WHOLE BASKET) and chicken enchilada from Dirty Ernies; Walk 2 miles-totally didn't want to do anything.  My knee hurt, I was tired from running around all day and did not want to do anything.  2 mile walk was the best I could do!

Day 7: Protein bar, coffee, cod fillet, rice, hot dog, handful of chips, one piece of cheese pizza, protein bar; 3 hours of volleyball

I TOLD YOU I WOULD SUCK FROM DAY 5-7...starting over again;)

Day 8: protein bar, coffee, chai latte w soy-eeekkkk...I said yes to the partner that is equally addicted to Biggby's, but told him not to ask me again all week, turkey sub from subway, STARVING DURING THE AFTERNOON! My stomach is making freak noises too.  I REALLY want to go buy a bag of chips...yummmm...I WANT CHIPS! I didn't have any though...Shakeology and spinach salad, one healthy cookie while it was fresh out of the oven...it almost tasted like a real cookie...almost, apple; Insanity; Pure Cardio...sweatin' like an Ashley...with Ashley:)

Day 9: Protein bar, coffee, HUNGRY, buffalo chicken salad with cheese and ranch...I was starving and needed something with my rabbit food, piece of sourdough bread with butter, spaghetti with chicken breast, 3 healthy cookies...could not get full!; Insanity: Cardio Plyo with Ash and Amy:)

Day 10: SORE!! Protein bar, coffee, 2 pieces of Vito's pan mushroom/peperoni pizza, 2 pieces of cheese bread...it's admin day-I had to eat with the office! I did refrain from purchasing a coke.  I really want one, that has to count for something;), two sausage links, raspberry mocha from Main Street Mocha, healthy cookie, peanut butter and jelly sandwich...probably have a couple beers with Aaron if I can stay up til he gets home; 2.5 mile jog

I did bad again today...not as bad as I would have done 10 days ago, but not good either...I'll start over again tomorrow.  Or maybe I'll go with one of my friends approaches this week!? Go tanning and get my hair done-5 pounds gone instantly:)


 I have been referred to as a chipmunk my entire life (by somebunny that loves me)...rumor has it I have chipmunk cheeks...here is me dancing in my tutu for you today:)

Operation TUTU

So, someone that is not very intelligent, decided it was a GRAND idea to convince some of her friends to sign up for the warrior dash.  A person that has NEVER liked to run and wasn't really even working out when she thought it was a good idea to sign up to race 3.5 miles WITH obstacles.  A person that really likes chips and beer...oh, yeah, me. I decided that we should do this stupid warrior dash.  Ashley decided that we should wear these "cute little tutus"...except I tried it on and it's NOT CUTE on me!!! I look like the overweight toothfairy.  It's frightening!

On a mission after a picture in the tutu shocked me into crash fitness/starvation mode!  I needed some motivation for the tutu race and bathing suit season anyways...the disgusting tutu picture did the trick!  Cutting out pop, chips, and beer adding water and veggies...I hate veggies. Committing to a workout at least 4 times a week. Most likely I will still purchase a different tank top because I'm not envisioning my Mommy pouch/beer belly getting to the point where I feel comfortable in that tight bright blue tank top that shows every roll and curve, but hopefully I will look a little more appealing by the end of Operation Tutu!

Day 1: Granola bar, coffee, STARVING BEFORE LUNCH salad-no cheese or meat with ranch, vitamin water, shakeology, 3/4 piece of cheese pizza, popcorn; 2.75 miles logged

Day 2: Granola bar, coffee, 1/4 of the full size garbage salad (last week I ate the entire thing...EEEKKK),  shakeology, one piece of bacon, apple (Full all day until about 9pm...apple did help); TurboFire with Aricca and walk with Amanda:)

Day 3: Protein bar, coffee, chai latte w soy from Biggby's (totally not my fault...a partner at the firm beeped with a request to use coupon-I had to do it!), wheat bagel with cream cheese, one-half of a roast beef sandwich on sourdough bread with cheese and a small amount of mayo, small helping of mac and cheese, apple ...REAL FOOD WAS AMAZING TODAY!; Brisk 2 mile walk/run with Marci:)

Day 4: Protein bar, coffee, garden salad-no cheese or meat with ranch, baked potato with lots of broccoli and pepper, a little bit of cheese and a pinch of bacon...and I'm stuffed!  Two healthy cookies (oatmeal, raisin, cranberry, kuskus, almonds, wheat flour, butter). It's crazy how in less than one week of eating less I'm already used to it.  I don't feel like I'm starving and I have more energy. (STILL TOTALLY WANT THE CHIPS, POP, AND BEER).  I feel like I can't drink enough water.  I'm thristy all the time...anyone know why?; Week 3 of 30 Day Shred and a 1.25 mile jog

Anyways, I will not post Operation Tutu updates to facebook after this, but for those of you that have started a mission of your own, you can check your progress against mine, but I don't own a scale and I'm too lazy to measure. So really you can just follow if you're nosey and want to make yourself feel better about your dieting failures.  I always start slacking around day 5 and give up totally by day 7:)  Really I'm just blogging this so that I can complain when I'm hungry and hold myself accountable for my intake and exercise.  I'm hoping that this accountability will force me to make this last longer than my usual week!  Oh and I'm only drinking alcohol April 28th and May 5th-don't invite me to have cocktails.  I'm on a mission...I bet my friends will start a pool to see how long this will last:)

THIS IS EXACLY WHAT I LOOK LIKE THIS WEEK...well, actually, his breasts might be bigger than mine:)

Friendship-ideas-love-small doses-respect

Many ideas grow better when transplanted into another mind, than in the one where they sprung up. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Last weekend, almost immediately after I declared that I would strive to take the high road, I failed.  I fell right flat on my face.  I opened up my big mouth and the words spilled out like vomit. As soon as I said it, I knew that I hurt one of my lovely friends.   I could tell by her deflated smile and body language that I struck a chord and she was not at all entertained by my off color jab. I didn't want to cause a scene, so I did not stop the game and apologize then. 


In my circle of friends we give each other a hard time, we make fun of each other, we laugh at each others idiosyncrasies (snorting laughs, screams of excitement at a good roll, the first day of a spray tan).  Most of my friends are used to me and do not take much (if anything) that I say to heart, but I need to be more careful when I choose my words.  Sometimes the comments are just plain uncalled for and rude.

I felt guilty about my immature, mean comment all weekend long.   The next day I sent an apology to my friend.  Reading her response to my apology grounds me and humbles me to the point of tears.  I had a pit in my stomach the rest of the weekend.  I know that she's not the only one of my friends that feels this way and I really am trying to change how I speak to others.   Like I said last week, the mean girl comments slip out more frequently than I even realize.  Even though I am joking when I say them, when I bring attention to others insecurities, I am putting them down, whether that is my intent or not. 

This week I am using her words as my mirror.  I do not like the reflection.


" Your words can be hurtful at times and it makes me wonder how you truly feel about me"


I don't want my friends to feel like I feel anything but love and friendship for them.  I admire this particular friend more than she knows for always sticking up for her friends, for not hesitating to tell me how she is feeling...for putting me in my place.  She probably thought I would dismiss her idea about my poor behavior and not feed it, but actually I thought about it all weekend.

As one of my best friends left the party she said "I can only take you in small doses."  I know she didn't mean to harm me when she made the comment, but since I was already feeling bad about my behavior this weekend, her comment reinforced my need to look in the mirror.

This weekend is not the the first time that I have failed. It's not the first time I have not liked the reflection in the mirror. A poem that I keep in my wallet to remind me to check the reflection often is in this post on temptation, defeat and the mirror  http://publiclookin.blogspot.com/2011/03/temptation-defeat-and-mirror.html 

I'm sure it will not be the last time that I fail.  I'm sure I will have to apologize again.  I'm sure that I will fall flat on my face time and time again, but I'm working on it.  My rambling today is mostly for me.  To remind me how I made my friend feel, to remind me of the guilt that I felt knowing that I hurt her, to remind me that I want and have to do better.

Listen to the ideas of others, grow them and feed them. Take a look in the mirror.  Do you like the reflection? 

Take the High Road

Proverbs 10:13-14

New International Version (NIV)

 ¹³ Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning,

   but a rod is for the back of one who has no sense.

 ¹⁴ The wise store up knowledge,

   but the mouth of a fool invites ruin.

DISCERNING: Having or showing good judgement.

Once upon a time there was a young girl that ALWAYS had an opinion. She NEVER thought before she told it.  She RARELY (if ever) took the time to see beyond what she BELIEVED to be true.  She didn't offer second chances, believed rumors to be facts, and opened her big mouth many, MANY times when it wasn't her place.  She made decisions based SOLELY on what she believed to be in her best interests, never thinking about how it impacted others. Once upon a time there was a young girl named Laura.

Honestly, even though I am working on it, this immature, bully attitude still peaks out more often than I will admit to in writing.  It takes a lot to see the best in people when it's so much easier to assume the worst. It's fairly simply to hear a rumor about someone and believe it to be fact. It's more difficult to form an unbiased opinion, rather than take the time to get to know them or try to understand their motives without even meeting them.  What does it mean to take the high road?

Or, what about the middle road?  Is there anything wrong with taking the middle road?  I mean, it's better than the low road, but it's not quite as good as the high road.  A "C" is passing, maybe we should all stick to the middle road? Is it better to do favors and nice things for the people that we know will return them, but not offer the same courtesy to the people that we know will not extend the same graciousness to us? 

If we all choose to take the middle road, who will reach for the "A"? Soon enough the middle road will become the high road and the low road will be normal.  We will come to expect less and less of each other, we will not offer second chances, we will not try to understand or empathize with each other, we will simply respond to life. We will react to situations and events with little regard to the impact it will have on our family and friends. 

I do not want to live in a society that is satisfied with the middle road.  So how do you take the high road consistently?  When it is so much easier to take the low road or even the middle road!  If everyone else is taking the shortcut, why strive to take the high road?  

I think it's a test of maturity to take the high road.  To always treat others with MORE respect, MORE compassion, MORE understanding than you expect in return.  The path might be a little more difficult, but you're much less likely to get stuck in the mud!

Lead by example. Take the high road.  Encourage your friends to get in the car with you! I'm going to keep practicing!

 Isaiah 33:15-16

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁵ Those who walk righteously

   and speak what is right,

who reject gain from extortion

   and keep their hands from accepting bribes,

who stop their ears against plots of murder

   and shut their eyes against contemplating evil—

¹⁶ they are the ones who will dwell on the heights,

   whose refuge will be the mountain fortress.

Their bread will be supplied,

   and water will not fail them.