So, I've never had a guest blogger and I'm thinking this doesn't really count anyways because the message was not prepared to be posted on a blog. The message was prepared to challenge the hearts and souls of our congregration and bring us closer to God through sharing our stories. This message was delivered last Sunday by a friend brought to me by God. I was introduced to her at a church luncheon, but had already had a few people chirping in my ears about how I was going to LOVE her well before we met in person. They were all right! Our husbands are freakishly similar. Amanda smiles on bad days, she keeps her composure when everyone would understand if she lost it, she's a person that it seems like I have known forever, but in actuality I haven't even known her for a full calendar year...I am very proud to call her my friend to say the least:) I am so very excited that I will soon get to play dress up and encourage cheerleading and hair pretties...since I am undoubtedly raising one, she might as well be too!
My Sister in Christ, Amanda; one of Keegan's few boy friends, Griffin; and Hubby Wes
When Pastor Jen first asked me to stand up here to give a message and discuss my personal reflection of faith and how I give to God, I totally thought she had the wrong person. I kept thinking….”who am I to stand up there in front of everyone and talk about faith?” First of all, I have just begun to appreciate my relationship with the Lord and am so immature in my faith journey. I cannot quote scripture and do not know the Bible well enough to speak on it with any sort of intellect. What in the world, would I talk about to an entire congregation?? I really couldn’t think of a very good reason to tell her “no, ” so, I decided I would pray about it. Pastor Jen had messaged me on a Tuesday and I took rest of the week until Sunday to give her an answer. While I was praying and pondering during the week, I was also reading the 40-day devotional “A Purpose Driven Life.” In the reading for several days that week there was a pronounced message about sharing your story and faith with others. Well….I think you get the idea…I don’t believe that was fate….I think God was definitely telling me I needed to step out of my comfort zone and up to the pulpit.
As I have mentioned previously, I am still very immature in my faith journey and my knowledge of the Bible leaves much to be desired. Throughout my life, I would have called myself a Christian. I grew up in a Methodist Church in North Baltimore , a small town southwest of here. I had an awesome experience growing up there. I enjoyed going to church, getting involved in the YF, and being around some amazing people. When I went to college, I chose a small, Christian school called Bluffton College Fremont Griffin
Listening to God and having faith is one of the biggest challenges that I face as a Christian. I am a planner and like things to go my way. It has always been hard for me to put my faith and trust in the Lord, when I know that I am giving up control. It is also hard to have faith when we don’t understand God’s plan, especially when that plan is not coinciding with MY PLAN! All through high school and college I thought for sure I would find a teaching job teaching cute little third graders and Wes and I would get married and live in North Baltimore, which was close to his job and near our families and friends. Little did I know, God had another plan for us.
During my senior year of college, I was busy doing my student teaching and Wes had just changed jobs going from working at a surveying company to the maintenance department at Bowling Green State University. We were engaged to be married and both looking forward to starting our lives together once I graduated in May. Well, one night in November, we had been talking on the phone and he was describing to me how he just didn’t feel right. He was tingly and numb in places and just felt weird. Well, at the time he was on a very physical flag football team and since he did manual labor for the university, although I was concerned, I didn’t think too much about it…I figured he just pulled or strained something. Well, over the next few days, I realized this was something much more than a strain. He lost almost complete feeling of the left side of his body and was using a cane to limp around. What in the world was going on? Finally, after much convincing he went to see a doctor. The doctor sent him to a neurologist and the neurologist ordered up an MRI. When the MRI results came back we were told it was either a brain tumor, a stroke, or multiple sclerosis. Yikes!! We were shocked…Wes was healthy….he was 22…and which one of those awful things to you hope for. How could this be happening to us? Why would God do this to a person? This was definitely NOT in my plans. After countless tests, doctor’s visits, and emotional distress, Wes was diagnosed with MS.
Even though I do not understand why this has happened to a person I love, I do realize that hard times bring growth. I am sure that many of you have similar stories....maybe it was a loved one with cancer, a paralyzing accident, or the loss of a somebody close to you much too soon. It is hard to understand and be able to have faith when you feel abandoned. It is hard to listen to God and give to God when you do not understand how He could let something so awful happen. How could this be in God’s ultimate plan? Well, God never promised that our lives on Earth would be easy or good for that matter. If life on Earth was so glamorous, we would never want to leave to get to heaven to be with Him.
Since his diagnosis, Wes has had a few relapses, walks with a limp, tires very easily, gets monthly infusions, and takes gobs of medication. For the most part though, I consider us to be blessed. We have learned to cope with the symptoms and have received wonderful support and medical care. In retrospect, I have realized that even though I still do not understand why my husband has to live with MS and its symptoms, we have to trust that God has a reason. Maybe God did this so that our relationship would be stronger or so that Wes would be able to stay home with our children. Regardless of the reasoning, I know that I cannot doubt the Lord. I have to have faith and trust that this is all part of His spiritual plan.
Despite all the issues and emotional anguish involved in Wes’s medical condition, I graduated college with a double major in Early Childhood Education and Special Education. I desperately wanted to teach in an elementary school, so I began my job search during the spring of my senior year. After interviewing at a job fair, I was offered a job at Benton Carroll Salem schools as an Intervention Specialist teaching HIGH SCHOOL. High School….now mind you, I was only 21 with my heart set on 3rd graders. What would I do with High Schoolers – they were nearly my age…I still had friends in high school? Once again, God had thrown me a curveball. This was not in my plan, but I was thrilled to at least have a job…especially since Wes was no longer able to work. I thought I would get my foot in the door, gain some experience, and maybe be able to bump into an elementary job if one opened up in the next few years. Eight years later, I LOVE my job teaching high schoolers with disabilities and cannot imagine teaching anything else. Now, I have the opportunity to give to God by helping students with special needs and He rewards me daily by allowing me to be a part of their lives and learn from their daily struggles, rejoice in their accomplishments, admire their innocence and appreciate their joy. I am completely blessed and so thankful that God’s plan was so much better than mine.
So, although I have a long way to go in my walk of faith, I will continue to give to God by loving Him and serving him in my daily life. I try to be a loving mother, supportive wife, compassionate daughter and sister, loyal friend, and caring teacher. I am trying to become more like Jesus every day as I learn to trust in Him ALWAYS and continue to grow in my spiritual maturity.
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