Do not be quick with your mouth

"Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few." Ecclesiastes 5:2

I started a post with this verse and lesson booming in my head quite some time ago, I think my family referred to me as a tornado when I was learning the lesson. As I write today, the example floating around in my head is different, but I can probably make the post more powerful if I use my feelings from my original post so I will give that example first and attempt to paint the picture of how I was feeling then. But I want everyone to remember that this verse is universal and powerful, not just when the stakes are high, but all the time. I think we can all put ourselves into a situation that this verse relates to and if you are known to be "blunt" maybe even put the verse to use daily!

My parents moved into our house at the beginning of June last year. If everyone was speaking candidly, we would have all confessed that we assumed my father would not be alive at the end of August, let alone fighting the disease until nearly November. He had multiple brain lesions and the cancer was no longer contained to the site in his lungs. The oncologist told him that there weren't any other treatment options that he could offer. Even after his decision to try gamma knife, (cutting edge technology) at the Cleveland Clinic, the outlook was bleak. The statistics illustrated that he would not be living with us for more than a couple months. Not that this played any part in our decision to offer our home to my parents, but in the back of our minds, we knew the odds. There was an end was in sight. The change was worth it no matter how long they would be residing in our house. We had plenty of room, our bathroom was handicap accessible, it really wasn't even a discussion. I said to my husband, "I think it would be best if my parents move into our house". He responded directly, lovingly and immediately, "when are they moving in?"

When people ask me how long Aaron will be on this crazy shift the most frustrating part is that I have to tell them that I don't know. If I knew that he would only have to be on this shift for a year, I think I would be a little more optimistic, but in reality it could be for a long time. It is hard to smile and say we will get used to it because I doubt we will get used to it. No matter how long he is on it! Change is hard for everyone, especially when you can't predict the future.

From the time my parents moved into our house, our life was different. Different means change, and honestly, change is difficult. We had to change many things in order to make my dad comfortable. Physical things like moving the computer, adding a ramp to the garage, moving some furniture around...that change was easy. It was the emotional changes that were difficult and demanding. Care-taking is the most demanding and challenging job I have had thus far in my life by leaps and bounds. Expectations don't get much higher than when you are caring for a person that is dying. You want the end of life to be as comfortable and rewarding as humanly possible...pretty high expectations.

We all adjusted to change. We all were doing our part to keep my dad from the deep dark places of depression. As I have stated previously, I am a planner, OCD organized. When I started this post in September I was stressed to the max with work, family, life, care-taking, etc...too many titles. In September we also signed up for Hospice, my dad was done with treatment and they told us to call whoever might want to have a visit with him into town. Over three months into our roommate situation, struggling with the daily changes caused by the disease and the fact that life doesn't ever slow down, everyone was tired. Still, my cousin from out of state and my little brother were coming home for a visit, so I planned a big family gathering.

I was running around getting the last minute things that we needed to have a nice, relaxing dinner for 20...just reading that sentence now makes me laugh. Nice, relaxing...for 20:) But that is what I expected. I have also called myself out on multiple occasions and have admitted that I am also too demanding and too expecting of both myself and others. If I am doing this, this and this, I expect everyone around me to be doing the same (or more:)). I envisioned everyone pleasantly sitting around the multiple tables in the house sharing our family memories over dinner as we have done so many times before. The memories that are embedded in each of us so deeply.

As I was rushing around yelling orders, I asked my little brother to run to the store and grab some coke and a couple other last minute items we needed to make this dinner a success. He continued to talk with my cousin and uncles and gave me a nonchalant wave, like in a minute, Laura. Probably thinking, I am in the middle of a conversation and I'll get it when I get to it (controlling freak sister)!

I went and checked on my dad, assuming my brother would complete the simple task for me. My dad was not feeling the party I had planned on his behalf. He didn't want to visit with anyone, he just wanted to be alone. Deep sigh moment. It is heart wrenching to see your father, a person that has always stressed the importance of family, so unwilling to be excited to spend time with those who love him the most. When he told me he just wanted to lay in his room, I was furious. I went to all this trouble to have his brothers, my cousins, all the kids over, for what? I was emotionally spent, devastated by his reaction to what I thought would bring such joy to his day.

As I re-entered the circus formed in the kitchen, I didn't think about how it was probably over-stimulating with all the madness or maybe he simply didn't feel well. I was just so hurt that he didn't want to spend time with us. Rather than cry or break down, I pushed the blame on my little brother because he had failed to get the soda. I stormed out of the house, passed him in a fury. (If you ask the spectators, I was probably whirling and swirling, picking up ammunition on the way to the car, as I walked the aisles at the grocery store and as I slammed down the pop when I returned.)

Jake is the exact opposite of me in almost all ways. He is carefree, fly by the seat of your pants, untroubled by most events. I doubt he even owns a planner! When I stormed back into the house he jokingly prodes me "hey sis, did you want me to go get that now?" If Tornado Laura was picking up speed before his comment, this was the last little gust that was needed to set the path for destruction. I exploded on him! He did not even know what was coming, but I vented about things that I SHOULD have talked to him about casually, when I was not angry. I expected him to step up, not just when I asked him to get soda, but now, for our family, I expected more. I still expect him to step up, but I should not have done so when I was so angry about what I viewed as his shortcomings.

Instead of waiting until I was calm to discuss my expectations rationally, I unloaded on him in front of the rest of my family. After the storm settled, I was the one that was left to pick up the pieces of the devastation that I had caused. I was the one to blame for this disaster. I prematurely judged my brother and the emotion that had been building up over the past few months caused the tornado to be quite powerful.

The next day, as the dust was settling, I started a post titled "Do not be quick with your mouth."

This week I am aware of woman drama occurring within my group of friends. I so want to join in (not log on, but have someone put in my two cents at least)! But, I'm going to learn from the verse, Tornado Laura and the MANY other times I have put my foot in my mouth and just stay neutral! If either side asks for my opinion, you bet I will still give it, but I will have thought and prayed on the correct responses and my words will be few! Trying to keep in mind that I do not know the driving forces behind others actions or what they are thinking so who am I to judge?

"Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few." Ecclesiastes 5:2