My favorite challenge question this week out of my lenten journey book was to find a "life verse/passage". A passage that you can turn to when you need to put yourself in check. I have a feeling that most of the members of my book club with probably choose a psalm or another verse on hope or love. I have this notion because as I think of all the faces I will see tonight, I think of warm, caring, nurturing people that probably don't have to ask for forgiveness very often. Since the book club memebers only see the smiling mom on Sunday mornings that calmly asks her three rambunctious children to please stop spitting on her, don't stand on the pew, stop yelling during the prayer time, take a deep breath as her coffee spills all over the floor, etc etc etc!!! I could probably state that my life verse was one of hope or love too, but since I have made the commitment to the book club to strengthen my relationship with God, I'll keep it real!
As I looked at different passages, I thought about a conversation that I had this weekend with a friends sister. I don't know the pretty, annoyingly skinny, young lady that well. On the occasions that we hang out with her, I am always cordial and pleasant to her and thought we had a mutual respect for each other. Yet, while we were sitting at the table and I was harassing her (we were playing a game and everyone was talking smack) she bluntly told me that she was not intimidated by me and to shut my mouth! She is not the first person that has referred to me as intimidating, but thought to myself, why in the world would she think of me as intimidating? She is fun, has a killer body, lots of friends...I would think most people would think SHE was intimidating! Still, quite a few people have used this word to describe me! I suppose it is better than the former word that was often associated with my name (starts with a b;))!
Since I don't really think I'm a bully or someone to be feared, the only way I can justify this description is that I must seem over-confident and that this confidence can be intimidating. I have always been a confident person. Of course I have times of self-doubt and poor self image, but as a rule, I believe in myself and my abilities. Please note that I do not think that confidence is a bad attribute, but I don't want people to fear me either! When Jess told me she was not intimidated by me, I was offended. I told her that I don't try to intimidate people, so I'm glad that she is not intimidated by me!
As I think about life passages, passages that force me to look in the mirror and reflect on the person staring back in the glass,I thought about what attributes I portray that can use some attention and work. I looked for a passage that offered a few reminders to me: humility, the importance of putting others before self, and the ultimate sacrifice that should never be forgotten. When I am feeling uber confident, I can turn to this life passage and remember to be meek and mild, not arrogant or prideful. It is because of God that I have the honors that I do, that I am blessed with what I have and it is because of Jesus and his ultimate sacrifice that I can be forgiven for the many mistakes I have made along the way! A reminder to me to be self effacing rather than self serving!
I challenge you to find your life passage if you do not have one already! This is mine!
Philippians 2:3-11 (New International Version, ©2011)
3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in very nature[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Addicted to Facebook
During the lent season many Christians make sacrifices that they normally would not make. Some of the offerings my friends have decided on include: no pop, to quit biting their nails, no sweets, no fast food, no shopping, dedicated time each day/week to the Bible and probably my favorite is the conscious decision to pay it forward! Nan, Amy and Marci have all decided to pay it forward. I am fairly certain that those that have decided to pay it forward will obtain a greater reward than the people that they pay it forward to because it is so easy to feel God's presence when you lend a helping hand. I hope the other offerings that don't offer instant gratification will be equally rewarding at the end of the lent season as well. I hope it brings each of those who made a commitment to resist, dedicate time or pay it forward closer in their relationship with God.
Personally, I thought very hard on what I should sacrifice. With the sense of renewed faith that I feel, I wanted to do something that would be difficult for me. I log into facebook all day long! ALL DAY! And then once I put the kids to bed I log on AGAIN! It's crazy! After Easter I am going to commit to only logging on once a day and limit the time to 15-30 minutes and only 30 minutes if I am purposefully responding to an email. If I can't keep it to that, I'm just being nosey! I honestly do try to post positive things and it is a great tool to keep in contact with your friends and family, but to spend so much time on "social networking" is really just a waste of time. I have many things I should be doing rather than snooping on facebook!
The part that is bolded is what I WOULD have posted on Facebook!
Day 1: It has not even been 24 hours and it is driving me CRAZY to not have checked my facebook account!! It helps knowing that people can't comment on my page (even though I know they are commenting on each others pages about me because I did a test run this weekend and a few of my friends are loving the fact that I can't read what they write;)!) This is going to be a very long Lent season. In past years I have given up pop, caffeine, fast food, and I can't remember the rest...this is going to be MUCH more difficult!
Day 2: My will be done or Thy will be done...think about which statement is true in your life. Had a LOVELY time at the new book club I joined for lent! I would even venture to say that because of this devotional time I will not miss facebook while I'm at home...at work, different story! Collect treasures of secrets with God, not worldly treasures that you can't take with you to heaven. Be repentant for your sins. I hope my lack of Biblical knowledge isn't too obvious to some of the elders in our church, but I am there to learn, and I think this is a great group to learn from. It is a small group full of faces that I remember from childhood, the pure honest faces that you never forget (one of the ladies reminds me of my Aunt Con):)"All real healing is painful, full of relinquishment and loss. Only death can give life; only darkness light." Thomas R. Steagald Pastor Jen is giving up worry amongst other sacrifices...I think this is a great one!! I am not a worrier, so it wouldn't be a sacrifice for me, but wish I could log on to fb to tell a couple of my friends to give it up!! Can't wait to see The Color Purple with my Mom tonight!
Day 3: The Color Purple was AMAZING! The singers were great, the company was the best and I left feeling determined. I love music. I love to listen, watch people perform and sing at the top of my lungs! Even though Aaron only had a few hours of sleep in 36 hours he stayed up to see me. I asked him what he was doing awake and he said he was just missing me...I hate the off shift weeks...5 days off to reconnect with my husband:) Get to see the Lowry's for one of our last visits before they move to TX:( Not missing fb yet! No smokes yet either...Saturday will be the first test! Oh, but I did have to watch the news like the olden days to see if school was delayed! Normally I would know from fb, but today I didn't want to wake Aaron up and actually watched the schools scroll on the bottom of the television!! Praying for the victims of the tsunami...yet another reminder to live like there is no tomorrow!
Day 4: So excited to play bunco with Ron, my lover, and many of my bestest friends tonight:) And meet some more of Christina's wild and crazy family:) And go to Jo's for some Karaoke of course!!
Day 5: So much fun at Thatchers. Except everyone was having conversations about things I would know if I had been on fb...it is my source for news!! Everyone was very quick to point out that I would know what was going on if I did not give up facebook! So much fun that Aaron let me sleep in (all the way until 9)...then we had to rush around to prepare for the visitors:) Family time with Aaron's cousins all day! Zims and company were great!
Day 6: It is getting much easier to resist the temptation to log on to fb!...my computer history doesn't automatically go to facebook when I type in www. so that's a good sign:) And I am also happy to report that I did not have any cigarette's this weekend after multiple drinks:) No actual posts today-talked with Christie about people's dumb posts...this would be a dumb post:) So happy that Pastor Jen remembered to email me her sermon and the video that she and Grant put together...so happy I decided to cross back across the street to the Methodist Church.
Day 7: The Lenten Journey with Jesus book that I'm reading is keeping me occupied at home during my free time. Not missing facebook at all at home. Still missing the distraction at work. I have received a few emails from facebook spies to pass my day:)PS: DSW has some great boots on clearance:) WYO REVERSE RAFFLE TICKETS FOR SALE...$40/ticket admits two for pop, beer, food, FUN April 16, 2011 Legion Hall
Personally, I thought very hard on what I should sacrifice. With the sense of renewed faith that I feel, I wanted to do something that would be difficult for me. I log into facebook all day long! ALL DAY! And then once I put the kids to bed I log on AGAIN! It's crazy! After Easter I am going to commit to only logging on once a day and limit the time to 15-30 minutes and only 30 minutes if I am purposefully responding to an email. If I can't keep it to that, I'm just being nosey! I honestly do try to post positive things and it is a great tool to keep in contact with your friends and family, but to spend so much time on "social networking" is really just a waste of time. I have many things I should be doing rather than snooping on facebook!
The part that is bolded is what I WOULD have posted on Facebook!
Day 1: It has not even been 24 hours and it is driving me CRAZY to not have checked my facebook account!! It helps knowing that people can't comment on my page (even though I know they are commenting on each others pages about me because I did a test run this weekend and a few of my friends are loving the fact that I can't read what they write;)!) This is going to be a very long Lent season. In past years I have given up pop, caffeine, fast food, and I can't remember the rest...this is going to be MUCH more difficult!
Day 2: My will be done or Thy will be done...think about which statement is true in your life. Had a LOVELY time at the new book club I joined for lent! I would even venture to say that because of this devotional time I will not miss facebook while I'm at home...at work, different story! Collect treasures of secrets with God, not worldly treasures that you can't take with you to heaven. Be repentant for your sins. I hope my lack of Biblical knowledge isn't too obvious to some of the elders in our church, but I am there to learn, and I think this is a great group to learn from. It is a small group full of faces that I remember from childhood, the pure honest faces that you never forget (one of the ladies reminds me of my Aunt Con):)"All real healing is painful, full of relinquishment and loss. Only death can give life; only darkness light." Thomas R. Steagald Pastor Jen is giving up worry amongst other sacrifices...I think this is a great one!! I am not a worrier, so it wouldn't be a sacrifice for me, but wish I could log on to fb to tell a couple of my friends to give it up!! Can't wait to see The Color Purple with my Mom tonight!
Day 3: The Color Purple was AMAZING! The singers were great, the company was the best and I left feeling determined. I love music. I love to listen, watch people perform and sing at the top of my lungs! Even though Aaron only had a few hours of sleep in 36 hours he stayed up to see me. I asked him what he was doing awake and he said he was just missing me...I hate the off shift weeks...5 days off to reconnect with my husband:) Get to see the Lowry's for one of our last visits before they move to TX:( Not missing fb yet! No smokes yet either...Saturday will be the first test! Oh, but I did have to watch the news like the olden days to see if school was delayed! Normally I would know from fb, but today I didn't want to wake Aaron up and actually watched the schools scroll on the bottom of the television!! Praying for the victims of the tsunami...yet another reminder to live like there is no tomorrow!
Day 4: So excited to play bunco with Ron, my lover, and many of my bestest friends tonight:) And meet some more of Christina's wild and crazy family:) And go to Jo's for some Karaoke of course!!
Day 5: So much fun at Thatchers. Except everyone was having conversations about things I would know if I had been on fb...it is my source for news!! Everyone was very quick to point out that I would know what was going on if I did not give up facebook! So much fun that Aaron let me sleep in (all the way until 9)...then we had to rush around to prepare for the visitors:) Family time with Aaron's cousins all day! Zims and company were great!
Day 6: It is getting much easier to resist the temptation to log on to fb!...my computer history doesn't automatically go to facebook when I type in www. so that's a good sign:) And I am also happy to report that I did not have any cigarette's this weekend after multiple drinks:) No actual posts today-talked with Christie about people's dumb posts...this would be a dumb post:) So happy that Pastor Jen remembered to email me her sermon and the video that she and Grant put together...so happy I decided to cross back across the street to the Methodist Church.
Day 7: The Lenten Journey with Jesus book that I'm reading is keeping me occupied at home during my free time. Not missing facebook at all at home. Still missing the distraction at work. I have received a few emails from facebook spies to pass my day:)PS: DSW has some great boots on clearance:) WYO REVERSE RAFFLE TICKETS FOR SALE...$40/ticket admits two for pop, beer, food, FUN April 16, 2011 Legion Hall
Monday, March 14, 2011
Kids...what's the matter with kids today?
I used to hate it when my mom sang that song!
Generally, I think I do a good job raising my children...GENERALLY! I have taught them to use please and thank you. I have taught them to share, be nice to others, pray, etc. My children have also picked up on things (mostly my attitude) that I could do without. They (Lilly especially) talk to Aaron using sarcasm when they should not, but they have watched me do it and consequently, they think it's alright. When they're tired they act like monsters and sometimes they fight, they are certainly not perfect.
This weekend we were in line behind an elderly woman at the grocery store. The cashier rang her out and I asked Lilly to help me carry her bags out to her car. She said no! I don't want to Mommy! She shied away when I extended my arm with a couple of light bags for her to hold. My precious little girl did not want to help this lady. I gave her the "you better do this now or you will not attend the party you think you're going to this afternoon" look and she reluctantly grabbed the bags. I wanted to grab her by the ear and make her carry every single bag to the ladies car! I was furious.
I am a service oriented person, I give of my time and services whenever possible. Why does my six year old pick up on my attitude and other attributes that I could do without so easily, but tell me no when I ask her to help an elderly woman? In Lilly's defense we had just spent an hour with another elderly lady in the community and she was polite, well spoken and fully engaged in the conversation the entire visit. Still, I could not wait to get my dear, sweet child in the car so that I could discuss her poor attitude.
Angrily, I asked her why she did not want to help the lady? I don't know her mom! She's a stranger. Ughhhhh...I was so mad at my daughter when she told me no! So mad. After I calmed down and listened to her reasoning I could understand her hesitation and why she was uncomfortable with my simple request. I explained that it is alright to help and talk to strangers when Mommy or Daddy asks her to talk to them. I explained that it would be very difficult for the elderly lady to make multiple trips out to her car to load her groceries and that we were there and more able to load the groceries for her. That it is always a good thing to help people in need, even if they are strangers.
After reflection, I can't help but to think about how sad it is that we have to teach our children not to talk to strangers. We have them so frightened because of all the possible bad outcomes if they do talk to strangers, that she didn't want to help me carry out groceries for a sweet old lady. I guess they can't be like we were (perfect in every way) because of the times we live in! Dangerous people are around every corner, so I'm certainly not going to give her the green light to talk to strangers, but hopefully she will be caring enough the next time I ask her to help carry the groceries...and to do it with a smile on her pretty little face. I suppose nothing is wrong with kids today, just the world we live in! Before instantly being infuriated with my childrens reactions to my requests, I should probably take the time to ask them why!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
My will or Thy Will
Dear God - I surrender my life to you. Help me to change my will to Thy will.
Just as your Son Jesus was tempted for a 40 day period; just as Moses had two 40 day experiences on the mountain; just as Elijah fasted during a 40 day journey to hear You; just as You opened the windows of heaven and cleansed the earth during a 40 day rain, and as Jesus appeared during a 40 day span after His resurrection, I consecrate my life before You these 40 days for my change and victory over the seven deadly sins.
I ask for and expect to be a new person after this 40 day consecration. I ask for and expect that during these 40 days within my life, mind, and spirit, opposition, resistance, and challenge will come; but I will win, because I know that greater is He who is within me than he who is in the world.
I will overcome every temptation, opposition, doubt, resistance, challenge, and bad habit. With your help Dear God, I will succeed.
This is a lent prayer I found online that you are supposed to recite each day of lent! Having trouble with doubt today. Old perceptions die hard.
Not ready for some of the theology and meanings offered in the Bible yet, but thought this website was interesting. My favorite numbers since I was young have always been 12 and 7. Aaron's number is 9-the number of finality...weird to look at the meanings of numbers in the Bible. Numbers find me. Lilly's Birthday is on the same date as Aaron's great-grandma (she's 101 now!), she was born at 1:17 in room 711 in 11/17. I see numbers everywhere!
Biblical Numbers at work
3-11-11 Titus 2:1-15 and Maryellen's reflection was very influential today. I liked 3-5 the best. I wonder if Mrs. Hensch would still consider me irreverent? I try not to speak of others in a slanderous tone, but do like beer...hmmm. Maybe next year I will give up beer for lent!
3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
Just as your Son Jesus was tempted for a 40 day period; just as Moses had two 40 day experiences on the mountain; just as Elijah fasted during a 40 day journey to hear You; just as You opened the windows of heaven and cleansed the earth during a 40 day rain, and as Jesus appeared during a 40 day span after His resurrection, I consecrate my life before You these 40 days for my change and victory over the seven deadly sins.
I ask for and expect to be a new person after this 40 day consecration. I ask for and expect that during these 40 days within my life, mind, and spirit, opposition, resistance, and challenge will come; but I will win, because I know that greater is He who is within me than he who is in the world.
I will overcome every temptation, opposition, doubt, resistance, challenge, and bad habit. With your help Dear God, I will succeed.
This is a lent prayer I found online that you are supposed to recite each day of lent! Having trouble with doubt today. Old perceptions die hard.
Not ready for some of the theology and meanings offered in the Bible yet, but thought this website was interesting. My favorite numbers since I was young have always been 12 and 7. Aaron's number is 9-the number of finality...weird to look at the meanings of numbers in the Bible. Numbers find me. Lilly's Birthday is on the same date as Aaron's great-grandma (she's 101 now!), she was born at 1:17 in room 711 in 11/17. I see numbers everywhere!
Biblical Numbers at work
3-11-11 Titus 2:1-15 and Maryellen's reflection was very influential today. I liked 3-5 the best. I wonder if Mrs. Hensch would still consider me irreverent? I try not to speak of others in a slanderous tone, but do like beer...hmmm. Maybe next year I will give up beer for lent!
3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Unthought Unknown
"There are things that you know, and they're in us, but we just haven't thought of them. But they're there, and we base decisions on them.” Eddie Vedder
When you stop to look and find the beauty in life, often you will find things that you knew to be true, but tried so hard not to believe, are. To discover all the unthought unknowns that are so much a part of each and every one of us, you have to take a step back from the crazy, busy world we live in. A step back from the planners filled with fun events, parties and obligations.
An example of unknown unthought could be if you're part of a book club. You all read the same book as the others in the group and have your own interpretations, but then as you come together as a group and express your thoughts on the book, lessons that really grabbed you, you often get an even deeper meaning. An unthought unknown interpretation of the book that was deep in your mind, but you didn't think about it until you connected with the others and started to discuss it. Until you used the others in your book club to connect the dots. If you would not have read the book at that time in your life, with the book group, those exact people, and shared your interpretation of the book, you would have never tied your life experiences together.
An unthought unknown for me was to feel God's love. Actually feel the warmth that He provides when you let Him into your heart.
I have always believed in God, always believed that Jesus died for our sins, but it wasn't until recently that I actually felt His love. The first time that I allowed myself to feel Him surround me with love. This feeling is addicting. I have heard people refer to this as "God is holding their hand" in times of need, or that He is "walking beside you or with you". My favorite stamp in my stamp collection that is currently collecting dust is "When you can't trust His hand, you can trust His heart"...yet another way to put it. I have used this stamp over and over again in the last seven years (I bought it when I was making wedding invitations) but have used it time and time again, for all different occasions.
Some people don't believe in fate or predetermined destiny, but if one believes that everything happens for a reason, doesn't one really believe in these things? If you truly believe in God; have faith, hope and love for the One above, don't you in turn believe in this predetermined destiny or fate? That God puts you in places and situations, at the exact time in your life, in order to best serve Him?
In order to survive in life, I have decided, made a conscious decision, to place all of my faith in God; believe that He puts me in places and situations, at the exact time, exact place to better serve Him. While I have a strong belief that He has a "master plan", I also understand that we make our own choices. That we make them with these unthought unknown thoughts factored in. That often we make choices that sometimes require forgiveness, but that He forgives us because we are His children.
Please make sure that you are strong enough when you decide to face whatever obstacle you are wanting to tackle before you attempt the feat. Often our mind protects us from things we are not ready to discover. The unthought unknowns that are there, but we are not yet ready to face. For example when I went to the funeral home for the first time, my mind didn't allow me to feel, well really anything. I was just there existing, a shell of me.
Recently, I have talked to a few of my best friends because I felt close to sinking and my brain is deep. I didn't know if I was ready or able to face the irony or cold, hard truth that is so often found in life. I didn't know if I would be able to get myself back out if I sunk and let my brain go to the widest and the deepest places, to the unknown unthought territory. I told her how I had been feeling and she told me she had no idea. I had put the wall up so many times, that she had no idea that I was struggling. After reflection, I was able to communicate all the ideas, crazy ironic circumstances, things I knew in my heart and form actual thoughts. Thoughts that will serve as my truth in order to survive...I was able to gain some perspective.
Tonight, as I reflect, I feel happy.
Peaceful.
Grateful.
Fulfilled.
Thankful.
Thankful because I discovered that I am strong enough to face the unthought unknowns. Thankful because I find comfort and purpose in the belief that God puts us in places and circumstances to best serve Him. Because of this, I know that I will not drown. Grateful to have reconnected with old friends like Amanda, Lindsay Sarah and others that I needed at this exact moment in time. Fulfilled and finding comfort in the fact that even though I didn't know it when I reached out to them, that I needed them. When I reached out to them, I thought they needed me. The unthought unknown is that we needed each other. Peaceful because, all's well that ends well. Happy because He knew that I could jump and one of two things would happen, He would catch me or I would learn to fly. He caught me, swooped me up into His loving arms...and I'm alright!
To a couple of my dearest friends that were worried for me, I am feeling strong and certain. (I know you were doubting me;))!
Think about the people in your life, connect the dots, think of the many reasons that He has trusted you with each and every person that He brings you in contact with. Think about what you are giving! Maybe they needed you. Maybe you needed them. The truth is, the unthought unknown is, that most likely you needed each other! Everyone has dreams, most of us even dream while we're awake. Our dreams usually include our happiness, keeping the ones we love safe and happy and making the future better for our children. The sooner we all acknowledge that this is a shared dream among most of our peers, the sooner we will have no rivals.
Love the crazy ironies God wants us to see. Take a deep breath and swallow whole the negatives, digest them, learn from them, add your spin. Embrace the shared dreams and choose the right path! The one cut by the moon for you to walk on! Feel His love.
Unthought unknown.
I love PJ!
All the thoughts you never see
You are always thinking
Brain is wide, the brain is deep
Oh, are you sinking?
Feel the path of every day
Which road you taking?
Breathing hard, making hay
Yeah, this is living
Look for love in evidence
That you're worth keeping
Swallowed whole in negatives
It's so sad and sickening
Feel the air up above
Oh, pool of blue sky
Fill the air up with love
All black with starlight
Feel the sky blanket you
With gems and rhinestones!
See the path cut by the moon
For you to walk on
For you to walk on...
Nothing left, nothing left
Nothing there, nothing here...
Nothing left, nothing left
Nothing there, nothing left...
Nothing left, nothing left
Nothing there, nothing here...
See the path cut by the moon
For you to walk on
See the waves on distant shores
Awaiting your arrival
Dream the dreams of other men
You'll be no one's rival
Dream the dreams of others then
You will be no one's rival
You will be no one's rival...
A distant time, a distant space
That's where we're living
A distant time, a distant place
So what ya giving?
What ya giving?
When you stop to look and find the beauty in life, often you will find things that you knew to be true, but tried so hard not to believe, are. To discover all the unthought unknowns that are so much a part of each and every one of us, you have to take a step back from the crazy, busy world we live in. A step back from the planners filled with fun events, parties and obligations.
An example of unknown unthought could be if you're part of a book club. You all read the same book as the others in the group and have your own interpretations, but then as you come together as a group and express your thoughts on the book, lessons that really grabbed you, you often get an even deeper meaning. An unthought unknown interpretation of the book that was deep in your mind, but you didn't think about it until you connected with the others and started to discuss it. Until you used the others in your book club to connect the dots. If you would not have read the book at that time in your life, with the book group, those exact people, and shared your interpretation of the book, you would have never tied your life experiences together.
An unthought unknown for me was to feel God's love. Actually feel the warmth that He provides when you let Him into your heart.
I have always believed in God, always believed that Jesus died for our sins, but it wasn't until recently that I actually felt His love. The first time that I allowed myself to feel Him surround me with love. This feeling is addicting. I have heard people refer to this as "God is holding their hand" in times of need, or that He is "walking beside you or with you". My favorite stamp in my stamp collection that is currently collecting dust is "When you can't trust His hand, you can trust His heart"...yet another way to put it. I have used this stamp over and over again in the last seven years (I bought it when I was making wedding invitations) but have used it time and time again, for all different occasions.
Some people don't believe in fate or predetermined destiny, but if one believes that everything happens for a reason, doesn't one really believe in these things? If you truly believe in God; have faith, hope and love for the One above, don't you in turn believe in this predetermined destiny or fate? That God puts you in places and situations, at the exact time in your life, in order to best serve Him?
In order to survive in life, I have decided, made a conscious decision, to place all of my faith in God; believe that He puts me in places and situations, at the exact time, exact place to better serve Him. While I have a strong belief that He has a "master plan", I also understand that we make our own choices. That we make them with these unthought unknown thoughts factored in. That often we make choices that sometimes require forgiveness, but that He forgives us because we are His children.
Please make sure that you are strong enough when you decide to face whatever obstacle you are wanting to tackle before you attempt the feat. Often our mind protects us from things we are not ready to discover. The unthought unknowns that are there, but we are not yet ready to face. For example when I went to the funeral home for the first time, my mind didn't allow me to feel, well really anything. I was just there existing, a shell of me.
Recently, I have talked to a few of my best friends because I felt close to sinking and my brain is deep. I didn't know if I was ready or able to face the irony or cold, hard truth that is so often found in life. I didn't know if I would be able to get myself back out if I sunk and let my brain go to the widest and the deepest places, to the unknown unthought territory. I told her how I had been feeling and she told me she had no idea. I had put the wall up so many times, that she had no idea that I was struggling. After reflection, I was able to communicate all the ideas, crazy ironic circumstances, things I knew in my heart and form actual thoughts. Thoughts that will serve as my truth in order to survive...I was able to gain some perspective.
Tonight, as I reflect, I feel happy.
Peaceful.
Grateful.
Fulfilled.
Thankful.
Thankful because I discovered that I am strong enough to face the unthought unknowns. Thankful because I find comfort and purpose in the belief that God puts us in places and circumstances to best serve Him. Because of this, I know that I will not drown. Grateful to have reconnected with old friends like Amanda, Lindsay Sarah and others that I needed at this exact moment in time. Fulfilled and finding comfort in the fact that even though I didn't know it when I reached out to them, that I needed them. When I reached out to them, I thought they needed me. The unthought unknown is that we needed each other. Peaceful because, all's well that ends well. Happy because He knew that I could jump and one of two things would happen, He would catch me or I would learn to fly. He caught me, swooped me up into His loving arms...and I'm alright!
To a couple of my dearest friends that were worried for me, I am feeling strong and certain. (I know you were doubting me;))!
Think about the people in your life, connect the dots, think of the many reasons that He has trusted you with each and every person that He brings you in contact with. Think about what you are giving! Maybe they needed you. Maybe you needed them. The truth is, the unthought unknown is, that most likely you needed each other! Everyone has dreams, most of us even dream while we're awake. Our dreams usually include our happiness, keeping the ones we love safe and happy and making the future better for our children. The sooner we all acknowledge that this is a shared dream among most of our peers, the sooner we will have no rivals.
Love the crazy ironies God wants us to see. Take a deep breath and swallow whole the negatives, digest them, learn from them, add your spin. Embrace the shared dreams and choose the right path! The one cut by the moon for you to walk on! Feel His love.
Unthought unknown.
I love PJ!
All the thoughts you never see
You are always thinking
Brain is wide, the brain is deep
Oh, are you sinking?
Feel the path of every day
Which road you taking?
Breathing hard, making hay
Yeah, this is living
Look for love in evidence
That you're worth keeping
Swallowed whole in negatives
It's so sad and sickening
Feel the air up above
Oh, pool of blue sky
Fill the air up with love
All black with starlight
Feel the sky blanket you
With gems and rhinestones!
See the path cut by the moon
For you to walk on
For you to walk on...
Nothing left, nothing left
Nothing there, nothing here...
Nothing left, nothing left
Nothing there, nothing left...
Nothing left, nothing left
Nothing there, nothing here...
See the path cut by the moon
For you to walk on
See the waves on distant shores
Awaiting your arrival
Dream the dreams of other men
You'll be no one's rival
Dream the dreams of others then
You will be no one's rival
You will be no one's rival...
A distant time, a distant space
That's where we're living
A distant time, a distant place
So what ya giving?
What ya giving?
Monday, February 28, 2011
Bitter Post
"All I need to write is a bitter song, to make me better." Butterfly Boucher
When you're in a sad mood do you immediately turn to your collection of depressing songs and play them over and over again? I do!! Somehow listening to the sad songs eventually makes me feel better. At the Sarah concert, before she started singing one of her many depressing songs, she said that when she writes the sad songs it gives her this same release. The more devastating and heart wrenching the song is, the better she feels when she's done writing or singing it.
Normally my scribblings start out much darker (some would probably say scary) than they appear after they have been edited and posted here. You know, resemble more of the loud mouth, no filter, ME that you all know and love;) Before I get to the "spin" on the facts or the perception of beautiful life that you read, it is often WHY?, THIS SUCKS!, NOT FAIR!!
Today I'm going to attempt to explain the steps that I take that help me to put the "spin" that you read on here. How I work through the dark feelings and get back to loving life. The first thing that I think everyone needs to find is an outlet. Whether it is writing, listening to music, reading a book, working out, making crafts-just find something that you like to do. The time should be something that gives you time in your head or time with a couple of close friends that you can use as a sounding board. Take time to think about life and the circumstances that have led up to the point that you are at. When you are thinking "this isn't fair", be mad about it. When you think things can't possibly get any worse, be angry (but know that they probably can and usually when you think they can't, they do).
It is normal to cry and heaven forbid not smile every second of the day. It's ok to be upset! I understand that it is easier to simply put on your happy face and pretend that life is sunshine and rainbows, but everyone knows that is simply not how life works. You might even be surprised who will step up to the plate and hit the most homeruns in the listening friend homerun derby! You will never know if you are too afraid to expose yourself.
I will be the first to admit how much easier it is to put up the wall and hide behind the smiles, but then you never have a release of emotions. If you force the smile over and over again, the emotions stay buried and the more things you pile on top of them the harder it is to deal with them when you're finally ready to face them. If you just keep piling and piling, you're going to have to dig and dig even further, through more crap, when you eventually think you're ready to deal with whatever you buried in the first place.
Even worse than when you think you're ready to deal with the emotions, are the times when you don't want or plan to dig and something triggers the emotions when you aren't ready for them. This could be a tornado whistle; passing someone that wore the same cologne as someone special to you; hearing a song that brings you not just back to a memory, but so far back to a specific place that it feels like you are there; a friend going through a similar situation that brings up raw feelings that you didn't expect. Sometimes it is something as little as opening the mailbox to a letter that is addressed to a loved one that has passed away. No matter what the trigger is, it brings this flood of emotion and your head starts to spin. Instead of dealing with the sad or angry emotions as they come one by one, now a simple trigger has the possibility to start a tsunami. So, while burying the bad feelings can seem like the best solution at the time, it is often the recipe for disaster!
Since I'm not able to build a time machine and I can't go back and deal with some of the emotions that I have buried, I will just hope and pray that nothing triggers a tsunami while I'm chipping away at the bricks. Knowing that from here on out, I can do it differently makes me feel a little relief. It must be because I'm almost 30! (I am so going out of town for the entire month of September since I have made it a point to rub it in to each and every one of my friends that have already hit the milestone!) From here on out I can deal with the thoughts and emotions as they come or as soon as I have time to sort through them. If nothing else I can stop putting the thoughts on the top shelf, thinking maybe eventually they will take care of themselves (they don't).
Cry about the events or circumstances, be mad about them, don't tell Pastor Jen, but yell at God if you have to(she told me He can handle it;))! Tell a friend that you're upset. Be specific in your needs to your friend. If you just want someone to sit with you, tell them. If instead you want them to listen and shut the hell up, tell them! If you want them to hold your hand while you cry, pick the friend you feel most comfortable with and tell them!!
Then, when you have been mad about whatever it is that is making you angry long enough, hopefully you will feel comfortable with the circumstances. At peace with the events that have taken place, often leaving us feeling less than whole. Once you reach this point, you are at the point where you can put the "spin" on it!
When you look back at nearly any situation you can almost always find something good that you learned about yourself or your loved ones. You might have to look really, really hard! It might be that you didn't know that you were as strong as you are. Or that you didn't think you could handle as many titles as suddenly described you.
Maybe the lesson will come to you as you hear the wind whipping outside of your window, as you read a book or see the carefree smile of a child, but you have to keep your eyes open for the signs. You can't just remain in the "poor me" phase forever. Often life isn't sunshine and rainbows, but eventually you have to look beyond how bad you are feeling at any given time and find the silver lining. Find that sign that tells you that things are going to be alright.
For me it's writing bitter posts. The more bitter the better! Then after a few days, sometimes weeks, putting the spin on them to help me to release the bad emotion that tries so hard to creep in. Usually creeping in when you least expect it! Cry, be angry, find your release, look for the beautiful irony and put your spin on it!
"All real healing is painful, full of relinquishment and loss. Only death can give life; only darkness light." Thomas R. Steagald
When you're in a sad mood do you immediately turn to your collection of depressing songs and play them over and over again? I do!! Somehow listening to the sad songs eventually makes me feel better. At the Sarah concert, before she started singing one of her many depressing songs, she said that when she writes the sad songs it gives her this same release. The more devastating and heart wrenching the song is, the better she feels when she's done writing or singing it.
Normally my scribblings start out much darker (some would probably say scary) than they appear after they have been edited and posted here. You know, resemble more of the loud mouth, no filter, ME that you all know and love;) Before I get to the "spin" on the facts or the perception of beautiful life that you read, it is often WHY?, THIS SUCKS!, NOT FAIR!!
Today I'm going to attempt to explain the steps that I take that help me to put the "spin" that you read on here. How I work through the dark feelings and get back to loving life. The first thing that I think everyone needs to find is an outlet. Whether it is writing, listening to music, reading a book, working out, making crafts-just find something that you like to do. The time should be something that gives you time in your head or time with a couple of close friends that you can use as a sounding board. Take time to think about life and the circumstances that have led up to the point that you are at. When you are thinking "this isn't fair", be mad about it. When you think things can't possibly get any worse, be angry (but know that they probably can and usually when you think they can't, they do).
It is normal to cry and heaven forbid not smile every second of the day. It's ok to be upset! I understand that it is easier to simply put on your happy face and pretend that life is sunshine and rainbows, but everyone knows that is simply not how life works. You might even be surprised who will step up to the plate and hit the most homeruns in the listening friend homerun derby! You will never know if you are too afraid to expose yourself.
I will be the first to admit how much easier it is to put up the wall and hide behind the smiles, but then you never have a release of emotions. If you force the smile over and over again, the emotions stay buried and the more things you pile on top of them the harder it is to deal with them when you're finally ready to face them. If you just keep piling and piling, you're going to have to dig and dig even further, through more crap, when you eventually think you're ready to deal with whatever you buried in the first place.
Even worse than when you think you're ready to deal with the emotions, are the times when you don't want or plan to dig and something triggers the emotions when you aren't ready for them. This could be a tornado whistle; passing someone that wore the same cologne as someone special to you; hearing a song that brings you not just back to a memory, but so far back to a specific place that it feels like you are there; a friend going through a similar situation that brings up raw feelings that you didn't expect. Sometimes it is something as little as opening the mailbox to a letter that is addressed to a loved one that has passed away. No matter what the trigger is, it brings this flood of emotion and your head starts to spin. Instead of dealing with the sad or angry emotions as they come one by one, now a simple trigger has the possibility to start a tsunami. So, while burying the bad feelings can seem like the best solution at the time, it is often the recipe for disaster!
Since I'm not able to build a time machine and I can't go back and deal with some of the emotions that I have buried, I will just hope and pray that nothing triggers a tsunami while I'm chipping away at the bricks. Knowing that from here on out, I can do it differently makes me feel a little relief. It must be because I'm almost 30! (I am so going out of town for the entire month of September since I have made it a point to rub it in to each and every one of my friends that have already hit the milestone!) From here on out I can deal with the thoughts and emotions as they come or as soon as I have time to sort through them. If nothing else I can stop putting the thoughts on the top shelf, thinking maybe eventually they will take care of themselves (they don't).
Cry about the events or circumstances, be mad about them, don't tell Pastor Jen, but yell at God if you have to(she told me He can handle it;))! Tell a friend that you're upset. Be specific in your needs to your friend. If you just want someone to sit with you, tell them. If instead you want them to listen and shut the hell up, tell them! If you want them to hold your hand while you cry, pick the friend you feel most comfortable with and tell them!!
Then, when you have been mad about whatever it is that is making you angry long enough, hopefully you will feel comfortable with the circumstances. At peace with the events that have taken place, often leaving us feeling less than whole. Once you reach this point, you are at the point where you can put the "spin" on it!
When you look back at nearly any situation you can almost always find something good that you learned about yourself or your loved ones. You might have to look really, really hard! It might be that you didn't know that you were as strong as you are. Or that you didn't think you could handle as many titles as suddenly described you.
Maybe the lesson will come to you as you hear the wind whipping outside of your window, as you read a book or see the carefree smile of a child, but you have to keep your eyes open for the signs. You can't just remain in the "poor me" phase forever. Often life isn't sunshine and rainbows, but eventually you have to look beyond how bad you are feeling at any given time and find the silver lining. Find that sign that tells you that things are going to be alright.
For me it's writing bitter posts. The more bitter the better! Then after a few days, sometimes weeks, putting the spin on them to help me to release the bad emotion that tries so hard to creep in. Usually creeping in when you least expect it! Cry, be angry, find your release, look for the beautiful irony and put your spin on it!
"All real healing is painful, full of relinquishment and loss. Only death can give life; only darkness light." Thomas R. Steagald
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Faith Hope and Love
1 Corinthians 13
1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Times 3 Times 10
When you can't trust His hand, you can trust His heart.
1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Times 3 Times 10
When you can't trust His hand, you can trust His heart.
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