The Clinic

Friday morning after my mini nervous break down, we made our way to the Cleveland Clinic.  My brother and both sister in laws work at this crazy place, but I have never visited.  Jake handled the appointments when our Dad went there since I went to most of them here.   They have told me how big the place is many times, but I didn't grasp it until we passed block after block of the clinic entrances. 

We parked and walked the long hall, hand in hand.  The music was TERRIBLE.  It sounded like we were in the funeral home.  I wanted to throw up and I know that the hand in each of my hands was trying not to tremble, but all three of us were a train wreck on the inside.  More than once we received comments from complete strangers like:  "You guys are adorable" or "This is a picture moment if I've ever seen one".  We smiled and graciously nodded, but I did NOT feel like this was a picture moment.  At all!  I was still pretty confident that my body was full of freaking cancer, it was 8am, I did not have any coffee and they were playing funeral music!  Not in the mood to smile at strangers!

But we held hands and I felt like I could breathe a little easier.  I am completely aware that I have an army behind me, I needed to get it together and believe!  Check in:

Yet, when they asked me to come with them alone, that's exactly what I felt: ALONE.  Undress and put on this (freaking) gown.  You know the drill, nothing from the waist up and then join the rest of the frightened women in the waiting room.  Even though you recently had a mammogram, they will probably want you to do another one.

My lymph nodes are still very tender and the thought of another squish just about made me vomit, but sure enough the nice nurse retrieved me for a few more images. As we walked into the room I told her that it had only been a week since my biopsy and I'm still very tender...when a couple tears snuck out, I could tell that she could feel my pain and I was able to stop them for her sake.

Next I went to another waiting room to wait for them to retrieve me for my next adventure...ALONE.   Alone with my thoughts of the petscan results.  My heart racing and my head a mess, it took everything in me to keep it together.  When she finally asked if I wanted her to get Heidi, she couldn't move fast enough.  Men aren't allowed in this area since all of the women are wearing awesome gowns, so I was so glad I said yes when she asked if she could join us!

Heid sat down and I lost it.  WHAT IF, Heid?  What if?  What happens then?

Luckily, Heidi is the most (annoyingly) positive person ever.  She reassured me and cried with me and told me that even if "what if" happened that we were going to fight.

FINALLY, after what seemed like forever, they took us to meet with the surgeon.  The CHIEF of breast surgery at the Cleveland Clinic, doctor of the year in Ohio, squeezed us in (SUPER HUGE THANK YOU TO THE ROSPERT FAMILY FOR GETTING THE APPOINTMENTS SCHEDULED AND SENSING THE URGENCY).   The "Jean" in me peeked through and I asked the surgeon of the year: "What makes you the best?" BAHAHAHA...oops, ummm, well I'm the head of surgery at the freaking Cleveland Clinic, ummmm, DUH!! We met with my surgeon and he answered a few questions, but didn't have the results I was so anxiously waiting on.   Our next meeting was with the oncologist and she would have the results we so desperately wanted. 

The three of us waited (NOT PATIENTLY) for her to join us.  It seemed like HOURS, but it wasn't that long.  She introduced herself and started her spiel.  After the introduction she said: OUR MISSION IS A CURE!  A CURE!! YOUR PETSCAN IS CLEAR.  WE ARE OUT TO CURE YOU!!

Aaron yelled out an enthusiatic "YES!".  I hugged this doctor, that I had only just met, like she was my bestest of best friends.  (Aaron claims her to be the hottest woman he has ever seen;)).  I hugged my husband and cousin and FINALLY understood that I've got this!

We used sick cancer jokes that only cancer patients and their very closest loved ones can understand.  "Oh, I'm just going to loose my hair and your going to cut off my boobs? BUT, I'm going to live!?!?!"  Oh, ok.  We can do that!!!! 

Heidi said when we were alone that the staff probably wondered if they had told me yet if I had cancer?  We were OVER THE MOON and obnoxious and LOUD.  Very true to what everyone knows the Runion family to be.  It wasn't in my brain??  It wasn't everywhere??  Ok, we can do this!! Tears of JOY and the very first smile of the day!

Heidi's been wanting to star in a "Conversations with Crackheads" for a while now, but the things we talked about really aren't blog material.  Maybe a page for surviving a cancer diagnosis?  Maybe a book titled "The diagnosis", but not a blog post;)  But we most certainly had more than a few "Conversations with Crackheads" during our trip to the Cleveland Clinic.

Maybe we loved my oncologist because she gave us the good news, but more likely it was her.  She started from the very beginning to explain each step of her recommended treatment, answered any and all questions, and reassured me that we can do this!  Graciously assured us that if we decided to use a local oncologist that she would support us and help in any way she was able to.  WE LOVE HER.

During our long day at the clinic I had a breast MRI.  Another IV and you lay on your stomach for a half hour.  It sounds like a train is going by your head.  It was scary and not fun, but I survived.

We met with a genetic consultant (I don't know her actual title) before my final labs were drawn.  She was wonderful and I will write more about that when the results come back, but it was very informative, but scary.

 

Eight hours at the clinic and we accomplished so much.  We left ready to fight.  Willing to believe in defeating this beast! 

 

My first chemo treatment is Wednesday, April 24th at the Cleveland Clinic.  Scared, but ready.  GET UP!  Let's go!

 

Thank you so very much for all of the support and love.  It is appreciated more than you will ever know!!

 

 

SURVIVORS!!!!!

 

Best Siblings Ever (AND CUTEST NIECES EVER, DUH)

 

 

CHURCH PINKS OUT!