Pet Scan: CLEAR...but only after A LOT of mental anguish.
When you prepare for a Pet Scan you don't eat any sugar for 24 hours. Why? Because the stupid cancer likes sugar! I asked my uncle to take me to the appointment thinking I would get to wait with him. He always smells good and gives the best hugs ever. He's not my Dad, but he's taken over that roll in his baby brother's absence. Most everyone knows my uncle because he is one of most genuine and giving people you will ever meet. I called him and asked him and he dropped all that he was doing to take me...we MIGHT have taken a few wrong turns after the scan, but it was probably just so we could spend more time together;)
Once we grabbed a bite to eat and pulled into my empty house is where the "fun" began. If you know me at all you can understand that if someone tells me NOT to do something, normally that makes me want to do it. Well, the Toledo Clinic sent me home with a CD of my Pet Scan knowing that I was going to the Cleveland Clinic the next day. The technician didn't even seal it!! As if I'm NOT going to look at the stupid thing!! I understand that I'm not qualified to read scans. I understand that people go to school for it and can be complicated, but I popped the CD in the computer as soon as I walked in the door.
AND I FREAKED! There were two HUGE "hot spots" IN.MY.BRAIN. I called Heidi and made her look...she was FREAKED, but she TRIED to hide it. Then Amy and Kevin brought some food over and took a peak and they were FREAKED, but tried to be positive. Ash came to drop the monsters off and looked and couldn't disguise her panic. I know her the best and she was scared.
Aaron came home early to help tuck the kids in and tell me that he loves me...and I showed him. He didn't go back to work. Instead, we cried for hours and hours and hours until it was time to wake up and drive to Cleveland. The thoughts that you think when you are diagnosed with cancer are unimaginable. When you think it's in your brain, it's worse. I was mentally preparing all of the things that I needed to do in a short amount of time.
When my dads cancer had spread, he would misplace things. Our favorite story is him putting his wallet in the refrigerator. We packed lunches before we left and Aaron couldn't find the peanut butter. He asked if I opened the new peanut butter yesterday and I told him that I had and he should look other places because I have cancer in my brain...the peanut butter was in the wrong cupboard.
I fell to the floor in tears. I was completely convinced that it was everywhere. Not that I was having a rough week and might have hurriedly placed the peanut butter in the wrong cabinet, but certainly it was the cancer taking over my brain. Aaron had to pick me up off of the floor. He told me that he does that all of the time and I'm simply distracted. HE HAS BEEN GREAT. He's the one that has caught most of my tears and fears and I love him more each day.
He picked me up and dusted me off and told me that I would be great today. So, we grabbed Heidi and we were on our way to the Cleveland Clinic. Only for a consult to appease my mother and Mary Jo....so we thought;)
*** Side Note on Pet Scan: Painless. Shot glucose in my arm and I took a nap in a quiet room for a half hour. I slid in and out of tube for another half an hour and I was done. If you're claustrophobic it would NOT be fun though;)
When you prepare for a Pet Scan you don't eat any sugar for 24 hours. Why? Because the stupid cancer likes sugar! I asked my uncle to take me to the appointment thinking I would get to wait with him. He always smells good and gives the best hugs ever. He's not my Dad, but he's taken over that roll in his baby brother's absence. Most everyone knows my uncle because he is one of most genuine and giving people you will ever meet. I called him and asked him and he dropped all that he was doing to take me...we MIGHT have taken a few wrong turns after the scan, but it was probably just so we could spend more time together;)
Once we grabbed a bite to eat and pulled into my empty house is where the "fun" began. If you know me at all you can understand that if someone tells me NOT to do something, normally that makes me want to do it. Well, the Toledo Clinic sent me home with a CD of my Pet Scan knowing that I was going to the Cleveland Clinic the next day. The technician didn't even seal it!! As if I'm NOT going to look at the stupid thing!! I understand that I'm not qualified to read scans. I understand that people go to school for it and can be complicated, but I popped the CD in the computer as soon as I walked in the door.
AND I FREAKED! There were two HUGE "hot spots" IN.MY.BRAIN. I called Heidi and made her look...she was FREAKED, but she TRIED to hide it. Then Amy and Kevin brought some food over and took a peak and they were FREAKED, but tried to be positive. Ash came to drop the monsters off and looked and couldn't disguise her panic. I know her the best and she was scared.
Aaron came home early to help tuck the kids in and tell me that he loves me...and I showed him. He didn't go back to work. Instead, we cried for hours and hours and hours until it was time to wake up and drive to Cleveland. The thoughts that you think when you are diagnosed with cancer are unimaginable. When you think it's in your brain, it's worse. I was mentally preparing all of the things that I needed to do in a short amount of time.
When my dads cancer had spread, he would misplace things. Our favorite story is him putting his wallet in the refrigerator. We packed lunches before we left and Aaron couldn't find the peanut butter. He asked if I opened the new peanut butter yesterday and I told him that I had and he should look other places because I have cancer in my brain...the peanut butter was in the wrong cupboard.
I fell to the floor in tears. I was completely convinced that it was everywhere. Not that I was having a rough week and might have hurriedly placed the peanut butter in the wrong cabinet, but certainly it was the cancer taking over my brain. Aaron had to pick me up off of the floor. He told me that he does that all of the time and I'm simply distracted. HE HAS BEEN GREAT. He's the one that has caught most of my tears and fears and I love him more each day.
He picked me up and dusted me off and told me that I would be great today. So, we grabbed Heidi and we were on our way to the Cleveland Clinic. Only for a consult to appease my mother and Mary Jo....so we thought;)
*** Side Note on Pet Scan: Painless. Shot glucose in my arm and I took a nap in a quiet room for a half hour. I slid in and out of tube for another half an hour and I was done. If you're claustrophobic it would NOT be fun though;)
I didn't take any photos the day of the pet scan other than during the day when I was watching my babies play with daddy:
Making signs for Mommy: "Defeat Cancer! We love you!"
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ReplyDeletewe always hope that they will never pass even when we know the sad truth.I hope that soon you can remember her with a smile soon.pet anxiety
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