THANK you, from the very bottom of my broken heart!
Without the
Overwhelming support from all of
YOU,
Everything
About the last two years
Really would have
Sucked much worse.
I received many texts, emails, and calls from my caring friends this month. The most recent text read: "I love you Laura Leigh! A little extra in October!", but each one of the messages made me smile. Each call and every message made me feel a little less alone in my struggle with October. I cannot thank you all enough for all of the love and support that was lended to me when I needed it.
You can have it all back now.
I'm ok. I'm not bitter. I'm not angry. I no longer think of my Dad dying as a punishment of some sort.
When I think of him now, the majority of the memories bring a smile to my face. The memories of his final days have slowly been replaced with loving moments that happened during the slow demise of my hero in his earthly form. My biggest struggle now is witnessing my Mom when she's unable to mask her pain. When I pull in my Uncle's driveway, I anxiously await my huge embrace, but it doesn't take my breath away anymore. We both miss his fiesty, know it all, arguments, but we made it through the pain and didn't let it make us bitter.
I catch my breath more quickly these days. I am a stronger person now than I was two years ago and even a year ago. I know my Dad smiles down on me often.
I still miss him. I always will. But, I don't need your strength anymore. It's time to give someone else the space you've been holding for me. Thank you so very much for lending it to me. You will never know how much you all mean to me!
Hey Dad,
Some of things you might have missed when you're busy eating cake saturated in heavenly milk:
Coffee stained teeth...I am coffee drinker in my old age. Sandals until it snows...Keegan's going to be just like you. Pass the milk...we try to stop by and keep in contact when life allows us to. Eat the cream corn...Aaron does his best to make me eat my gross veggies. Don't forget your mom's birthday...I don't.
The blue, blue eyes that you passed to your most stubborn grandchild doesn't stop me from wanting to beat him when he's rotten. He is enjoying preschool, all of his girlfriends, and whines a lot. He asks about you often. Sometimes dying in general, sometimes he tests his reasoning skills and attempts to connect how you are related to all of us. It's hard for Mom to answer all of his "Why's".
Say/do things without thinking of the consequence, apologize later...Camille MUST have inherited this from you, certainly not me! She loves soccer, she even claims to be the best on her team. She cares for her babies like they're real, she's an early riser, and she hates to leave my side. She asks about you most of the time when she's tired and randomly remembers things about you that I'm completely shocked by.
Mr. Ugly Bear sleeps with Lilly every night, but she's more of a quiet comfort person already. She rarely brings up the missing/confusing feelings of loss, but jumps up to hug Keegan when he tells us that he's sad and missing you. She is empathetic and loving and giggly and fun and crazy and has fun doing any activity. She looks just like me.
You can have it all back now.
I'm ok. I'm not bitter. I'm not angry. I no longer think of my Dad dying as a punishment of some sort.
When I think of him now, the majority of the memories bring a smile to my face. The memories of his final days have slowly been replaced with loving moments that happened during the slow demise of my hero in his earthly form. My biggest struggle now is witnessing my Mom when she's unable to mask her pain. When I pull in my Uncle's driveway, I anxiously await my huge embrace, but it doesn't take my breath away anymore. We both miss his fiesty, know it all, arguments, but we made it through the pain and didn't let it make us bitter.
I catch my breath more quickly these days. I am a stronger person now than I was two years ago and even a year ago. I know my Dad smiles down on me often.
I still miss him. I always will. But, I don't need your strength anymore. It's time to give someone else the space you've been holding for me. Thank you so very much for lending it to me. You will never know how much you all mean to me!
Hey Dad,
Some of things you might have missed when you're busy eating cake saturated in heavenly milk:
Coffee stained teeth...I am coffee drinker in my old age. Sandals until it snows...Keegan's going to be just like you. Pass the milk...we try to stop by and keep in contact when life allows us to. Eat the cream corn...Aaron does his best to make me eat my gross veggies. Don't forget your mom's birthday...I don't.
The blue, blue eyes that you passed to your most stubborn grandchild doesn't stop me from wanting to beat him when he's rotten. He is enjoying preschool, all of his girlfriends, and whines a lot. He asks about you often. Sometimes dying in general, sometimes he tests his reasoning skills and attempts to connect how you are related to all of us. It's hard for Mom to answer all of his "Why's".
Say/do things without thinking of the consequence, apologize later...Camille MUST have inherited this from you, certainly not me! She loves soccer, she even claims to be the best on her team. She cares for her babies like they're real, she's an early riser, and she hates to leave my side. She asks about you most of the time when she's tired and randomly remembers things about you that I'm completely shocked by.
Mr. Ugly Bear sleeps with Lilly every night, but she's more of a quiet comfort person already. She rarely brings up the missing/confusing feelings of loss, but jumps up to hug Keegan when he tells us that he's sad and missing you. She is empathetic and loving and giggly and fun and crazy and has fun doing any activity. She looks just like me.
Sometimes life isn't fair, live it anyways...we are doing our best.
Please know that on your angelversary I will be busy during the church service. The demands of the children under my supervision might be enough distraction that I'll be able to hold back the tears. Even if I'm able to maintain a steady breath and keep the tears behind the wall, I will still be missing you. I will also be thankful that you can breathe easy again.
Please know that on your angelversary I will be busy during the church service. The demands of the children under my supervision might be enough distraction that I'll be able to hold back the tears. Even if I'm able to maintain a steady breath and keep the tears behind the wall, I will still be missing you. I will also be thankful that you can breathe easy again.
Sometimes I can't believe it has ALREADY been two years. Sometimes I can't believe it's ONLY been two years.
Always, I wish I could pick up the phone one more time and hear your voice. Always, when I smell a man wearing Obsession cologne, I look around as if you'll miraculously be there. Always, I wish I could watch you read to the kids one more time, even if you did mix up the words. Always, I wish Lilly could throw up on you again. Always, I wish you could sit in my backyard on my glider and watch them run and play and swing and shine bright like the sun, right next to me, watching proudly. Always, I love you. Always, I miss you.
Lots less tears, lots more smiles, lots and lots of love,
Laura Leigh
Oh, my babies have grown so much in two years, it's just crazy! They miss you too!
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