Once upon a time there was a young girl that thought she knew everything. When she didn't do the right thing, she would justify her poor behavior by blaming someone else or rationalizing the situation in her head.
One day, one of her best friends called her out on her poor behavior. With her youthful, know it all attitude, she told her friend that no matter what, she expected her to be on her side. Obviously (when the young girl assumed she was the center of the universe), drawing attention to her crapilicious ways was not being on her side.
Rather than face the problem, or heaven forbid change her crapilicious ways, she decided the best route was to put space in the friendship. Her friend picked her side when she asked the young girl to face the situation. It didn't matter if her friend was right. When she asked the young girl to come clean, she picked her side. Although the young girl never completely lost contact with her friend, she blamed her for the pickle she was in (even though it was her own poor behavior that landed her in the hot seat) and distanced herself from the friendship.
Since that time, the young girl has grown up (a little). She apologized to her friend (that was actually forcing her to take the high road). They are once again annoyingly fun and funny and cool and hang out whenever life allows them time to see each other.
(I was the young, immature girl in the story above;))
Now, when people ask for advice on friendship, I can say from experience that this is my truth about true friendship, or as I call them, forever friends. It may only be my truth, but this is my blog. Take it or leave it!
I've been asked quite a few times whether or not it's the right decision to "let the friendship go"? If one friend seems to be putting in all of the effort and the other isn't reciprocating, it can be draining to the the friend that is putting forth all of the effort. Why aren't they returning my calls? Don't they care about me as much as I care about them? If they are too busy to call, I don't need them. Are they actually mad at me for saying or doing that?
My first response is usually something like this...All of my friends know that if they actually NEED me, all they have to do is call and say that they need me. I can tell in the tone of my friend's voice or by a few typed words, when a friend actually NEEDS me. It's much different than, "Hey, just calling to check in" messages...those sometimes take weeks to return;) But "Hey, I need you messages" are returned immediately. Be clear if you need your friend. If they just think you want to chat, when really you need them to listen or cry with, it might just be that you're not communicating well enough.
If you tell them that you're really at a rough spot and you could use their support or guidance and they still don't respond, then I wouldn't push the issue. Sometimes a little space is good for friendship. Maybe one of you will realize that "hmmm, maybe, just maybe, this time I was wrong"? Possibly, when you finally have time to chat, you'll hear that your friend just couldn't possible handle one more thing on their plate at the second that you called? Perhaps they truly are that busy OR maybe they too are struggling to stay above water? Could it be that God is pushing you to open your heart up to a new friend?
Whatever the reason that you feel let down, I find it hard to simply cut your loss. Mostly because I don't want to imagine my life without my friends in it. If they would have decided that it was easier to cut me out of their lives when I was being crapilicious, my life wouldn't be as full. I wouldn't have felt what it feels like to be forgiven. I wouldn't offer forgiveness as often as I do. I would be missing out on their friendship and love.
Another one of my forever friends doesn't accept many of my invitations. She doesn't call when she comes to town. Even after I've told her that I will always make my best attempt to see her whenever she calls. Her parents tell me to keep inviting her;) But when my Dad died, when I needed all of my people, she was there. She didn't hesitate to make the trip home, she was there.
One day, one of her best friends called her out on her poor behavior. With her youthful, know it all attitude, she told her friend that no matter what, she expected her to be on her side. Obviously (when the young girl assumed she was the center of the universe), drawing attention to her crapilicious ways was not being on her side.
Rather than face the problem, or heaven forbid change her crapilicious ways, she decided the best route was to put space in the friendship. Her friend picked her side when she asked the young girl to face the situation. It didn't matter if her friend was right. When she asked the young girl to come clean, she picked her side. Although the young girl never completely lost contact with her friend, she blamed her for the pickle she was in (even though it was her own poor behavior that landed her in the hot seat) and distanced herself from the friendship.
Since that time, the young girl has grown up (a little). She apologized to her friend (that was actually forcing her to take the high road). They are once again annoyingly fun and funny and cool and hang out whenever life allows them time to see each other.
(I was the young, immature girl in the story above;))
Now, when people ask for advice on friendship, I can say from experience that this is my truth about true friendship, or as I call them, forever friends. It may only be my truth, but this is my blog. Take it or leave it!
I've been asked quite a few times whether or not it's the right decision to "let the friendship go"? If one friend seems to be putting in all of the effort and the other isn't reciprocating, it can be draining to the the friend that is putting forth all of the effort. Why aren't they returning my calls? Don't they care about me as much as I care about them? If they are too busy to call, I don't need them. Are they actually mad at me for saying or doing that?
My first response is usually something like this...All of my friends know that if they actually NEED me, all they have to do is call and say that they need me. I can tell in the tone of my friend's voice or by a few typed words, when a friend actually NEEDS me. It's much different than, "Hey, just calling to check in" messages...those sometimes take weeks to return;) But "Hey, I need you messages" are returned immediately. Be clear if you need your friend. If they just think you want to chat, when really you need them to listen or cry with, it might just be that you're not communicating well enough.
If you tell them that you're really at a rough spot and you could use their support or guidance and they still don't respond, then I wouldn't push the issue. Sometimes a little space is good for friendship. Maybe one of you will realize that "hmmm, maybe, just maybe, this time I was wrong"? Possibly, when you finally have time to chat, you'll hear that your friend just couldn't possible handle one more thing on their plate at the second that you called? Perhaps they truly are that busy OR maybe they too are struggling to stay above water? Could it be that God is pushing you to open your heart up to a new friend?
Whatever the reason that you feel let down, I find it hard to simply cut your loss. Mostly because I don't want to imagine my life without my friends in it. If they would have decided that it was easier to cut me out of their lives when I was being crapilicious, my life wouldn't be as full. I wouldn't have felt what it feels like to be forgiven. I wouldn't offer forgiveness as often as I do. I would be missing out on their friendship and love.
Another one of my forever friends doesn't accept many of my invitations. She doesn't call when she comes to town. Even after I've told her that I will always make my best attempt to see her whenever she calls. Her parents tell me to keep inviting her;) But when my Dad died, when I needed all of my people, she was there. She didn't hesitate to make the trip home, she was there.
Be patient. Be forgiving. Accept forgiveness.
Be the kind of friend you want to have.
True friends will be there when you need them.
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