The World's on Fire

My heart is worn. I am tired, but I try to hold it in.

Today would be my parents anniversary.   It's the second anniversary my Dad has been in heaven for. It's not any easier for me this year than it was last. I have been thinking about life and loss all week.  How sometimes life just doesn't seem fair and I'm kind of bitter about it.

I don't have any magic words to comfort my mom.  I can't make my Grandma like the nursing home. I can't take Lilly's cold away.  I can't stay home to cuddle her because I have too much work to do.  I'm just having one of those weeks where I feel like I can barely keep my head above the water.  I don't have time in the day to complete all of the tasks that need to be done! Like "the world's on fire and it's more than I can handle".

When I'm feeling sorry for myself I turn to three things: the Bible, music, and writing.  Last night I picked the Bible.  The verses that set my mind at ease are below. 

This morning I picked music.  It's always Sarah when I'm thinking of loss.  "World on Fire" is in my top five, if not my favorite song of all time.  When I'm feeling overwhelmed I can listen to it and gain perspective.  My cross really isn't as heavy as I think it is after I listen to the lyrics and especially when I take the time to watch the music video.

Writing forces me to think about the random thoughts that run through my crazy head.  Lilly is not feeling well, but she's not in the hospital like a friends baby girl.  I am overwhelmed with work, but at least I have a job.  The pain of loss is real, but He promises that it's not more than I can handle.

So, just in case you're feeling like the world's on fire and it's more than you can handle...trust that it isn't.  Believe in His promises. I'm ready to bring my share after writing about it; even when it feels like it's more than I can handle.  When I think about the struggles others are facing I realize I just need to dry it up and put on my big girl pants.

Super special prayers for Connor and Londyn today.  If you're not already following Connor's story you can sign follow here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/connorrequena 

World on Fire Video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDmPcSWE0WU

Matthew 16:24-26

New International Version (NIV)

 ²⁴ Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ²⁵ For whoever wants to save their life^[a] will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. ²⁶ What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?" 

Isaiah 43:1-3

New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

Isaiah 43

The Lord Saves Israel

 ¹ Family of Jacob, the Lord created you.
      People of Israel, he formed you.
   He says, "Do not be afraid.
      I will set you free.
   I will send for you by name.
      You belong to me.
 ² You will pass through deep waters.
      But I will be with you.
   You will pass through the rivers.
      But their waters will not sweep over you.
   You will walk through fire.
      But you will not be burned.
      The flames will not harm you.
 ³ I am the Lord your God.
      I am the Holy One of Israel.
      I am the one who saves you.
   I will give up Egypt to set you free.
      I will give up Cush and Seba for you.

Facebook Withdrawl Week 2

Facebook Withdrawl Week 2:

3/1 Poo flows downhill. < Crackheads run half marathons.  Riverview Drive is not a nice neighborhood.

3/2 Happy Birthday, Jamie!!  Excited to try Fort Ball pizza! <It should be required of all government employees to smile! OH and acknowledge tax paying citizens in less than 5 minutes when they are standing directly in front of them!

3/3 Boot camp with Ashley and Angie...going to be sore tomorrow, but totally worth it!  <Monsters first time ice skating tonight-could be interesting!

3/4 Wonderful message, as always.  Walleye with WUMC! 

3/5 I look like garbage today!  My eyes are swollen to the point that I had to pry them open this morning.  “It’s dark now and I am very tired. I love you, always. Time is nothing.”
― Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler's Wife  I LOVED it, but I will be happy to return to my love affair with Morelli and Ranger (mindless garbage rather than thought provoking writing on life, love and happiness). I can't believe this her first novel...and I want to go to Chicago! Thanks for letting me borrow it, Grant!

AHHHHHHHHH: Sarah at the zoo!!! SOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!! THANK YOU FOR THE ALERT, JEN!! (I was having a really rough Monday morning...now I'm sunshine and rainbows)

Totally not missing facebook anymore.  I asked Jeremiah what I have been missing...pictures of Oscar.  I saw Oscar on Sunday though, so I guess I'm not missing too much;)  Cuss Jar is winning and I haven't even had any beer:(

Let's Bake a Moment Together!!!!

You see this picture above??  Honestly, are there ANY mothers that think this is an accurate depiction of a mother making a cake with a toddler?  Am I just a loser mom because I don't think this looks ANYTHING like me or my children when I have the bright idea to have them "help" me make treats?  Look at the mother smiling!!  And her perfect posture as she extends the bowl full of batter gently for her SPOTLESS child to stir!  And an APRON!  Who even owns one of them these days?  And more importantly who would take the time to locate it to make a cake with a toddler?  (We do own a couple aprons, but they are Aaron's:)) SERIOUSLY though!! COME ON Betty Crocker, get real!

Let's bake a moment together...SERIOUSLY!?!?!?

Maybe the next time I ask the kids to "help" me make a cake, I'll have Aaron take a picture of us and I'll send it in to Betty Crocker...because obviously they do NOT understand what an accurate depicition of a mother making a cake with a toddler is!!!!

In my kitchen it looks and sounds more like this:

Happy Smiling Mommy: "Hey guys, do you want to make a cake for Tammy's birthday?"

Three beautiful, harmless children, excitedly: "YAY, Mommy!! That sounds fun!"

Happy Mommy: "Lilly, can you get the mixers? Cami, you grab the mixing bowl...NO!!! KEEGAN, I WILL GET THE EGGS!!!"

MEAN MOMMY VOICE: "GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN...NOW!!!!!"

Sweet, innocent, but WHINY Lilly: "But Mom, it was an accident! We want to help."

Deep breath, deep breath. Scoop Eggs into garbage. Wipe. Disinfect. Dry floor. Deep breath, deep breath.

PRETEND Happy Mommy: "Ok guys, let's try this again.  Keegan, I will get the eggs.  You get a spoon!"

ALL OF THE KIDS WANTING TO DUMP THE INGREDIENTS INTO THE BOWL: "MOM, HE GOT TO DO IT LAST TIME (2 ******** months ago)! MOM, SHE'S NOT OLD ENOUGH TO USE THE MIXER!!  MOM, KEEGAN LICKED THE SPOON AND PUT IT BACK IN THE BOWL!!"

MOMMY WITH HORNS PEEKING THROUGH HER HALO: "Thank you for the help, guys! I've got it from here!!! Take your spoon and lick it, but make sure to give it to me when you're done so that I can wipe you up and put the spoon in the sink."

HAPPY CHILDREN: "OK, MOMMY."

Completely frazzled mother turns her back for ONE second to put the pan in the oven! Seriously, one second!! And the youngest monster is not at the table..."OH ****!!!!!" she thinks to herself!!  She calls for him, follows his little monster voice and finds him sitting happily next to the chocolate smears on the leather sofa chair.

NOT LIKE THE PICTURE PRESENTED ABOVE...NOT AT ALL!!

PS: This story did not actually take place...well, not all at the same time...or last week when I made the cake for Tammy's birthday...BECAUSE I WAITED UNTIL THE KIDS WERE IN BED TO MAKE THE CAKE:)  And no, this isn't the funny story from my trip either, but I'm done writing for the week...maybe some other time;)

Decorating the cake, singing Happy Birthday and eating the cake...I might look like that nice, loving mother in the picture at the top of the post!!  Hope you had a great birthday, Tams:)  Love you!

LOOK AT ALL OF THESE CANDLES...WOW TAMMY IS OLD!!!!!

We let the children put the sprinkles on the cake...DUMP them on is more accurate, I suppose:)

FRIENDS ARE THE BEST:)



Humility

Last year during a Lent Bible study I was asked to present one of my favorite Bible verses.  I picked:

Philippians 2:3-11

New International Version (NIV)

³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition (rivalry in other versions) or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.  ⁵ In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
 ⁶ Who, being in very nature^[a] God,
   did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
⁷ rather, he made himself nothing
   by taking the very nature^[b] of a servant,
   being made in human likeness.
⁸ And being found in appearance as a man,
   he humbled himself
   by becoming obedient to death—
      even death on a cross!
 ⁹ Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
   and gave him the name that is above every name,
¹⁰ that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
   in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
¹¹ and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
   to the glory of God the Father.

To the surprise of my peers and even the leader of our study, I went on to explain that I often have trouble with humility.  I suppose it was surprising to them because I don't think I'd be considered boastful (I have been taunting one of my friends that I plan to beat him in the warrior dash, but I'm joking and in reality he will crush me).  I don't act as though I am more important than others. I'm not financially wealthy, but I'm fairly certain that if I won the lottery tomorrow (not likely since I don't play), I wouldn't flaunt my wealth by purchasing fancy cars or other symbols of wealth.  I try not to be arrogant.  I like to look nice, but I don't think I stand out in a crowd. Thanks to Aaron calling me out (more times than I care to admit), I work very hard at not talking down to others.  He was the main target of my "mean girl talk" (otherwise known as bullying) in the past and he quickly points out when I slip up now.

Recently I heard some news that, hmmm....well, should have been received better...by me.  My loved one told me "news" and INSTANTLY I thought about how this change will affect me.  Selfishly, I played out scenarios in my messed up head of different ways this "news" will put an additional burden on me.  Ways I will be expected to love more, give more and be more. And well, honestly, sometimes I just don't want to be more!  Sometimes it's hard to love boldly and forgive freely!

I asked another one of my loved ones to pray for me.  I prayed for myself, but I really didn't know what I was praying for other than a bigger heart. Even after a few days of digesting the news, I was still unsettled.  If I'm being completely honest, this change is still not something I'm elated about, but I do know what I'm praying for now.

HUMILITY.

I searched the Internet seeking, I don't know...wisdom? I found a wonderful essay about humility with many thought provoking questions and opinions.  You can read it here: http://www.voiceofonecrying.com/humility.htm

This is one of my favorite parts. "Humility doesn't come easy.  You'll never be truly humble if you think you are.  You'll never be humble because others say you are.  I don't know how long it takes to become humble.  And I don't know what God will require of us as He forms this humility in us."

I suppose I like this part of the essay so much because I am consciously striving to possess this intrinsic quality.  This part of the essay makes perfect sense to me this week.  Last week I THOUGHT I was humble, even fairly selfless.  I try to build others up, not break them down.  I try to forgive freely and love boldly.  I try, when at all possible, to help others even when it's inconvenient and tiresome. That's what I get for thinking! God knew I needed another lesson in humility.

"Humility doesn't come easy." What qualities worth having are?

"You'll never be truly humble if you think you are." That's what I get for thinking I was doing a good job with humility!  A great big slap in the face when I think about my poor reaction to the "news".  I should have thought about this news as a great opportunity to serve God, to help shape a little person, to think of people at their best rather than at their worst.

"I don't know how long it takes to become humble."  I realized, again, I'm not even close!

"And I don't know what God will require of us as He forms this humility in us." God gives tests to the strong; the people that are willing and able to serve Him. After prayer and reflection, I've decided to humbly recommit...over and over again...until I get it right.  Realizing that if He sends another test my way, I must be strong enough!

Thanks for another test...I am strong, ready and willing to serve.

A Prayer for Humility

O Father, give us the humility which realizes its ignorance,

Admits its mistakes, recognizes its need, welcomes advice,

Accepts rebuke. Help us always to praise rather than to criticize,

To sympathize rather than to discourage, to build rather than to destroy,

 And to think of people at their best rather than at their worst.

This we ask for thy name's sake.

(Prayer of William Barclay)

http://www.ramshornstudio.com/humility.htm

FB WITHDRAWL WEEK ONE

Ash Wednesday: GS Cookies are the work of the Devil. > During the work day I only used eff one time...but it was my keyboards fault, not mine!!  Grandma update from my Mom-another $.25! Talked to Syndi on the phone...$.50.  Total day one $1.00!!

2/23: HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESS!!! MISS YOU!! >Feeling guilty about missing a work out last night.  I started reading and got lost in the book.  I meant to read until the monsters were sound asleep and then go work out...I read til I fell asleep. >Awesome chat time on my drives home this week...Jessay and Syndi in one week:) >SO SO SO don't want to workout tonight...It's 8:30 and I still have to bake a cake, pack and clean up from scream box making!! BUT, if I'm going to do this dumb warrior dash, I have to get going! $.50 Day 2...not talking much:)

2/24: Very productive at work without access to fb! >Excited to see Tammy's house!

2/25: I wouldn't have been on fb anyways because when I'm with my friends I try to make a conscious effort not to be on facebook...you know, since I'm with them in real life, I don't need to check on them:) But I did have a wonderful visit with my friends at Tammy's new house:) We even pretended we were in college and watched "Friends" reruns! THE CAR RIDE TO/FROM...NOT SO MUCH!! (If I have time to write sometime this week, I'll tell a good "Mom" story to make you all smile for Friday Fun).

2/26: Spaghetti dinner was lovely!  The fellowship hall looked beautiful all decorated in pretty spring pinwheels! Thanks for everyone that attended:)  Oh and yummy food!

2/27: I did not think in facebook updating status mode at all today-haha.  You know how you sometimes think in that way...like you think to yourself "I am going to post this or that"?  Well, I didn't do that at all!  No facebook isn't so bad...foul language experiment is not going as well:( 

2/28: I am excited to start Bible study tomorrow:) :) 

The Scream Box

Tammy turns 31 tomorrow...this is where my creative energy went this week. 

Sorry! No blog. No facebook. I stink as a contributor to the social networking society this week:) I guess I can pin this so I'm contributing a little? Maybe? :) 

Anywho, if you want to make a special gift for a friend...here's an idea that I came up with while thinking about things to give one of my bestest friends:)  She has three young children and a husband to care for.  She's a stay at home Mom.  She recently moved.  She is taking classes toward a second degree.  She has a dog and a cat...she has many moments during her day that she feels like she is going to SCREAM!!!

THE SCREAM BOX

Source: publiclookin.blogspot.com via Laura on Pinterest

1. Cover a box in wrapping paper/fun scrapbook paper.
2. Cut a hole in the box about the size of your open mouth...I made the hole smaller than my mouth because it's been said that I have a big mouth:)
3. Make up a "prescription label" and "instructions for use" personalized to the person you are giving the "Scream Box" to.
4. Decorate the box however you please...pictures, quotes, words, stickers, etc.  It probably would have been better if I would have added pictures, but she has all of the same pictures I have and I don't want to part with my copies of them!

The definitions, product descriptions and prescription label that I used are below:

SCREAM: A long, loud, piercing cry expressing extreme emotion or pain.

SCREAM BOX: A place to store screams that need to be let out, but there isn’t anywhere to put them…and nobody there to hear them anyways!

This box was made with LOVE for YOU. 

It is to be used, as necessary, as many times a day as needed.  Examples of use for this product:

v    John is working out of town and all you really want is 10 minutes to yourself to clean or sit in silence or talk to your friends.

v    Ryne spilled the milk, Gavin dumped the cereal all over the freshly swept floor and Olivia is late for the bus.

v    You REALLY want to be hanging out with the doctor who wrote this prescription, but she lives too far away, you don’t have a sitter and it’s just not possible.

LOVE LOVE LOVE Rx Pharmacy Care

333 Whenever you need me

Call Me, Illbethere 33333

(419)XXX-XXXX (my number)

Rx#:7777777       Dr. Too Many Titles

Love Love Love Customer:

Tamara X XXXXXXX 01/01/01 F

Her Address

Johns House, Ohio 11111 

SCREAM BOX EXTREME

REFILLS: Unlimited  QTY: As necessary



The kids made a box for Olivia too:)

Invest in the Future

Currently we are working on obtaining life insurance.  I know, I know, we should already have this in place. Honestly, I work for an estate planning attorney and we don't even have Wills.  Yes, I'm working on that now too.  I guess it's time to be a grown up...since I am 30! So, soon (I set a deadline of March 1st for myself...it's in my planner- so it has to happen), my family will be protected financially and a guardian will be in place should something tragic happen.

While I'm investing in the "in case" future to protect my monsters, I thought I should take the time to research the right now and near future for my children.  There is an important vote that will play a huge roll in their lives that is quickly approaching. Unlike the life insurance quotes that we have been receiving, I don't get to compare the data sheets or have a representative look into other options if I don't like one or simply want a more in depth comparison.  I don't have an unlimited amount of new building funding representatives that I can contact, endless online resources or friends to compare the quotes with.

Instead, I have to look at the information provided by our school representatives. I need to make an informed decision based on the information they provide, outside information that I have gathered from the auditor's website and the state website, ask questions if I have them and show up on the day of the vote. 

Unfortunately, when it comes to the school levy and the necessity for a new school verses renovation, I don't have all of the answers.  Without relying on the information presented by the administration I can't answer questions like "Does the school need to be that big?" or "Why can't they renovate rather than build?", so I'm not going to try to answer them.  I don't know why everyone can't pay the same amount of taxes. I don't want to argue about why I believe that our community should support the levy.  I don't want to argue about the additional burden to the check book. I really don't care what it costs because I will vote yes regardless. BUT just so everyone knows that we will feel it, ours is estimated at $450 per year increase for both houses.

Even when I hear questions presented by a person that I hold the highest respect for, it doesn't make me want to join the levy campaign or debate with him.  I'm simply not motivated by political issues, but I wanted to take the time to tell you why I think this levy is important and necessary; why this investment makes all of our futures brighter.

I suppose I should also preface by stating that
 before and after I took the time to research the levy page: http://www.woodmore.k12.oh.us/dbuilding_levy.htm 

I am a YES vote.

To understand that the need is real, I trust my seven year old when she tells me that she's scared that the building is going to fall on her. Her fear is honest and somewhat warranted since many of  her friends have been moved out of their classes because they have been deemed unsafe and beams have been repaired.  I have walked the halls and viewed the virtual tour.  The need is real.  The band aids can only hold for so long and they are losing their adhesion quickly with each flood, each shingle knocked down, every hour the ancient boiler is running.  Simply put, the building is too old for renovation to be the answer.


I know that the maintenance and repairs on my own house (that was built in 1974) requires money and resources to maintain the structure.  The current elementary school was built in 1923! Even with the tons of money that would be necessary to provide a safe renovation, the structure would continue to require a high maintenance budget every year.  The flood problem alone is discouraging enough for me to vote yes.  I don't want to hope that the water was extracted timely and pray that mold doesn't grow due to the constant flooding condition. 


Personally, I want a school that is structurally sound, filled with caring teachers and up to date technology.  Children learn best in an environment that is safe and we owe it to them to provide this environment. The need is real, the time is now.  I'm ready to invest in the future, not just my "in case" future, but the right now future for the children...are you?

There is an important levy on the ballot on March 6th to build a new pre K - 8 school building. 

Vote YES! Invest in the Future!

Even if your opinion is different than mine...VOTE!  It's your right and honor!