Dearest friend, It is alright to not be sunshine and rainbows when you hear results like you have recently heard. It is normal to ask God why! It is ok to yell and be mad! I agree with your logic...you have been through enough with your sis...NOT FAIR!
How do I know that it's ok to be mad...even mad at Him? Because I was too! I love you and I hope you know that I'm hear to listen if you need me! Love your girlie. Still here, still praying.
THIS IS A REPOST FROM MY PRIVATE BLOG 10-4-10
How are you today? How was your weekend? How is everyone holding up? How is your dad doing? Do you need anything?
All simple questions. All have answers. Most of the answers are not answers you really want to hear, but you ask anyways because you care about me. Some days I want to answer, most days I do not.
The point of this post is not to make anyone feel sad, bad, or even stop you from asking, but to tell you that I am not the same. I am not the same person that I normally am. The past week I can barely find energy to care if I have mascara on. I have hives almost daily. I feel stressed all day. I find it very difficult to concentrate at work. I'm fairly certain I have experienced a panic attack (or two).
Most of my day I think about what I'm going to go home to or research brain cancer in between assignments. Think about how my dad is going to act tonight. Will he say thank you or be angry when I help? Will he try to get up unassisted and fall? Can I hide the emotions from my children so I don't loose my temper with them? Will I be able to sleep when I lay down? Will I have nightmares once I do fall asleep? What will I wake up to once I manage to sleep?
I'm just not the same. So, if I respond "fine", don't pressure me. If I don't come to a meeting or perform the way you expect me to, know that right now I'm not the same. If I miss a detail I normally would not overlook, know that I am not the same. I do appreciate the concern and I will let you know if I want to talk about it, but if I don't respond the way you expect me to, please understand, I'm not the same.
So, my response to how are you today? Or how was your weekend? Or how is your dad? Or how is everyone holding up?
Is...
EVERYTHING'S JUST WONDERFUL, HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE!
"Everything's Just Wonderful"
Do you think, everything, everyone, is going mental,
It seems to me that it's spiraling outta control and it's inevitable,
Now don't you think,
This time is yours, this time is mine,
It's temperamental,
It seems to me, we're on all fours,
Crawling on our knees,
Someone help us please
Oh Jesus Christ almighty,
Do I feel alright? No not slightly,
I wanna get a flat I know I can't afford it,
It's just the bureaucrats who won't give me a mortgage,
Well it's very funny cos I got your fucking money,
And I'm never gonna get it just because of my bad credit
Oh well I guess I mustn't grumble,
I suppose that's just the way the cookie crumbles.
Oh yes, I'm fine,
Everything's just wonderful,
I'm having the time of my life.
Don't you want something else,
Something new, than what we've got here,
And don't you feel it's all the same,
Some sick game and it's not insincere,
I wish I could change the ways of the world,
Make it a nice place
Until that day, I guess we stay,
Doing what we do
Screwing who we screw
Why can't I sleep at night,
Don't say it's gonna be alright,
I wanna be able to eat spaghetti bolognaise,
and not feel bad about it for days and days and days.
In the magazines they talk about weight loss,
If I buy those jeans I can look like Kate Moss,
Oh no it's not the life I chose,
But I guess that's the way that things go,
Oh Jesus Christ almighty,
Do I feel alright? No not slightly,
I wanna get a flat I know I can't afford it,
It's just the bureaucrats who won't give me a mortgage,
Well it's very funny cos I got your fucking money,
And I'm never gonna get it just because of my bad credit
Oh well I guess I mustn't grumble,
I suppose that's just the way the cookie crumbles.
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