Honestly, I'm too tired to write. I have been running around all weekend because I have a serious case of "the busy". Once radiation starts, I'm going to listen to my body and heaven forbid, say no a little more often. (I was one of the first to leave all of the parties we attended over the weekend-hey, it's a start!)
Even though I'm tired, I don't want today to go by without noting the importance. Today is the anniversary of my dad's death. Three years ago we prayed for him to leave us; to stop fighting and to rest. We promised him that we would be ok and we would love him always.
Since that day, so many things have happened to remind me that he's still here with me.
My monsters are the ones that remind me most often. Almost every day one of them does or says something that triggers a thought of my dad. They all still ask about him regularly. I think they all still associate cancer with dying. Keegan hasn't quite grasped things that are inappropriate to say out loud and each night when I tuck him in he tells me: Mommy, I love you forever...even if you die.
Last night at dinner I made them all take three bites of Shepard's pie. Keegan had tears STREAMING down his face. He would not swallow it. I laughed the entire time. I was thinking about the MANY meals around the same kitchen table at my Granny's house. I used to gag and cry and everyone would get so mad at my Dad that he was forcing me to eat CREAM CORN-BLEH!! In my defense, I only make my monsters take two/three bites and would NEVER make them eat cream corn!! ;)
You know, when I woke up in the middle of the night, I knew that I had cancer. Someone woke me up to tell me. I know that he's watching over me. Always.
A couple months ago I went to a spiritual retreat and a sister (that I have never met) asked me if my father was still alive, I could feel it. She wanted to know because she felt called to tell me that he was still here and that he loves me. She continued praying for me and asked me to relay the message to my mom who was really struggling with my diagnosis and overwhelmed with life at this point. Yes, mom, I asked the Princess Posse to pray for you. They're really fierce in their prayers so I didn't think you'd mind;) Dad's still protecting us, Mom.
Or when it's not my story to share happens. Times like today that I know that you woke me up for a reason: to help protect others that we both love. Let them know you're looking out for them today, too.
Today is full of emotion and our family could use a few extra prayers if you could spare them.
October is a difficult month for me. I want to wear black, not pink. I want to shut down, not party.
Three years later and I still want to call you when mom's making me mad. Or when our car decides to take a crap (yes, we're down to one car right now:/). Or when I speak at the Toledo Club to raise awareness about the stupid gene our family carries because it's important to give back! Or when I'm bursting with pride when one of the kids does something amazing (which happens all the time;)).
I miss you so much, but I know in my heart that you're watching over us; doing the best to protect us and help us whenever you can.
I do wish you could be the bad guy instead of me to make the monsters EAT THEIR PEAS!!
I love you, Dad! As always, Daddy's Girl,
This little princess still sleeps with Mr. Ugly Bear every. single.night. We all miss you, Pipi.
Even though I'm tired, I don't want today to go by without noting the importance. Today is the anniversary of my dad's death. Three years ago we prayed for him to leave us; to stop fighting and to rest. We promised him that we would be ok and we would love him always.
Since that day, so many things have happened to remind me that he's still here with me.
My monsters are the ones that remind me most often. Almost every day one of them does or says something that triggers a thought of my dad. They all still ask about him regularly. I think they all still associate cancer with dying. Keegan hasn't quite grasped things that are inappropriate to say out loud and each night when I tuck him in he tells me: Mommy, I love you forever...even if you die.
Last night at dinner I made them all take three bites of Shepard's pie. Keegan had tears STREAMING down his face. He would not swallow it. I laughed the entire time. I was thinking about the MANY meals around the same kitchen table at my Granny's house. I used to gag and cry and everyone would get so mad at my Dad that he was forcing me to eat CREAM CORN-BLEH!! In my defense, I only make my monsters take two/three bites and would NEVER make them eat cream corn!! ;)
You know, when I woke up in the middle of the night, I knew that I had cancer. Someone woke me up to tell me. I know that he's watching over me. Always.
A couple months ago I went to a spiritual retreat and a sister (that I have never met) asked me if my father was still alive, I could feel it. She wanted to know because she felt called to tell me that he was still here and that he loves me. She continued praying for me and asked me to relay the message to my mom who was really struggling with my diagnosis and overwhelmed with life at this point. Yes, mom, I asked the Princess Posse to pray for you. They're really fierce in their prayers so I didn't think you'd mind;) Dad's still protecting us, Mom.
Or when it's not my story to share happens. Times like today that I know that you woke me up for a reason: to help protect others that we both love. Let them know you're looking out for them today, too.
Today is full of emotion and our family could use a few extra prayers if you could spare them.
October is a difficult month for me. I want to wear black, not pink. I want to shut down, not party.
Three years later and I still want to call you when mom's making me mad. Or when our car decides to take a crap (yes, we're down to one car right now:/). Or when I speak at the Toledo Club to raise awareness about the stupid gene our family carries because it's important to give back! Or when I'm bursting with pride when one of the kids does something amazing (which happens all the time;)).
I miss you so much, but I know in my heart that you're watching over us; doing the best to protect us and help us whenever you can.
I do wish you could be the bad guy instead of me to make the monsters EAT THEIR PEAS!!
I love you, Dad! As always, Daddy's Girl,
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