Forever loved, forever living inside of those who love

I asked my friend if she needed me as she buries her Granny. Her Granny that she visited at least every week (putting me to shame!) in the nursing home. My friend is strong. She is the rock in her family. She told me that she would be ok and that I didn't need to skip work. The service planned was just a simple graveside service as her grandmother had requested. I know that she will be surrounded by her loving immediate family and her extended family that also doubles as some of her best friends. I know she'll be ok.

I forgot to think about if I might need her to hold my hand! Just thinking of the burial brings me back to burying my Dad. How the day of burial makes everything so final and real. Thinking of the pain her family is feeling with this change in family dynamic brings back my pain, still so fresh and new in my mind, and it is swirling like a tornado in my head.

When I went to the funeral home for the Harman's I didn't allow any of my emotions to surface. It was almost as if I was just a shell of myself as I walked in to the funeral home that we had greeted all of my dads friends and family just a couple months prior. Like it was second nature to buzz into the funeral home, go grab pizza and go home to play with the kids. I wasn't ready to feel those feelings. My mind couldn't grasp what I was feeling and I was still too numb to put the thoughts into feelings.

Today I feel so much pain for my lovely, strong, amazing friend and her family that has become my family over the many years of our forever friendship. I pray for strength and healing for her and her family on this day that is so very difficult in so many ways. I pray for my continued healing and look forward to tomorrow when I get to hug and cry with my friend and my extended family. I hope they know that I am there with them in spirit today and will continue to pray for them.

I hope that they will continue (or at least do better than my family) at keeping their Wednesday tradition alive. When the feeling of overwhelming loss is so new and breathtaking everyone agrees to keep the traditions alive and then in the busy world we live in, the gatherings are fewer and farther between. When the person/people that bounded everyone together is no longer living, it's easier to say, "how about next week"? Next week then turns into a month or two. The family dynamic has shifted and it takes hard work to keep the traditions alive. Sometimes the traditions are just too emotional to face.

Remember the feeling of this newness and keep the traditions alive. A much needed and long overdue visit with my family last night and my friends loss so new has caused the tornado in my head, but also brings back that need for tradition and familiarity that only family can provide. When people we love are taken from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. I love you Granny Betty. I love you Granny. I love you Daddy. Forever loved, forever living inside of those who love.