The Christmas Split

Anonymous writer today!!

 

The Christmas Split

I love the Holidays! Always have, always will! I love seeing people smile when you give them their gift. I love that somehow people seem friendlier this time of year. More doors get held, more people look each other in the eyes when in a store instead of the normal glare that people have when all they want to do is get in get out and not see anyone they know and possibly delay their day. People seem to say excuse me, please, and thank you a whole lot more than on any other time of year. That to me is the Christmas Spirit!
 

What I don’t love is something that I like to call the Christmas Split. As many do, I come from a divorced family and so does my husband. Mine have been split up for about 16 years and his for about 7. You would think that by now everyone (us included) would have our ducks in a row when it comes to the Holidays. Well folks, we definitely do not and every year it gets crazier and crazier and every year my husband gets crankier and crankier! I HATE (and I don’t like to use that word very often) that he literally can not find anything to be happy about this time of year. I try to make our house pretty for the season, (he did help put the tree and a few decorations up=big success) I try to be extra nice and act like frickin Mrs. Claus to ease the stress of the Christmas Split but the truth is there is not a damn thing I can do to make him the jolly husband I want him to be. As a woman I try and fix/organize things and events so there is no stress for him when this time of year comes. I also try to point out the fact that we are lucky to have so many people who love us and want to see us and that we are very fortunate to have a gazillion places to go because there are a lot of people who don’t have that. At the same time I am constantly trying to remind myself all of these things too because it would be very easy for me to slip in to Grinch mode right along with him.
 

We literally have 6 family Christmas events to attend this year. 2 this Sunday, 2 Christmas Eve, 1 Christmas Day, 1 the following Saturday. The hubby a.k.a. The Grinch said “I am not going anywhere this year I am going to sit on my ass and if they want to see me they can come here!”……… (GEESH are fricking joking me!!! Seriously people he is the nicest guy all year long but he turns in to this mean grumpy old man at the sound of jingle bells and falalalala. Because I have the patience to deal with this while trying to coordinate the gazillion places we have to go, what stuff to bring to eat, go to the store buy the stuff ,make the stuff, what presents to buy, wrap, and coordinate which house everything goes to. ) I say with a smile “Ok Grinch Husband I totally understand your frustration. But its one time of year that we do this and then it will all go back to normal, and you and I both know once we are to all the places we need to be we have a great time!” Grinch Husband says “Ugggh Whatever!!!”
 

We truly love our families and although it’s frustrating and stressful at times I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because we are lucky and fortunate for all of our blessings and if it wasn’t for this day that little baby Jesus was born we would never have all that we do. So I just laugh it all off and know that at some point my Grinch of a hubby’s heart will grow 3 times bigger and he will go back to the man I know he is. I will sneak a look at the slight little smile he gets as he watches our little nieces and nephews opening their gifts, the big hug he always gives my sweet grandma, the twinkle in his eye when his grandma serves her peanut butter pie and the way he laughs so hard at the way our dogs tear open their presents. My heart will be full and it will feel like there is Peace on Earth. Even if it is only for the next 11 months ;)
 

Merry Christmas to you all! May you find Joy and Peace wherever you may be this Christmas Season!!

Reminder: The writer of this piece is an adult!! Imagine how the children that are forced to deal with the Christmas Split must feel.  Try to be cordial and kind, understanding and peaceful when you're making plans with ex's and grands and extended family so that the monsters feel as little of the Christmas Split tension as possible!!

 

The Meaning of Christmas

First Guest Blog about Christmas is written by a childhood friend of mine.  I have a lot of the same memories.  I remember calling Maureen's cousin Christmas morning just as she remembers calling her best friend. My dad was a little more spunky than her dad, Mike...we didn't blast Neil Diamond;)  I wish she could be "home" for Christmas and see that our little church hasn't changed all that much and that Silent Night by candlelight is still unmatched.  Lots of Love, Maureen:)  Here is a picture of the monsters at the Christmas play this year for you to see!

If you want to join the challenge, there is still time!! http://publiclookin.blogspot.com/2013/12/guest-post-anyone.html

 

 

The Meaning of Christmas

By: Maureen White

What is it? What is the true meaning of Christmas? So often, we lose sight of the things that matter the most to us, not matter what it may be. For many of us, Christmas time becomes one big rush of craziness that we have to attend to. Ok, let’s back up and really think about that one. It doesn’t start with just Christmas, it starts with Thanksgiving. There is a Holiday party here, dinner with family there, kids concerts, dance recitals, things to bake, cookies to frost, gifts to buy then you have to wrap them. There is always that last minute, “Oh crap, I forgot a gift for ____! What do I get?!”  But somewhere in there, the true meaning of Christmas gets lost. So what is it?

Christmas has its own personal meaning for everyone. Some think that it is a time to outdo their neighbors with decorations. Others think, I have to get this and that for my kids, and will do anything possible, even if it means getting up at the crack of dawn (or before) to go get that toy that everyone wants. It could mean purchasing the most beautiful shiny wrapping paper and taking an excruciatingly long time wrapping, ribboning, and decorating the packages into little showpieces that look good enough to grace the cover of a magazine.  So much is lost in the hustle and bustle of shopping, baking, wrapping, decorating that we lose sight of what really matters in all of this. To me, that meaning of Christmas is so much more than wrapping, giving, receiving, and the tree. It’s the memories made.

I remember as a young girl, calling my best friend on Christmas morning asking what she got from Santa. I remember the Christmas cookies and picking out the right ones for Santa. I remember going shopping every year with my dad and blasting Neil Diamond on the ride to the mall.  I remember going to church for the Christmas Eve service and singing Silent Night in the candlelight. I remember bringing home poinsettias one year that didn’t survive the walk home. I remember playing with the nativity under the tree while my mom wrapped gifts in the next room. I remember having the last Christmas dinner with my Grandpa- and him telling stories about my dad and uncles as little boys. I remember the year that my dad got a new tree and I HATED it because it wasn’t what we always had. I remember the first Christmas I spent away from home and I cried because I was so homesick. Those memories that have been made can never be erased.  But that, right there, ladies and gents, is the true meaning of Christmas. Those memories, even the little ones are worth more than the perfect present.

As I am celebrating this year with my family, so far away from “home”, I am once again reminded that the true meaning of Christmas is so much more than giving a great gift.  So, before you get lost in the shuffle of concerts, caroling and heading out to the next gathering make some time with your family. Take a drive through your town and look at the lights. Start a new tradition of everyone getting a new pair of PJs and a watch a Christmas movie on Christmas Eve after church. Go to a Christmas Eve service. Drink hot cocoa in front of the tree. Enjoy those moments.

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

Bitter or Better

Every obstacle, every challenge will make you bitter or better.  It's your choice.

Right now I'm trying to choose better. 

Bitter is easier though. Bitter is less work, less emotion, less time in the mirror.  Bitter is, "whatever" or "F it" or "not my problem" or "you just don't understand".  Bitter is avoidance and denial.

Better is harder.  Better is trying to understand when you don't really want to. Finding sympathy, or better yet empathy, when you don't seem to have any sympathy juice left in your body.   Better is taking a step back, taking off your glasses and trying on a different pair. Better is taking a few minutes (DAYS OR WEEKS OR MONTHS OR YEARS sometimes in my case) before you make assumptions and allegations.

Maybe better can be "still"?  What if every time we were hurt, we were still and let the wound get some healing momentum before we exposed it? When the wounds are still fresh and need some air to breathe, maybe we need to protect it a little better so that bacteria can't creep in!? Once bacteria is in, the wound can easily be infected.  The sting deep inside the wound, the sting not from physical pain, that's hardest pain to deal with. Maybe if we spent more time in "still", the wound could begin the healing process more quickly and with less chance of infection.  

Better is sometimes "I'm sorry". "I'm sorry" is hard. "I'm sorry" is especially hard when you're stubborn, bull-headed and your maiden name is Runion.  Even when it's hard, especially when it's hard, even when you're own wound is still very fresh and painful, "I'm sorry" is important.

A few months ago, I hurt a friend.  It took all of my strength and courage to show up.  Showing up is really hard, too.  To walk in her house after knowing that I broke her spirit with my actions/inaction's was difficult, but it was necessary for our friendship to survive. Even when she drives me cray cray, I value her.  Even when we disagree, there is love present.  I knew I had to show up.  Showing up is picking better instead of bitter.

 I've done this MANY times in my life: http://publiclookin.blogspot.com/2011/04/do-not-be-quick-with-your-mouth.html  I'm sure I'll do it many more.

This time I'm really struggling because my hurtful actions/inaction's are all embedded with MY truth.  (There are always MANY truths to each conflict.  Seeing all of the different truths is difficult, but better.) My truth is the story through my glasses, but it doesn't mean it's THE truth. 

So, I've said "I'm sorry".  I tried on a few different pairs of glasses.  I've decided to be still, to be better, to dig deep in my heart where the pain is and grab the sangria neosporin.

I found this little gem to read while I'm being still: http://www.gotquestions.org/hardened-heart.html

Choose better.

XOXO,


 

Guest post anyone?!?

So, I read this book: Carry on Warrior by Glennon Doyle.   I love her. She's amazing.  She has a blog, http://momastery.com/blog/.  She's raw and honest and well, you get the point.  I have a crush on her.

I bought an extra copy to give away.  I was thinking about who I wanted to give it to and thought I'd offer a challenge instead. So, here's the deal.  If you want a chance to win this book, you have to write a guest blog for me.  Your blog can be anonymous or you can sign it.  It can be short or long.  The only thing is, I get to pick the winner and nobody gets to question why:)

I will post your blog regardless of if you are the winner that I select.  You can then choose to share it on facebook or be content with the readers you will get that follow the blog regularly.  That's up to you! 

I want the posts to be about Christmas in some way.  You can write about the importance of the birth of Jesus, consumerism, traditions, how to deal with family, holiday parties, whatever.  I was going to make it more specific, but sometimes when I write, I intend to focus on one thing and it turns out entirely different by the end of my rambling...

What do you say?  Are you up to the challenge?  Send me your post at lstrongl@yahoo.com by December 22nd if you want a chance to win the book! I will try to play along with the challenge and write my own if time permits as well!

Oh, and when you finish reading the book, I'd love to share one of my favorite drinks with you and discuss the book!

Counting down to Christmas with carols at the nursing home this evening, 12/12/13 at 6:30pm.  If you are looking for some Christmas cheer, please join us!!

XOXO,


 

Radiation Update

Medical update for my warrior sisters that are wondering what to expect next...keep in mind, everyone is different and has different reactions to all of the treatments.  The first picture is during simulation after they tattooed me.  The tiny mark above the blue line is one of my newest five tattoos.  The blue mark is the path that they are radiating my lymph nodes.  A MUCH bigger area than the small marker line, but the line shows the angle that the radiation will follow.

Day 15 checkup with doctor: Skin is visibly pink.  It itches a little bit.  Doc approved cortisone cream if the itching persists.  Not uncommon and still manageable.

3 more weeks (13 more for a total of 28 treatments) that my skin needs to hold up.  Praying praying praying for skin that can endure the second half of treatment.

 

PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING, GREAT BIG, BOLD PRAYERS  FOR A WARRIOR SISTER THAT HAS HER DOUBLE MASTECTOMY THIS WEEK.  Dear loving God, please surround Jacki with the love we are all sending to her.  Make her feel a little less alone and a little more alive with each whisper of her name.  Guide the minds and hands of the surgeons and staff.  Allow them to be well rested and focused as they complete her surgery. 

One step closer to cancer free, Jacki!! Amen.

 

 

Grace and peace,

 

Confines of Fear

Today is the halfway mark of radiation.  14 days in, 14 days to go.

I had coffee with one of my girlfriends today.  She was surprised when I told her that I still have a ways to go even AFTER radiation.  My BS friends had the same reaction last night.  I'm pretty sure I've blogged about it, but I'm not done with treatment after radiation.  I have another surgery coming more quickly than I care to admit.  I meet with a new member of my already large team of doctors on December 16th to discuss the risks and schedule a date for a hysterectomy (Mid Januaryish).  It will be sooner rather than later because they can not start me on Arimidex (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aromatase_inhibitor) until I'm postmenopausal.  Due to my blood clot history, the team of doctors does not want me to take tamoxifin.  Since I'm done having monsters, I didn't fight the issue.  I will take Arimidex for 10+ years because my cancer was estrogen positive (it likes estrogen)...and a few foob surgeries and pokes and prods forever...and fear.

Anyways, we started talking about it and I told her that most people find comfort in telling me: "You're almost there!  Almost done!" Normally, I smile and nod kindly.  Why ruin their day, ya know?

She said something that I didn't think of, but I do understand!  "Maybe everyone wants to put this all in a box...you know, like put it away and put it on the shelf."  Turn the page, end the chapter, end the book. 

Wouldn't it be so much easier if we could box up our fears and put them on the shelf?  Package it up in ugly wrapping paper and plain gray duct tape, maybe even take it to the corner of the attic? 

In reality though, we all live in the confines of fear.  If you would have asked me last year at this time what my biggest fear was, I would have told you, hands down that my paralyzing fear was that I would get cancer when my monsters are still young. For some reason, for many years, I have felt like a cancer diagnosis wasn't "what if" but more of a "when" for me.  This year, my biggest fear is that the cancer will win before I get the chance to raise them. 

Some people fear failure or fear making big decisions.  Some fears are irrational, but oh so real (I have a friend that can be put into a panic attack with the site of vomit...she has two monsters and she's scared of puke!?!). Whatever your fears are, you have to learn how to deal with them.  You can't just box them up and drag them to the attic. (I've tried this approach...unsuccessful)

My fear is that the cancer will win.  I have to live in the confines of that fear each and every day for the rest of my life.  Most days I would say that it makes me error on the side of overly grateful-which is an absolutely wonderful way to live your life.  (Fear is useful when you use the adrenaline to fight!)  Always looking for the positives, always seeing the sunshine through the clouds, a fear of mortality can bring this kind of outlook to the front of your thoughts quickly.  I'd venture to say that my diagnosis and hell that my body has been through hasn't tinted my rose color glasses too terribly bad, but the fear is still present.

I still wake up from nightmares where I'm trying to get back to a little boy who is calling to me, "MOMMY!" And I can see him, but he can't see me.  When I wake up, I can barely breathe.

I still freak out when I have a pain...ANYWHERE.  I fight the fear, take a couple Motrin and take deep breaths. We all live our lives in the confines of fear, but you choose how you will fight them.  

If it's easier to wrap up my fight when radiation is over, put it in an ugly box and shove it in a corner, please feel free to do so.  I will not be offended at all if that's how you fight your fear of losing me;)

I was taught to fight fear head on though.  So, I'll continue to struggle with my thoughts and *feelers on my blog and you can choose to read or skip over.  I am feeling more and more like myself, so hopefully I'll throw in a few fun stories if you continue to follow along as well;)

Radiation update: teeny tiny red so far.  Looks like I was out in the sun for a few hours without SPF...which is really bad-wear your suncreen!! The doctor said the burns, if I get them, will show up in the next week/two, but so far my skin looks healthy:)  I will admit that I'm more tired than usual, but since I have superhero powers, it's manageable;)  I'm eternally grateful that I am at this stage of treatment during the fall/winter because you can't really tell I have a smaller foob with scarves and sweaters.

How do you deal with your fear?  The confines I'm choosing to live in force me to see the good light and fight the bad.  



*one my friends calls feelings "feeler"s and I LOVE it:)

Ride through the dark shadows and find the light,




 

YES-YES-YES!

Aaron and I have been waiting for this day for a long time...Ok, Aaron didn't have to wait as long as I did.  Lilly still thinks I'm pretty awesome. Dad, well, not so much;) I let them have sleepovers when Dad is working the off shifts (one of the reasons they still think I'm cool) and the last afternoon shift he worked, we had a pajama party.

When I have a pajama party, I don't mean, dress your monsters in their pjs! I mean YOU wear your pjs too!! So, anywho, we spent the entire day decorating the house in our pajamas because, why get dressed when you're having a pajama party that night?!  (I did take a shower and put on clean pjs.  I mean, I'm stinky enough with this whole radiation business and only using TOMS deodorant that doesn't even come close to the protection a sweaty beast like myself needs!!)

So, all is fine and dandy until I tell the monsters to get their coats and shoes on.  We needed to grab the pizza before our friends in their pjs arrived.  I put on my shoes over my slipper socks and my coat on over my AWESOME orange and purple pajamas from Jacki.

Uh, Mom.  Are you SERIOUSLY going to wear that!?! OUT IN PUBLIC!?!

Yes, Lil.  We are just going to grab a pizza.  It's not a big deal.

WHAT IF YOU SEE SOMEONE!?!? You're in your PAJAMAS!!!

Uh, yeah, I know.  I've been in them all day.  Seriously, get in the car.  People are coming over in a few minutes!!

But, what if one of MY friends sees you!?!?

I'll make sure to remind them that I'm YOUR mother!!

So, she refused to go in to get the pizza with us.  Camille and Keegan agreed to tell her a few little fibs when we loaded back into the van.

Lilly, Theo and Alayna and Marissa and Macey and what's that other kids name, MOM? Devin! Yeah, him and all of your friends were there!

Nuh uh, no they were not.  Stop it.

Yeah, they were!  All of them were in there!!

They were Lil, I don't know what was going on in there.  Do you want to go in and ask them??  But, you are in your pjs, I don't know if you should!?!

I don't believe you and I still can't believe you wore your pajamas in public. (Complete with a dramatic eye roll and sigh)

YES! YES! YES!! Let the embarrassing begin!!  When I told my friends the story, one of them asked if I was going to start wearing hats like my mother did to ALL of my events...I'm not going to take this 'embarrassing my child' THAT far!! ;)

 

XOXO,