OAA's should be burned and banned and shoved up the arse...oh you get the point

Dear Lilly's Teachers and Administrators,

I apologize.  I'm sorry that I MIGHT have told Lilly:

"Well, you can tell Mr./Mrs. __________ that they can come over to our house on ANY morning that they want you to eat eggs, bacon and toast before school. I'm expected to dress, brush and manage to march three monsters onto the bus before I leave for work, I am NOT waking up early to fry eggs and bacon.  I promise your normal breakfast of Grapenuts and a piece of fruit will fuel your body with all of the brain food you'll need to make it to lunch without going any more crazy than you usually are.  If you want to add toast to your normal breakfast, you know where the toaster is.  

Oh, they can call your coach, too (in this case it's also your mom so they can kill two birds with one stone. YAY, multitasking!) and tell them to cancel practice because you need a good night sleep and after homework, dinner and showering that doesn't leave time for much of anything else.

Also, that ritual they talked about in your assembly, SURE!  pick your wedge before you answer each question if you want!! (Your friends will probably think you're a little cray cray, but honestly honey, I think most of them already do!)

The GUM!  Shit, I forgot the gum!  All we have is Juicy Fruit in the drawer today!  I'm so sorry, Lil, I promise you'll do fine without the increased mental functioning of studying while chewing gum and then test taking while chewing gum...especially since you've only intentionally chewed gum while reading ONCE."

Ok, so really I only spouted off the first paragraph to my overly stressed 3rd grade monster as SHE was lecturing ME about what I need to feed her for breakfast.  But the point is that she is FREAKING OUT about this stupid OAA test.  She does great in school, currently I have zero concerns academically with this energetic monster. Yet, they put so much emphasis on this standardized testing, she's ready to burst!!

I understand that this is one of the main ways that our teachers and our school is judged, but I think it's INSANE to put this much pressure on 3rd graders (or 4th graders or 5th graders or 6th graders)!! She's worked herself up to the point she's too nervous to go to sleep (even if I would have cancelled the softball practice and bathed her in lavender and chamomile)!

 I can't wait until testing is over and I have my carefree, crazy monster back without the doom and gloom of not passing a standardized test hanging over her head!!

I really am sorry, teachers, but not because I'm too:
a) lazy
b) tired
c) stubborn
d) busy
e) a and d
f) b and c
G) none of the above...

to make the eggs and bacon or to put my monster to bed earlier (she's already in bed by 9pm every night) or to encourage her to pick her butt before she answers each question or even to supply the same gum during study and test time!

Nope, I'm sorry because you're forced to push these tests on them even though most of you don't believe in them either.

Good luck to all the monsters, teachers, administrators, and parents during the testing weeks.

EDIT:  I understand that the teachers are not to blame for Lilly's stress level.  I agree with the comment below that her teachers and administrators only want the best for their students.  I'm just saying from a parents point of view, it's not fun/fair to watch your child stress about the stupid tests when you have a child that takes EVERYTHING literally, it's exhausting to try to calm her down when she thinks she might not pass third grade if she doesn't complete each of the tactics presented to her over the last few weeks of preparation. 

I'll be praying for you!

XOXO,