Crazy Daisies Troop 10576

Daisy Scouts Year End Party 2012

First Grade Girls LOVE to JUMP!!

And play in the water:)

Super impressed by the healthy eaters:)  All of them picked to eat carrots and at bedtime I cut up 8 large apples and set out an entire bowl of grapes...they devoured them!

Striking a pose before the scavenger hunt!!

They were totally into figuring out the clues...

By the end of the scavenger hunt they found all of the supplies to make a shirt!!

A stem of daisy from each daisy:)

Thank you for all of your hardwork Stacey!!

Wouldn't be a sleepover without a camp fire...and of course SMORES!!!!

So proud of all of the girls. 

 CRAZY DAISIES!!!

They were pinned and received multiple patches for all of their hard work!!

AWESOME SHIRTS:)  They all did their own designs:)

Surviving Spouse: Dating and Marriage

In my work I deal with surviving spouses on a daily to weekly basis.   The first meeting with an attorney serves as another step toward reality when you lose a loved one.   When this person is your life partner it's hard to hold it together for a meeting to discuss what happens next.

I have had clients openly admit that they might not remember our meeting the very next day because they took a bunch of anxiety pills prior to walking into our office.  I have listened to sobbing.  I have walked a woman to the restroom when she needed a break from all of the paper work and big words.  I have held an elderly mans hand as he told me the entire story of his life with his wife.  I have witnessed the look of relief on some and shock on others.

Each and every surviving spouse is different.  Actually, I could probably write a series of posts on surviving the death of a spouse from an outsiders view. Today I pick: dating after the loss of your spouse.

Today's post is spurred by an email from a mother to her children.  In the letter the mother defends her position in the dating world and confesses her love for another man.  A man that is not their father.  A man that her children will most likely grow to love, but they are still haunted by their own feelings of grief and loss.  Scared that their mother is jumping into things too quickly. They have expressed their views that this man is not anything like their father.  They just can't understand why it's necessary to get married so quickly, why rush?   The woman that lost her husband after fifty years of marriage is now defending her position to move on.

She doesn't want to disappoint her children, but she feels deserving of life with companionship and love.  Over and over  in her letter she defends the man that she plans to spend the remainder of her years with. I can't help but wonder why?

Why does she feel the need to defend her decision to move on?  She is a grown woman who was a devoted, loving mother and wife her entire life.  She didn't question her children when they made decisions that didn't mirror hers, but loved them unconditionally and picked up the pieces when their poor decision led to disaster.

Losing a parent is difficult no matter how old you are. Change is hard in general.  Yet, I don't think the grieving children should have the right to question their mother/father when they feel it's time to move on.

My friends have asked me if it's weird to think about my mother dating someone new.  I have met a couple the men she has decided are date worthy.  It's different, certainly.  However, I would like to think that if my mom found someone that she cared for enough to announce her engagement that I would support her rather than berate her with questions.  I want her to be happy. Whether that is happy alone or with someone else is her choice, not mine.

There isn't a book on how long a person should mourn the loss of their spouse because the feeling of loss never leaves.  There isn't a guide that states the specific amount of time that should be observed before dating after the loss of spouse because everyone is different.  

I understand that the children in this situation (all of adult age) are simply looking out for the surviving parent.  I get that. I have witnessed it. I have lived it.  I suppose what I want to share with my peers that are looking out for their surviving parent is to support them.  Love them unconditionally as they did for you.  IF, which is a big IF, because if they are choosing to get married again, I'm sure they have put serious thought into the decision, but IF something bad happens, help them to pick up the pieces again!  And again and again if that's what it takes. 

Please try not to make your parents feel bad for moving on.  Try to imagine yourself in their spot. Please for heavens sake, don't try to make them choose between you and the new person they have decided to spend their time with.  Love them, support them, get to know their new friend.

Who knows...you might actually like them!

How do you guard your thoughts?

The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts; therefore guard accordingly.  -Marcus Aurelius

I have a hard enough time filtering what slips out of my big mouth, let alone filtering my thoughts!!

But, I get the concept, I suppose.  Good thoughts produce good energy, bad thoughts seem to breed and multiply and invade your brain like a fast growing mold.

I am always uber emotional during that time of the month.  I notice my mind wandering more often, contemplating the hard issues in life, tears escape before I can suppress them, and the missing feelings are much worse when I can't seem to get a hold of my hormones. 

I started this post a couple days ago when I couldn't seem to concentrate on anything productive.  I would consciously think to myself "Ok, stop thinking about that!  It doesn't do any good, I can't do anything to change it, and it doesn't matter."  But it's like my mind is handcuffed; holding my positive thoughts out and recycling the bad thoughts on replay.  I am stuck wondering, questioning, spinning and spinning, but fully knowing that the answers can't be found in a book and I can't google them.

What do you do when you can't stop thinking about something?  Where is the key to the handcuffs? How do you let go of the pain?

I suppose you guard your thoughts...easier said than done.

**Sorry for the few males that follow!  I know the mention of "that time of the month" makes some men squeamish:)

One of "those" moms!

PRE-children...I can only faintly remember pre-children, but I do remember thinking that I wasn't going to be one of "those" moms.  I was going to do it the right way, but not go overboard.  I was going to give them what they needed, but not everything that they wanted.  I learned from my parents what I wanted to emulate and the things that I wanted to change. Pretty much, I planned to be the perfect mom, not one of "those" moms!

I wasn't going to be one of "those" moms that asked her daughters if they have a boyfriend...or every single one of her friends when they come over (JEAN).  Right now I don't have to ask because Lilly can not lie AT ALL, so at the slightest mention of the boy she has a crush on, her face turns beat red:) However, once I can't tell by her reaction, I'm sure that I will be THAT Mom that asks my daughters who they like!

I certainly wasn't going to be one of "those" moms that let my 4 and 7 year old girls shop at the trendy stores just because all of their friends were.  I grew up on Value City and I am perfectly fine...well, I guess that is a questionable statement...I will rephrase.  I grew up on Value City and it did not harm my health, I still had friends and I didn't feel like I was poor simply because I didn't wear Abercrombie.  Contrary to Aaron's thoughts on the subject, I think I do a good job pacifying the girls without succumbing to the JUSTICE propaganda very often.  I always print coupons if we decide to make a trip to the trendy little store and limit them to one outfit each. In actuality I can count on one hand the number of times I have entered the store. Sometimes I just can't resist though!  Not because I think the clothes are cuter or better made, but because the girls light up when I tell them that they can get to pick out an outfit from Justice.  So, I guess I'm one of "those" moms that shops at Justice.

I definitely wasn't going to be one of "those" moms that was strict about bed time.  I thought kids should be flexible and I didn't want bed time to run my life. UNTIL I witnessed one too many tantrums after a skipped nap or consecutive late nights. Now, my kids are in bed by 8:30 on school nights if at all possible.  They are allowed to stay up later on the weekends, but I am still mindful of their sleep pattern.  If they are up late one night, I try not to let them stay up late the next or make them take a nap if I anticipate two late nights.  So, I guess I'm one of "those" moms that is strict about sleep schedules.

I wasn't going to be one of "those" moms that let their children walk out the door without brushing their teeth in the morning.  Have to admit, I'm positive this has happened more than once.  In the rush to pack lunches, brush hair, get the perfect toy to prevent melt down, get out the door, sometimes I forget to check teeth.  I'm one of "those" moms that let's their children leave without brushing their teeth.

Now, I don't think I will mind it if I'm refereed to as one of those moms. 

I'm still learning.  I make parenting mistakes almost every day.  I yell when I should try explaining why something is wrong...again for the 100 millionth time.  I expect too much. I'm far from the perfect mom that I planned to be.  I turn into mean mommy at 8:31 when I hear talking, laughing, footsteps and sinks running.

BUT, I don't mind if people call me one of "those" moms.  I'm confident that I am doing the best that I can.  I show and tell my children as often as possible that I love them.   If that makes me one of those moms, I'm proud to be one of those moms!  Don't be offended when you're called one of "those" moms, take pride in it:)

To the people categorizing their friends, family and complete strangers into "those" moms: Maybe, just maybe, you should take a look in the mirror.   The things that make you one of those moms may be different than the ones that make me one of those moms, but you do have your own quirky behaviors.  Maybe before you judge others, you should think of all of the things you were never going to do until you actually had a child of your own.  Sometimes I think people categorize out of jealousy, sometimes out of lack of knowledge.  We all do it even if we aren't meaning to. 

Cheryl and Nichole are "those" moms that pack the 100% healthy, perfect lunches, EVERY DAY!  I categorize them out of jealousy...I WISH I took the time to pack lunches for my monsters like that every day, but I don't.  Just because I'm lazy doesn't mean I should tease them...Luckily they both know me and will not find me drawing attention to them being overachievers at all offensive:)  Actually, they expect it out of me!  But I should try not to categorize them, I suppose:)


It'd be better if we all simply tried to judge less and love more, but in the meantime, I'll be happy being one of THOSE moms! 

Donuts for breakfast...Yep, I'm one of "THOSE" moms!