Light>Negative Feelers

What feeds your feelings of resentment/anger/jealousy/frustration/shame/fear/doubt/sadness/insecurities/etc?

How do you combat those negative feelers?

Why do you let the negative thoughts rest in your mind at all?  How can you take the fuel away from the fire when it seems to be an uncontrolled mess; spreading fast like wildfire?

Once upon a time, not all that long ago, I would drink the negative feelers away.   If I was having a bad day, I would have multiple drinks and forget about whatever negative feelings were creeping in. *I still enjoy having drinks with my hubby and friends, but I don’t reach for a beer whenever I’m feeling down.*

Or, sometimes I would pretend the feelings that were building up inside of me weren’t really there at all.  Like if I pretended not to be hurt/sad/mad, that I wouldn’t feel the feelings at all. Fake it until you make it, right?  This contributed to the wall that I built to protect myself.  I wouldn’t let many people inside the wall around my heart. Some would probably suggest that I have never/will never let anyone completely in.  I’m a work in progress, you know;)

So last night, I was struggling with these thoughts on how to cope.  What is the best way to cope when you are fighting demons in your head?  What coping strategies can I pass on to the monsters?  I mean you can't really tell kids to go get a beer when they are upset, that's not "appropriate", right?!?

So, what coping skills do you use? Do you attempt to eliminate the things that feed the negative feelers? Concentrate on the positives instead?

I was even going to start a facebook thread…until I opened my Jesus Calling book!

December 29: "Trust Me with every fiber of your being! What I can accomplish in and through you is proportional to how much you depend on Me... I care as much about your tiny trust-steps through daily life as about your dramatic leaps of faith... Consistently trusting in me is vital..."

It continues to talk about putting your faith in Him. Well, DUH!! Why didn’t I think of that sooner!?!

HELLO!?!?  COPING SKILL #1 and ONLY!  It’s been directly in front of, behind, beside me, and inside of me all along.

So, I took my Jesus Calling book and read the wise devotional.  I opened another devotional from one of my forever friends next. I sat in the quiet. **I used to HATE quiet.  I’m guessing it’s because I didn’t really like myself.  When it was quiet in my heart and head, it was easy for my mind to fill with thoughts of guilt, sadness, not being worthy.**  Last night, I sat in the quiet and prayed for light. Light to cast out the darkness in my heart. Light to take away the bad feelers and open my heart to all of the goodness.  Light that I know He provides for me whenever I ask.  In both the tiny trust-steps through daily life and in the dramatic leaps of faith, He is there.  ALWAYS.

I can teach that coping method to the monsters! I invite you to try it!  He’s actually a pretty cool dude, if you get to know Him.  He loves it when I am quiet and still.  It’s usually when we have the best conversations.  Where we have our most meaningful conversations.  Where I am filled with ways that I can change the world.  One tiny idea at a time, one small heart at a time, through and for Him, I choose light.

CHOOSE LIGHT.

XOXO,







(Thumper;))

OHTOBEAMAN Post 19457

Women: In your adult life, have you EVER taken your temperature? I mean, what's the point?  You know you're sick, you know you still have to do A, B and C, right?  Do you remember

Men: Do you take your temperature to validate your sickness to your spouse?

Purely posting as a study.  NOT because the world stops when men are sick and continues at 1,000 mph when women are sick!! NOT because the BM is sick.  Purely as a study!!! :P

PS to men: Your spouse doesn't care what number the thermometer reads. Take some medicine and take out the garbage.

At least he's cute!!

Vent Sess

Ya know?  I think I've completely earned my right to be negative, grumpy, miserable, and blah.  I've lived through sleepless nights with three monsters.  I've buried a parent.  I'm a work widow.  I've had my female parts removed, replaced and they still want to do a surgery or two more.  I smiled through chemotherapy and radiation. I over commit.  I volunteer too often. My car breaks down (A LOT). Bruce (Keegs fish) died. I have a hang nail.

I think I've earned the "right" to complain if I want to. So I've decided to have a vent session; I'm going to complain!! 

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOO sick and tired of everyone COMPLAINING!!  About EVERYTHING!!

About your job-I promise VERY few people like their job all of the time.  It's why you receive pay for it, it's WORK.  

About being tired- EVERYONE is tired.  It's called LIFE. Drink a cup of coffee or a soda and move on.

About a school function/coaches/volunteers-VOLUNTEER YOUR TIME AND CHANGE IT.   {Oh, you're too busy? That's what I figured.}

I could go on and on, but you get the point.

So, I'll stop yelling:)

Recently, I had to remind one of my loved ones that it is VERY difficult to live with someone that is miserable.  When you can't find happiness in your heart, you bring the people around you down with you.  It's exhausting to try to remain positive when you're surrounded by negativity.

And why?! Is your life really THAT bad?  I understand that everyone is fighting a battle.  Trust me, I get this!!  But, I THINK (and hope and pray) that if we all focused on things like...

I'm so tired.  I'm very fortunate to have this baby keeping me up all night long.  I have MANY friends that would love nothing more than to have a baby keeping them up all night long.

This job is a dead end, but I am so fortunate to have a job.  Many families in this area are not so fortunate.

I'm not satisfied with this sports/school/after school program. I'm going to attend a meeting, ask questions and see if I can help!


I THINK that if we all focus on our blessings instead of reinforcing all of the negative that life seems to throw our way, that everyone wins.  Smiles are contagious, ya know!?

If you are really thinking your life just sucks, give me a holler.  I'll give you a story (or 10) that will make you realize how very blessed you are. 

Ahhhh, I feel better now.  Don't you? ;)  Spread some HOPE and CHEER this Christmas season!!  Be thankful for each day as it truly is a gift.

These are five of my favorite blessings:)
{Picture rights: Floods Photography}


 

Blessed beyond words, 

Laura

’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, And grace will lead me home.

’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far

The day after Thanksgiving, things started a little different than usual in my small little corner of the world. We received notification that my grandmother was unresponsive and had been taken to the hospital.  I didn't want my mom to be alone when she went to visit her mommy in this state, so I joined her at the hospital before I went to work.

{I'm a great daughter and mommy.  Sometimes I'm a great wife. But, I'm not a wonderful granddaughter.  I didn't visit as often as I should before the dementia set in and I visited even less when she no longer knew who I was when I visited.  My children are better great-grandchildren and go with Mimi to visit more often than I do.}

When I saw my grandmother in the hospital bed, it was shocking.  Though she's been declining for a while, when you see someone that most of your life has told you how UGLY you are and (annoyingly) breaks out into song 99% of the time, it's disheartening to see them in this state.

*My family might use fat and ugly instead of actually admitting that they think you are beautiful.  That ANNOYING trait of singing all the time might not be as annoying as I once found it to be.  I might even join in the singing these days;)

After a couple days in this unresponsive state, we met with hospice.  The intake nurse was one of my fathers' nurses. I recognized him immediately and it was hit to my psyche, but I was ready.  I put on my big girl pants when I was dressing for the meeting.  I knew the drill.  Saturday was my third hospice meeting in young 33 years of life.  (I'm over them if you wondered!)  The nurse, Brian, was very kind and considerate as I have found all of the Hospice staff to be.  He answered any questions that my mom and aunt had. Everyone was in agreement that this should be the next step.

I did it all without letting a tear fall.  Even when I watched my mom and aunt tell my grandma just HOW MUCH THEY LOVE HER.

After the hospice meeting, they transferred my grandma back to the nursing home.  The nursing home has been her home for many years now. This afternoon I told the monsters I was going to visit her.  I have already told them that she is not well and she will most likely die soon.  I didn't ask any of them to join me.  Death is real, but it is not always pretty.

Camille whispered in my ear, "Do you think she'll die when you're there?"

"I can't say for sure, honey, but I don't think so." I responded.

Then she asked ever so sweetly, "Can I come with you then?"

When we walked in my grandmothers room, she opened her eyes immediately.  We introduced ourselves to my grandmother as she doesn't know who we are anymore. We told her a few fun things we had done recently.  She seemed to be following the conversation well.

Then, we started singing.  Going to the Chapel, K Sera Sera, Silent Night, Going on a Bear Hunt, whatever we could think of.  Whenever we stopped singing she would get restless.  She would try to talk or try to sit up.  I would ask her questions like: Are you in pain? Do you want to try a sip of water?  What do you need (as she was trying to sit up)?

Camille whispers to me, "Mom, I think she just wants us to sing to her.  When we sing, she smiles."

So I looked up the lyrics to "Amazing Grace" on my phone and Camille sang with me.  As I read and sang the lyrics, with my compassionate little girl on my lap, I couldn't help but to let a few drops sneak out.  GRACE. Grace has brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home. GRACE.

Sure enough, grandma relaxed and smiled.  When we sang "Jesus Loves Me", she even mouthed some of the words. I'm so glad I said yes to my baby girl when she asked to join me in visiting her great-grandma.  I'm fairly certain it was just the right dose of grace that my grandmother needed.  I know that it was the grace my soul needed to feel. I hope Camille will someday realize what a blessing she is to all who know her.

UPDATE: As I post this blog, my mom reports that my grandma is once again unresponsive.  Death is real, but hope is too. Hope that the remainder of her life is pain free and comfortable. Hope that when she's ready, that she is greeted with open arms by those who went before her. Hope that grace will lead her home.

 And grace will lead me home.

 "’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, And grace will lead me home." Amazing Grace by John Newton