Can You Teach Friendship?

 My mother believes in "the more the merrier" with every fiber of her being.  I was taught from a very young age things like: keep a LARGE circle, INVITE others to join, don't label one or two friends as your best friend, you can NEVER have too many friends.

And it worked PERFECTLY!!

FOR ME.

This motto, "the more the merrier",  works perfectly for Lilly.

It's not how Camille is wired.

I have talked to many of my friends about the struggles of young friendships and the complexities of why some little monsters make friends so easily while others come home discouraged and feeling left out.

I hate Hate HATE when Cami comes home and tells me that so and so were telling secrets and it made her feel sad. I know that she's super sensitive (and most likely blowing the incidents completely out of proportion), but it still breaks my heart to hear the pain in her voice. I do believe that experiencing the feelings of disappointment are further shaping the traits that she will seek out as she selects her friends. (I also know that if Lilly were in the exact same situation, it wouldn't even phase her.  If she did notice they were talking quietly, most likely she'd walk up to the people telling 'secrets' and ask what they were talking about!)

So, I've started researching and reading.  This is one of the best articles I've found on friendship so far and a brief excerpt: http://www.bostonglobe.com/ideas/2012/09/01/how-kids-make-friends-and-why-matters/7ZNKqGszwNq5PDmdCh1M7H/story.html

"Whether you’re a boy or a girl, there is always the risk of a friend disappointing those expectations: letting you down, making friends with someone else, or just not being there for you. How kids handle such disappointments, MacEvoy says, ends up dictating a lot about how well they hold onto friends over the long term. “If you’re going to participate in friendship, you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed,” MacEvoy said. Not holding a grudge is crucial to maintaining friendships, and being incapable of it causes some kids to flit around from one friend to another, successfully making friends but quickly losing them."

I'm fully convinced that Camille will be one of the very best friends in the world when she eventually selects her circle.  I'm certain of this because a couple of my bestest friends are like Cam.  They are the most loving and devoted of my friends because they keep their circle small and protect it proudly.  They only trust a few people with the space in their heart. {They tolerate my need to have a large circle and understand that if and when they need my undivided attention, they simply need to ask.} For the most part my "Cami friends" prefer smaller crowds and more intimate conversation.

I never really thought about all of the different personalities and their effect on friendships, how and why you choose friends, or if you can teach friendship...until I was a parent.  Now, instead of preaching the "more the merrier" motto to my sweet little introvert, I'm forced to think differently and come up with different tactics on how to be a good friend.

I think about how to guide her, but not baby her often.  She still hides behind me when there is a big crowd.  It takes her until we are just about ready to leave a big party to start playing with the other monsters.  She pulls my ear down to her cute little  whisper voice, "there are too many people here" when we go to parades.  And I worry about her when I force her into a new social situation.  *My three monsters started STARS at Woodmore last week and are LOVING it so far! HIP HIP HOORAY!*

But in reality, she's leaps and bounds above my emotional sophistication at her age and I can learn more from her than she can from me.

The other night Camille told me a secret.  We talked about secrets and she confessed she doesn't trust Lilly (her older, cooler sister) with her secrets.  I asked her why not and she said that Lil would tell tease her and she probably wouldn't understand.  I told one of my girlfriends the secret (because the secret is so absolutely innocent and adorable!!) and now I'm lying to Cami and telling her I didn't tell anyone!!  She asked me if I told anyone about one hour after I told my girlfriend and I feel awful because even though the secret is harmless, I broke her trust.

How am I supposed to teach her things about friendship!?!? ;)

I think Cam already has a great handle on what she is looking for in her friends.  Much more than I grasped at 6 years old!! I think the ability to trust a friend is at the top of her list.   Maybe she learned it at friendship class?! She did ask to sign up for the extra class and talks about how wonderful Mrs. Closius is whenever we see her!

 What do you think?  Can you teach friendship?

  There is nothing as wonderful as being friends! I am so fortunate to have such amazing friends in my life and want nothing more than for my children to have the same as they grow up.

XOXO,

Life is Hard, Live it Anyways

Since one of my friends said that she can't really grasp what is going on in my pretty little head unless I let it spill out in black and white, I'm guessing most of my readers and followers would never really think of this part of my "treatment plan" if I didn't write about it either.  This subject might not be as funny as some of my posts and I'm not sure if I'll be able to describe some of the emotions effectively, but I'm going to give it a shot.  An insiders look at my thought process this week...the life of a survivor.

Life is hard.  Live it anyways.

Tuesday morning I grabbed my new favorite drink from Red White and Brew (Thanks for getting me hooked, RHI!) and then scooped up a couple of my girlfriends.  I asked them to join me for a couple appointments because I didn't know if I'd feel up to driving home. Anyways, on the way there we laughed and they did a great job of distracting me of my thoughts of foobs, needles, side effects, implants, etc.

I'm willing to bet that the two of them (that know me VERY well) weren't able to pick up on some of the thoughts going through my pretty little head, so I'll try to paint the picture in words for you.

Before I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I delivered three little monsters.  I gained anywhere from 45-60...yes SIX-ZERO pounds with each pregnancy.   My stomach is TRASHED.  Stretch marks (whoever thinks they are a badge of honor is obviously smoking crack...my stomach is a battle field.  I guess it is a honor to visit a battle field.  Oh whatever, I hate my stomach! I used to have this perfectly flat stomach that I pierced and decorated and flaunted whenever possible.  Now I cover it at all costs.) galore.  Scars from ovary removal and a hernia add to the awesomeness.  It's a really pale, gross white color to top it off because I won't even lay out in my own backyard in case someone stops over.

And then as I look farther up, I have these two foreign objects that are extremely hard and unusually round. Instead of nipples I have a scar line that crosses both of the foreign objects that are now referred to as foobs.  No matter how saggy, full of milk, shrunken post-monsters your real boobs are, they are REAL.

As I think of these things that I'm about to expose to my best friends, the nurse enters and we start talking business.  How big do you think I should I go?  Do you think silicone or saline is better and why?  Are there different shapes? How do I choose?

And so that I can continue to breathe, I act like this is no big deal.

Life is hard.  Live it anyways.

***I'll continue, but I'm sure some of you are wondering why I would invite my friends along if I'm self conscious?  For starters, I'm a firm believer in KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!!  If, heaven forbid, someone else is diagnosed with this disease, I want to be able to say that I led by example, that I taught from my experience and that I helped empower as many women as possible on my journey.  Second, the more I expose myself, the less I have to hide.  The more comfortable I feel in my own skin, the closer I get to accepting my new body as beautiful.***

So we continued my foob appointment like it was no big deal.  We all joked with my plastic surgeon.  He made my left foob bigger because my skin is still mad at me for radiating the crap out of it. He wants to stretch it further so he has more room to work when he swaps out the tissue expanders for implants.  My friends attempted to comfort me and pretend that it's not noticeable...they'll still stick to their story and claim it's the angle/view I have and it looks fine to them, but I own mirrors;)

And then we went to get my Reclast IV.  One of my girlfriends asked if the poke hurt?

 No, it didn't physically hurt, but mentally it reminds me of stick after stick after stick last summer during chemo.  I look around the room of patients and know that the majority of them are fighting for their life and it aches deep in my heart.  I look at them with acknowledgment that only survivors can grasp and wish that I could take even the smallest part of pain away from them. For a second, I am drawn back into conversation about what we need to pack for our upcoming vacation and I halfheartedly chime in. Yet, my thoughts are consumed with the man next to me that must be getting a nasty concoction because the nurse put on a gown over her scrubs to give him his infusion.  He glances in my direction and shows me his port site.  I smile with all the courage I can muster and force myself to concentrate on my girlfriends so that I don't start crying.

Life is hard.  Live it anyways.

After my infusion we went to lunch and shopping.  I pretended that I wasn't counting down the minutes until the side effects would start.  I tried to convince my brain that I wasn't going to have side effects from this treatment.  We laughed and reminisced and enjoyed each others company the rest of the day.  I am thankful for their love and support always.

When I arrived home, I went into "nesting" mode.  No, I'm NOT having another monster!!  But I don't know what else you'd call it.  I started doing all the things that needed done the rest of the week.  Teachers presents, setting out clothes and uniforms, going over the planner.  IN CASE the treatment caused side effects.

I woke up Wednesday morning and I felt like a bus hit me.  My head was pounding.  It felt like my head was going to explode when I looked at light.

EVERY.SINGLE.BONE.JOINT.AND.MUSCLE.ACHED.

Life is hard.  Live it anyways.

 
I showered, put on my happy face, and went to my SURVIVORSHIP visit with my radiologist.  I admitted that I was dori and allowed the nurse to put my iv in my LEFT ARM and now I have a vein that is pissed at me. (If you have lymph nodes removed, you should never have blood drawn/iv placed on that side again if possible...but I forgot:/) I freaked out about lymphodema and was instructed to make a line, watch for progression of my pissed off vein, elevate my arm as much as possible, and wear my awesome protective sleeve. I also made an appearance for my baby boy at his loved ones to lunch, but for the most part I slept the day AND night away. 

I felt better today and hopefully tomorrow I'll be back to new.  Ready to give the monsters their recorders back to them and laugh with them as we annoy Aaron with them;)

An insiders look at life after cancer.

Life is hard.  Live it anyways.

Lots of smiles and love,

Proofed and posted from work this morning...feeling as normal as I get!! ;)

Busy Mom Against the World Part #3

 So, I started this "series" a couple years ago with the intention of posting about it more often, but life is BUSY so I don't get to the "Busy Mom Against the World" series very often;)

 I also need to start with a disclaimer: Things do NOT always get done in the Strong house.  Saturday I asked the littles coach, "When do we have snack?"

She responded, "UHHHH, LAST WEDNESDAY!  YOU DIDN'T BRING IT!!"

SO, obviously, I'm not claiming to be perfect...and we are totally going to rock our second snack opportunity.  And by ROCK, I mean BUY something really cool, nothing homemade or anything!! It's not THAT big of a deal that we missed snack when that's really the ONLY thing the little monsters care about when they are 4-6 years of age!!! (SARCASM!! I'm sure the little monsters were devastated to not have snack.  Thankfully, Krista didn't tell the little monsters that the Strong's rents suck at life and didn't send one to the game!!)

-----------------------------

Ok, I really wasn't going to post about me being a craptastic mother that forgets snack.  I was going to tell you about some of the tips that the strong family is working on to keep up with life.

~SOCKS!!! My monsters are folding socks and separating our undergarments into piles every weekend.  Usually it includes complaining.  "MOM, we just did socks!!" To which I respond, "No, that was a week ago.  You don't have to do them, but I'm not dropping you off at your sleepover tonight, taking you to your game, going to the parade, etc. if you don't.  You decide!"

~TOWELS!!  Same thing! Once a week, they fold the towels.  They are not folded as nicely as if I would fold them, but they are folded and I can fold the other clothes while they sort socks and fold towels while I FORCE them to talk to me:)

~SINKS!  During my attempted cleaning tizzy last Friday, I went to get toilet bowl cleaner out of the kids bathroom and noticed both sinks were disgusting.  They are SUPPOSED to clean the sink out each time they brush their teeth.  I clean it once a week, but they are SUPPOSED to rinse it every day.  Keegan was the only one home so he "got" to clean all three bathrooms with me and didn't have to fold socks.

Responsibility.  These monsters are old enough to help out and be responsible for their own things.  I get their water bottle ready for them and set in on the table.  THEY are responsible for grabbing it, putting it in the car AND bringing it home. Same for their gloves/cleats/hats/etc.  If they don't, they don't have it for the next time.  They will learn eventually!  If we continually do it for them, when will they learn?  I tell my softball team that I have three children of my own, I have no desire to have 12 additional children, so they need to pick up after themselves...if I do it, they are going to run to get their things back!

MEAL PLAN! I'm SOOOOO not going to pretend to do this!! But, it does save us a lot of time!  Aaron plans out the meals for the week and cooks them ahead of time when he can.  This way we don't resort to McD's or pizza on busy nights and we have everything on hand to cook what he has planned because he makes the grocery list around the meals.  Thankfully, he's a great cook and does the grocery shopping and cooking, so I suppose the tip for moms here is: Train your husbands properly!! :)


Anyways, those are my thoughts on keeping up with life today.

Any ideas on a good snack?!?!

XOXO,

Laura