When I'm not "ON"

When I'm not "on" everyone reacts to the negative energy.  By "on" I don't mean smiling, sunshine-y, pooping rainbows (because that doesn't happen all that often), but EVERYONE can tell by a simple glance what kind of mood I'm in.  And, as people have pointed out on several occasions, it sets the mood for others.  When I'm being impossible, I make it impossible for everyone else.  When I'm throwing up skittles, it's hard not to be happy with me.

Since I'm aware that my mood has a direct effect on the moods of the people around me, I try to maintain a positive outlook when I'm in public.  Actually, at home I'm the one that is generally bringing the positive energy, too.  Sometimes it can be exhausting.  Today I worked a long day at the office.   As I walked into the madness of preparing three monsters for a soccer game after rushing them to gymnastics and trying to force food down their throats, I maintained a happy disposition.  I asked my partner what was bothering him, since obviously by his disposition, he was frustrated...

He went on to tell me that the kids walked in, dropped everything where they were at, Keegan had an accident, and thanked me for leaving my coffee mugs in my bag for who knows how long. 

I tried to laugh it off.  I asked him if he ever left anything lay around the house?  I asked him if he ever left a project unfinished? I attempted to lift his spirits with joking and poking fun.

He responded that he wasn't in the mood for my playful banter and to just leave him alone. 

Then, I let his negative mood bring me down.  I shut down; went silent.  The off switch isn't my most attractive feature.  We drove to the game in silence.  I put on my happy face while 10 monsters jumped all over me and I tickled and twirled and fixed hair and hugged them.  After the game though, we drove home without words. I turned off again.

I washed and packed and he washed and packed, separately.  I put my 15 pairs of shoes in the proper spot in the correct closet.  I went on a hunt for any and all remaining coffee mugs in the car and washed them out without speaking a word. (I did refrain from a sarcastic remark like: "There, are you happy now?  All of my shit is put away.  Someday maybe I can be perfect like you!!" A couple years ago I would have said it;))

But before I turned in for bed, I asked him to please think about this next time he shrugs me off because I'm a slob and he's not in the mood to tolerate me: Hmmm, that's her Sunday School bag.  She did get all of the kids fed and out the door for 9am Sunday School and attended church while I slept in. As soon as she walked in the door from church I asked her to go to my parents. She set down her things, changed and went to my parents without even a sigh of exasperation even though she had yet to sit down at her house all weekend.  Maybe, she didn't remember the coffee mugs were in her bag?  Maybe, just maybe, I should give her the benefit of the doubt?

Now he is playing video games, his release.  I am writing, my release.  Tomorrow all will be well with the world, but since this is my only time to write this week I wanted to touch on how to stay positive.

Be aware that your mood effects those around you.  Try not to feed the negative energy, but instead bundle the negative energy up and toss it in the garbage.  If instead of shutting down, I would have walked away, wrapped the negativity up and tossed it in the garbage before I hopped in the van, I could have reminded him that I'm human and I'm sorry that I left the coffee cups in the Sunday School bag.  Most likely he would have responded calmly and lovingly to this approach and the remainder of the evening would have went much differently. 

Even when you're not "on", try to stay calm and positive...Live and Learn, I suppose.

What I look like when I'm not "on".

 

Believe Even When

 

For a couple months now Pastor Jen has been attempting to persuade me to attend a workshop.  She claimed that I would love it.   I successfully avoided her the first few times she mentioned it.   Finally, after she granted me permission to sneak out if I was not enjoying the message and the music, I agreed to attend.

Seven hours of "workshop", a choir concert, and a beautiful church service later, I'm still listening to music written by Mark Miller.  Pastor Jen-1, Laura-0

During the workshop, Mark told personal stories about the music and offered insight on how to teach, with passion, about God. He taught us about the power of silence, how to laugh at ourselves and much, much more.   I enjoyed the music, the wisdom, the honesty, the fellowship...everything.  Yet, I can also state without hesitation, that this song was the most powerful part of the weekend for me. 

Believing even during the "why's". Believing when it would be easier to turn away. Believing in the sun even when it's not shining.  Believing in love even when there's no one there.  Believing in God even when he's silent.


Can you imagine being a prisoner at a concentration camp and still believing; witnessing and suffering and fighting to stay alive and still believing?

Even when.

Believe.







Lyrics of "I Believe" originate from a poem written during WW2, on the wall of a cellar, by a Jew scratched on a wall in a concentration camp:

"I believe in the sun
even when it is not shining
And I believe in love,
even when there's no one there.
And I believe in God,
even when he is silent.

I believe through any trial,
there is always a way
But sometimes in this suffering
and hopeless despair
My heart cries for shelter,
to know someone's there
But a voice rises within me, saying hold on
my child, I'll give you strength,
I'll give you hope. Just stay a little while.

I believe in the sun
even when it is not shining
And I believe in love
even when there's no one there
But I believe in God
even when he is silent

I believe through any trial
there is always a way.
May there someday be sunshine
May there someday be happiness
May there someday be love
May there someday be peace...."
- Unknown

 

Source: spirituallythinking.blogspot.com via Pat on Pinterest

Conversations with Crackheads: Bootie-ful Rainbows

My post to FB: So, I'm not going to put a thousand hearts because that backfired on me, but seriously, it's going to be a good day. I decided this morning I was going to wear my new (Amy's old) favorite jeans and my new (actually new, but bought using DSW rewards for $32!!) booties. I was already in a good mood (because who doesn't like to wear new shoes-duh), but then I stopped to get some things from Meijer and witnessed the most beautiful rainbow. It followed me all the way into work. From the bridge I could see the entire rainbow in all of its glory. He was lighting my path for me and I followed in awe. Happy Friday:)

M:What the @$*% did you smoke this morning & can I have some???

Me: Nothing, I'm just bursting with optimism today!

M: I can just picture you skipping around the office looking like Lilly!

Me: LOL...I totally am!! How'd ya know!?

M: I just threw up in my mouth a little!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

M: G is still sick & I can barely walk , and I got rained on...NOT a happy camper!

Me: :( Boo!! God loves you! I do too!

M: OMG!

Me: I am dying laughing right now:)  Anything I can do to make it better?

M: Deliver my food for work and rub my hip.

Me: Look out your window and enjoy the colors of the season, my beautiful, young friend! 

M: No response...BUT I'm positive she is thinking: Call me when you return to your normal state...I can't handle butterflies and rainbows Laura!!!

Conversations with Crackheads: Bootie-ful Rainbows

Bootieful rainbow booties

 



 Bootieful Crackhead Bootie

(True Crackheads jump off 30 foot swings, wait months before getting the damages assessed and then bling out their booties when the doctor reads they tore parts of their ankle!)

On Friendship...when to throw in the towel

Once upon a time there was a young girl that thought she knew everything.  When she didn't do the right thing, she would justify her poor behavior by blaming someone else or rationalizing the situation in her head. 

One day, one of her best friends called her out on her poor behavior.  With her youthful, know it all attitude, she told her friend that no matter what, she expected her to be on her side. Obviously (when the young girl assumed she was the center of the universe), drawing attention to her crapilicious ways was not being on her side.

Rather than face the problem, or heaven forbid change her crapilicious ways, she decided the best route was to put space in the friendship.  Her friend picked her side when she asked the young girl to face the situation.  It didn't matter if her friend was right.  When she asked the young girl to come clean, she picked her side.  Although the young girl never completely lost contact with her friend, she blamed her for the pickle she was in (even though it was her own poor behavior that landed her in the hot seat) and distanced herself from the friendship.

Since that time, the young girl has grown up (a little).  She apologized to her friend (that was actually forcing her to take the high road).  They are once again annoyingly fun and funny and cool and hang out whenever life allows them time to see each other.

(I was the young, immature girl in the story above;))

Now, when people ask for advice on friendship, I can say from experience that this is my truth about true friendship, or as I call them, forever friends.  It may only be my truth, but this is my blog.  Take it or leave it!

I've been asked quite a few times whether or not it's the right decision to "let the friendship go"?  If one friend seems to be putting in all of the effort and the other isn't reciprocating, it can be draining to the the friend that is putting forth all of the effort.  Why aren't they returning my calls?  Don't they care about me as much as I care about them?  If they are too busy to call, I don't need them. Are they actually mad at me for saying or doing that?

My first response is usually something like this...All of my friends know that if they actually NEED me, all they have to do is call and say that they need me.  I can tell in the tone of my friend's voice or by a few typed words, when a friend actually NEEDS me.  It's much different than, "Hey, just calling to check in" messages...those sometimes take weeks to return;)  But "Hey, I need you messages" are returned immediately.   Be clear if you need your friend.  If they just think you want to chat, when really you need them to listen or cry with, it might just be that you're not communicating well enough.

If you tell them that you're really at a rough spot and you could use their support or guidance and they still don't respond, then I wouldn't push the issue.  Sometimes a little space is good for friendship.  Maybe one of you will realize that "hmmm, maybe, just maybe, this time I was wrong"?   Possibly, when you finally have time to chat, you'll hear that your friend just couldn't possible handle one more thing on their plate at the second that you called?  Perhaps they truly are that busy OR maybe they too are struggling to stay above water?  Could it be that God is pushing you to open your heart up to a new friend?

Whatever the reason that you feel let down, I find it hard to simply cut your loss.   Mostly because I don't want to imagine my life without my friends in it.  If they would have decided that it was easier to cut me out of their lives when I was being crapilicious, my life wouldn't be as full.  I wouldn't have felt what it feels like to be forgiven.  I wouldn't offer forgiveness as often as I do.  I would be missing out on their friendship and love.

Another one of my forever friends doesn't accept many of my invitations.  She doesn't call when she comes to town.  Even after I've told her that I will always make my best attempt to see her whenever she calls.  Her parents tell me to keep inviting her;)  But when my Dad died, when I needed all of my people, she was there.  She didn't hesitate to make the trip home, she was there. 

 

Be patient. Be forgiving. Accept forgiveness. 

Be the kind of friend you want to have.

True friends will be there when you need them. 

 



 

Wisdom or Folly

 I have been very busy this week.  At work I'm swamped.  At home I'm swamped.  Games every night.  Parties all weekend.  Running through the stores to buy gifts and bread the day before each event.  Running running running. My MIL even claims that I'm slipping (she got an eye roll for that comment...how dare she question my ability to multitask the world). So Friday Fun is going to be short and sweet.

Wisdom or Folly

Two calls at the same time, which one do you take?

I often receive two calls at the same time.  Usually I choose who I talk to first according to the order of the call.  I rarely click over mid-conversation to take the other call.

For me, it's really not much different with wisdom and folly.  Folly called first.  I answered. I didn't click over after she called, but continued to enjoy her company.  I was unruly, a mocker, a scoffer.  During lunch with a friend this week, we giggled about how awful and rotten we used to be.   I laughed because if I let out how I truly felt about how I used to act, I'd probably cry.

I claim to have changed, but sometimes Folly calls first and I always pick up.  I'm getting better at clicking over when I notice that I'm talking to Folly, but it's still hard.  I mean, she is fun!  I still struggle to keep my mouth shut when I should. Yesterday I told an attorney to "bite me" for goodness sake! I'm still unruly.  I still fail often, but I'm working at it.  Every day I struggle to take the right call.

Which call will you take? 

If you pick up when Folly calls, will you realize who you're talking to and click over to Wisdom?

Proverbs 9

New International Version (NIV)

Invitations of Wisdom and Folly

9 Wisdom has built her house;
she has set up^[a] its seven pillars.
² She has prepared her meat and mixed her wine;
she has also set her table.
³ She has sent out her servants, and she calls
from the highest point of the city,
⁴ “Let all who are simple come to my house!”
To those who have no sense she says,
⁵ “Come, eat my food
and drink the wine I have mixed.
⁶ Leave your simple ways and you will live;
walk in the way of insight.”

 

⁷ Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults;
whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse.
⁸ Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you;
rebuke the wise and they will love you.
⁹ Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still;
teach the righteous and they will add to their learning.

 

¹⁰ The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,
and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
¹¹ For through wisdom^[b] your days will be many,
and years will be added to your life.
¹² If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you;
if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer.

 

¹³ Folly is an unruly woman;
she is simple and knows nothing.
¹⁴ She sits at the door of her house,
on a seat at the highest point of the city,
¹⁵ calling out to those who pass by,
who go straight on their way,
¹⁶ “Let all who are simple come to my house!”
To those who have no sense she says,
¹⁷ “Stolen water is sweet;
food eaten in secret is delicious!”
¹⁸ But little do they know that the dead are there,
that her guests are deep in the realm of the dead.

 

Outside Look at Surving a Stroke

Have you ever tried to sit in a crowd of people and listen to conversation and not say a word? Have you ever attempted to speak, but the words didn't come out? Did you become very frustrated and withdraw from social activities? If you have had a stroke you might be quick to answer yes to these questions.

It has been more than four years since my dad had a stroke. It has been almost seven years since he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He has been gone now for almost two.

He did live more than a year after his stroke with his cancer in remission.  During that time, he recalled more of the words that he searched for, but was never quite the same after the stroke. This post is dedicated to inform and assist others when they have a loved one that suffers from a stroke.

When a loved one suffers from a stroke it does not only change their life, but changes the lives of their loved ones as well. If you, as a loved one, are faced with the challenge of assisting a stroke survivor, this is my advice to you:

1. Research: Look at websites, magazines, order a book on surviving a stroke. Try to understand what is going on inside their head. Often survivors describe the beginning as being "trapped" inside their own minds. They know what they want to say, but it just doesn't come out.  Learning about life after a stroke can ease the survivors pain and hopefully make the transition into life after a stroke easier on everyone!

2. Get Organized: Whether you plan to do additional therapy or are just trying to manage the day to day activities, you will need to be organized.  Since speech is so often effected in stroke patients it can be hard to communicate basic needs without frustration.  Pictures of things that the patient may want/need can be helpful.  Instead of asking them a million questions, which can lead to further frustration, maybe you could set out a bunch of flashcards and ask them to pick which thing they are trying to ask for.  Examples could be a glass of water, sandwich, hair brush, toothbrush, newspaper, paper and pencil, remote control, etc.  Keep the questions to one word answers whenever possible.  Don't speak for the stroke patient if at all possible.  Give them time and encouragement to answer.

3. Don't get frustrated/be patient: Remember that your loved one is adjusting to a whole new normal.  Normal is no longer get a shower, eat breakfast, go to work.  New normal could be something like: I wonder if I will ever recover enough to go back to work?  I wonder if when I say I need soap, if I'm actually calling it soap because when I asked for soap, they brought me a toothbrush! 

4.  Realize that recovery takes time and the patient might not fully recover: As much as you might hope and wish that your loved one will fully recover, that is not always the case.  I am a big supporter of speech, occupational, and physical therapy.   The time to start the therapy is as soon as possible.   Do therapy as long and as often as the patient willingly puts forth the effort.  In the end, everyone needs to learn to live and love the "new normal".

The gray Rotork tshirt that my dad was wearing when he had the stroke is at the bottom of my tshirt drawer.  I remember my dad calling and not being able to get any words out. His co-worker grabbed the phone and told me that he was taking him to the hospital and to meet them there.  I remember helping him take the gray tshirt off when I arrived at the hospital and I took it home with me when I left.  Sometimes I wear it to bed and since he's gone now, that's just part of my new normal.

 I started this post a long time ago.  I'm sure the post would have been much more informative and supported with documentation of sites to check out when he had the stroke, but I threw out the binder after he passed away.  Hopefully, if this blog pops up when someone has questions about stroke patients, it will help them to feel a little less alone and a little more prepared...

Protect your child

Guest post today!  My personal opinion: I don't necessarily feel that the school bus should have to stop at every single house. I just think it should be fair and consistent.  Don't stop for some and not for others, ya know?

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
nothing is going to get better. It's not." Dr. Suess

Friend and neighbor of mine, go:

How far would you go to protect your child? How far would you go to protect someone else’s child? 

Communities gather and support causes, especially children’s causes openly and unapologetic, in record numbers, whether it’s raising money for a child who is battling an incurable disease or purchasing raffle tickets for an Athletics fundraiser. 

What if you were told your child wasn’t worth the effort?

My story: My first child started Kindergarten this year and I was informed that she was designated a “Walker” to the school.  I was confused.  There are children who live closer to the school than my child with the same lack of sidewalk and safety issues as I have, and they are being picked up in their driveways and less than 10 feet away from their homes.  Yet my 5 year old is expected to walk in the street and it was recommended that she walk across private properties to get her safely to school, by the School District.

An offer was made for a bus stop for my child. I temporarily agreed to this location. However this location still requires my child to walk in the street and across private property to get to this location.

On September 18th, 2012 I approached the School Board and asked for a Bus Stop to be designated in front of my house.  According to their current Policies and Procedures in place, I could request an exception be made based on the safety conditions, terrain, age of student, traffic, and lack of sidewalk.  I did my research and presented a very thorough case to the School Board.  I even offered reasonable suggestions to help resolve any future fiscal nightmares when it comes to their current P&P regarding Student Transportation. So I wasn’t approaching them selfishly.

The immediate response was that my request is denied.

How could they put a value of ZERO on my child?

So I’m reaching out to my Community to let you know what is happening in your Community. 

The School District denied the safety of a 5 year old child.
The School District denied any door to door bus service.  – I have videos of said door to door service.
    Staff Member’s children are receiving this door to door service, as well as other
    members of this community’s children. 
The School District claims that they serve the best interest of all students and the District.
    Are your children receiving door to door service?
The School District claims that bus stops are limited.
    Why are they picking up students at one location and then stopping at a second location
    approximately 200 feet away to pick up more children?  Can’t those children walk those 200
    feet to limit the extra stop? Is it that there are no sidewalks and that is why these children are
    getting door to door service?  Or is it because the School District is offering Special Treatment to
    certain people and not others?
The School District claims when a funding issue arises the first thing they look at is busing.
The School District is not required to bus students grade nine through twelve. However, they shall provide busing grades K-8. 
    So why would they emphasize cutting busing in a meeting about a 5 year old?



The School District has passed up multiple opportunities to receive Federal Funding administered by ODOT to offset costs to the Taxpayer for improving Safety Conditions, i.e. sidewalks, crossings, and education.   $16 million dollars was dispersed in May for 68 projects ranging from $2,000 to $500,000.
http://www.dot.state.oh.us/news/Pages/Millions-Awarded-to-Local-Communities-Through-ODOT’S-.aspx

I ask you again….how far would you go to protect your child or someone else’s?  What is a child worth?

How much effort would it have taken for the School District to be compassionate and exercise reasonable care for my child?  3 minutes and a trip around the block.

Don’t you think there should be a fair and consistent standard?

Right is RIGHT, no matter how unpopular it is.

For more information contact
mrs.carabrown@yahoo.com